Jokes and Trivia for October 16, 2012

The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. – Virginia Woolf

TODAY – OCTOBER 16th – TUESDAY

290th of 2012 with 76 to  follow.

Holidays for Today:

* World Food Day

*National Liqueur Day

*Boss’s Day

*Dictionary Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1888 Eugene O’Neill, New York City,  writer, Nobel Prize laureate (d. 1953)
  • 1926 Charles Dolan, Cleveland, Ohio, businessman, founded Cablevision
  • 1946 Suzanne Somers, San Bruno, California,  actress (Three’s Company ,Step by Step)
  • 1955 Ellen Dolan, Monticello, Iowa,  actress (Guiding Light )
  • 1960 Bob Mould, Malone, New York, musician (Sugar )
  • 1969 Terri J. Vaughn, San Francisco, California,  actress (The Steve Harvey Show)
  • 1971 Chad Gray, Decatur, IL, singer (Mudvayne and Hellyeah )
  • 1972 Adrianne Frost, Lincoln, Nebraska, comedian and author (The Daily Show and VH1’s Best Week Ever )
  • 1975 Kellie Martin, Riverside, California, actress (Christy, Lucy Knight, Mystery Woman )
  • 1977 John Mayer, Bridgeport, Connecticut,  musician
  • 1978 Ethan Luck, Long Beach, California, musician (The O.C. Supertones, Demon Hunter, Relient K)
  • 1980 Jeremy Jackson, Newport Beach, California, actor (Baywatch )

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In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich. – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1793 The Battle of Wattignies ends in a French victory.
  • 1813 The Sixth Coalition attacks Napoleon Bonaparte in the Battle of Leipzig.
  • 1906 The Captain of Köpenick fools the city hall of Köpenick and several soldiers by impersonating a Prussian officer.
  • 1916 In Brooklyn, New York, Margaret Sanger opens the first family planning clinic in the United States.
  • 1923 The Walt Disney Company is founded by Walt Disney and his brother, Roy Disney.
  • 1968 United States athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos are kicked off the US team for participating in the 1968 Olympics Black Power salute.
  • 1968 Kingston, Jamaica is rocked by the Rodney Riots, inspired by the barring of Walter Rodney from the country.
  • 1970 In response to the October Crisis terrorist kidnapping, Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau of
  • 1978 Pope John Paul II is elected after the October 1978 Papal conclave.
  • 1995 The Million Man March occurs in Washington, D.C.
  • 1995 The Skye Bridge is opened.
  • 1996 Eighty-four people are killed and more than 180 injured as 47,000 football fans attempt to squeeze into the 36,000-seat Estadio Mateo Flores in Guatemala City.
  • 1998 Former Chilean dictator General Augusto Pinochet is arrested in London on a warrant from Spain requesting his extradition on murder charges.
  • 2002 Bibliotheca Alexandrina in the Egyptian city of Alexandria, a commemoration of the Library of Alexandria that was lost in antiquity, is officially inaugurated.
  • 2006 Hawaii Earthquake: A magnitude 6.7 earthquake rocks Hawaii, causing property damage, injuries, landslides, power outages, and the closure of Honolulu International Airport.

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Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, “I don’t think much of this budgie jumping.”

The other moron replies, “Yeah, I’m not too keen on this paragliding either.”

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ONE-LINERS: ** How to Stay Young **

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them!”

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s

4. Enjoy the simple things

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help

9 Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity

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Total the number of these that you remember:

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with table side jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive – 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi’s
17. Metal ice trays with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 You’re still young.

If you remembered 6-10 You are getting older.

If you remembered 11-15 Don’t tell your age.

If you remembered 16-25 You’re older than dirt!.

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A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. “Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?”

“I’ve got a kickstand,” the prospect replied. “Is that the same thing?”

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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.

“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: When was the first dictionary invented?

~One of the most primitive dictionaries known, and which is still extant today in an abridged form, was written in Latin during the reign of the emperor Augustus. It is known by the title De Significatu Verborum (“On the meaning of words”) and was originally compiled by Verrius Flaccus.

~It was twice shortened in succeeding centuries, first by Sextus Pompeius Festus, and then by Paul the Deacon.

~The first true English dictionary was Robert Cawdrey’s Table Alphabeticall of 1604, although it only included 3,000 words and the definitions it contained were little more than synonyms.

~The first one to be at all complete was Thomas Blount’s dictionary Glossographia of 1656.

~In 1806, Noah Webster’s dictionary was available by the G&C Merriam Company of Springfield, Massachusetts which still publishes Merriam-Webster dictionaries, but the term Webster’s is considered generic and can be used by any dictionary.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: If your life is free of failures, you’re not taking enough risks.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“Be happy when you are blamed and accused wrongly, for then you have the chance to see all the bitter, hostile or self-pitying responses that your sinful soul wants to spew out – as if these puny things could in any way defend you! Watch and see if any of these poisons come out of you when your spirit is pricked by an accusation. Only then can you see yourself as you are, and confess thy sin that is within you and forsake yourself again into the Lord’s care.” -Teresa of Avila, Majestic is Your Name