Jokes and Trivia for October 30, 2012

All great changes are preceded by chaos. ~ Deepak Chopra

TODAY – OCTOBER 3oth – TUESDAY

304th day of 2012 with 62 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Candy Corn Day

*Buy a Doughnut Day

*Mischief Night

*International Orthopaedic Nurses Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1735 John Adams, Braintree, Massachusetts (now Quincy), second President of the United States
  • 1821 Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Russian author (Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, The Brothers Karamazov)
  • 1892 Charles Atlas, Italian-born American bodybuilder (fitness program for “97-pound weakling”)
  • 1895 Dickinson W. Richards, Orange, New Jersey,  physician (cardiac catheterization)
  • 1896 Ruth Gordon, Quincy, Massachusetts, actress and author (Rosemary’s Baby, Harold and Maude, Every Which Way But Loose)
  • 1900 Ragnar Granit, Riihimäki, Finland, Russian Empire,  Finnish neuroscientist, Nobel laureate , or their discoveries concerning the primary physiological and chemical visual processes in the eye
  • 1939 Leland H. Hartwell, Los Angeles, California,  scientist, known for Cell cycle regulation
  • 1939 Grace Slick, Evanston, Illinois, singer (Jefferson Airplane)
  • 1945 Henry Winkler, NYC, New York, actor / director / author (Fonz on Happy Days, Arrested Development, Childrens Hospital / Hank Zipzer books)
  • 1946 Robert Lee “Hoot” Gibson, Cooperstown, New York, naval aviator / retired astronaut (STS-41-B, STS-61-C, STS-27, STS-47, STS-71)
  • 1947 Timothy B. Schmit, Oakland, California,  musician (Eagles)
  • 1951 Harry Hamlin, Pasadena, California,  actor (Clash of the Titans, L.A. Law )
  • 1963 Michael Beach, Roxbury, Massachusetts,  actor (Roxbury, Massachusetts)
  • 1963 Kristina Wagner, Indianapolis, Indiana, actress  (General Hospital)
  • 1968 Jack Plotnick, Worthington, Ohio,  actor (Ellen, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, )
  • 1977 Jason Adelman, California, actor (American Dreams, Moesha, The Client, Camosaur 2)
  • 1978 Matthew Morrison, Fort Ord, California, actor (Glee)
  • 1989 Seth Adkins, Albuquerque, New Mexico,  actor (Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, …First Do No Harm, Titanic)
  • 1989 Vanessa White, Yeovil, Somerset, England, British singer (The Saturdays)
  • 1989 Jay Asforis, London, United Kingdom,  singer (S Club 7 )

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Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down. – Charles F. Kettering
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1831 In Southampton County, Virginia, escaped slave Nat Turner is captured and arrested for leading the bloodiest slave rebellion in United States history.
  • 1863 Danish Prince Wilhelm arrives in Athens to assume his throne as George I, King of the Hellenes.
  • 1925 John Logie Baird creates Britain’s first television transmitter.
  • 1929 The Stuttgart Cable Car is constructed in Stuttgart, Germany.
  • 1938 Orson Welles broadcasts his radio play of H. G. Wells’s The War of the Worlds, causing anxiety in some of the audience in the United States.
  • 1944 Anne Frank and sister Margot Frank are deported from Auschwitz to the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp.
  • 1945 Jackie Robinson of the Kansas City Monarchs signs a contract for the Brooklyn Dodgers to break the baseball color barrier.
  • 1947 The General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT), which is the foundation of the World Trade Organisation (WTO), is founded.
  • 1961 Nuclear testing: The Soviet Union detonates the hydrogen bomb Tsar Bomba over Novaya Zemlya; at 50 megatons of yield, it is still the largest explosive device ever detonated, nuclear or otherwise.
  • 1961 Because of “violations of Lenin’s precepts”, it is decreed that Joseph Stalin’s body be removed from its place of honour inside Lenin’s tomb and buried near the Kremlin wall with a plain granite marker instead.
  • 1975 Prince Juan Carlos becomes Spain’s acting head of state, taking over for the country’s ailing dictator, Gen. Francisco Franco.
  • 2000 The last Multics machine is shut down.
  • 2005 The rebuilt Dresden Frauenkirche (destroyed in the firebombing of Dresden during World War II) is reconsecrated after a thirteen-year rebuilding project.

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Dumb Questions Asked By Lawyers:

Q:  She had three children, right?
 A:  Yes.
 Q:  How many were boys?
 A:  None
 Q:  Were there girls?

You don’t know what it was, and you don’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

 Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
     A: Yes
     Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roads. Luckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong horse called Dobbin.

He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dobbin didn’t move one inch.

Then the farmer yelled, “Pull, Robbie, pull.” Still Dobbin failed to respond.

Once more the farmer commanded in a stentorian voice, “Pull, Ringo, pull.” Again – nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly and quietly muttered, “Pull, Dobbin, pull.” Immediately the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

Desmond was very appreciative but also very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by a different name three times.

The farmer whispered by way of reply, “Oh, Dobbin is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try.”

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ONE-LINERS: Top Ten Inventions Bound to Fail:

10. The water-proof towel

9. Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses

8. Solar powered flashlights

7. Submarine screen doors

6. An instruction book on how to read

5. Inflatable dart boards

4. A dictionary index

3. Dehydrated water – Just add water

2. Waterproof tea bags

… and the Number One Invention Bound to Fail:

1. The helicopter ejector seat

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pic of the day: Fall Leaves in Creek

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

BOOK TITLES:

“Totally Pale” by Al Binow

“Outdoor Advertising” by Bill Bored

“The Helper” by Abel N. Willin

“The New Year” by Jan Yuary

“Follow Your Dreams” by Jason Rainbos

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The owner of a golf course in Virginia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into office and said, “You graduated from the University, and I need some help.

If I were to give you $320,000.00 minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

“Everything but my earrings.”

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A man went into a greasy spoon diner, ordered  milkshake, and then realized he needed to use the lavatory. Worried someone might steal his milkshake, he wrote “World’s Strongest Weight Lifter” on a paper napkin. Leaving the warning note under the milkshake glass, he disappeared into the men’s room.

When he returned, the glass was empty and under it was a new napkin with a message that said, “World’s Fastest Runner”.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: DOUGHNUTS vs DONUTS

~The First Friday in June is National Doughnut Day! You’ll be very happy cause Both Dunkin Donuts and Krispy Kreme are celebrating by giving away free donuts

~National Donut Day began in 1938 as a fundraiser for the Chicago Salvation Army to help those in need during the Great Depression and to honor those women from World War I

~Doughnut or Donut. “Doughnut” is actually proper, but “donut” is acceptable. If you look in older dictionaries, you’ll only find “doughnut.” However, the Merriam-Webster dictionary now lists “donut” as a variant of “doughnut.” Either way you spell it, it a standstill it’s yummy!

~There’s a shop in California called Psycho Donuts, where you can “strap yourself into the padded cell and have donuts administered to you by the lovely nurses.”

~ Thought of the Day relating donuts: Donuts are like people. Some are fresh, some are stale, and some are crummy.

~Which has more calories and fat and why — a plain sugared doughnut with a hole in the middle, or a round jelly filled doughnut?

A. Jelly doughnuts have fewer calories and less fat than plain ring ones, while a ring doughnut might weigh less, it has a greater surface area exposed to the oil than a round one.

~North Carolina molecular scientist Robert Bohannon has developed ‘Buzz Donuts’ and ‘Buzzed Bagels’- caffeinated donuts and bagels.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life. – Greg Anderson