Jokes and Trivia for February 6, 2013

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him. Sidney Greenberg

TODAY – FEBRUARY 6th – WEDNESDAY

37thday of 2013 with 328 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Lame Duck Day

*Ronald Reagan Day (California)

*Black History Month

*National Weddings Month

*National Cherry Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1695 Nicolaus II Bernoulli, Basel, Switzerland , mathematician (contributed to fluid dynamics)
  • 1756 Aaron Burr, Newark, New Jersey, politician and 3rd Vice President of the United States (dueled with & killed Alexander Hamilton), tried of treason but acquitted
  • 1802 Charles Wheatstone, English scientist and inventor (known for Wheatstone bridge, Playfair cipher, early contributions to Spectroscopy and Telegraphy )
  • 1833 James Ewell Brown “J.E.B.” Stuart, Virginia, Civil War figure (Confederate States Army Calvary Commander)
  • 1861 Nikolay Zelinsky, Tiraspol, Russian Empire , chemist (known for Hell-Volhard-Zelinsky halogenation )
  • 1892 William Parry Murphy, Stoughton, Wisconsin, physician (Nobel /devising and treating macrocytic anemia: specifically, pernicious anemia)
  • 1895 Babe Ruth, Baltimore, Maryland, American major League baseball player  (prolific hitter)
  • 1902 George Brunies, New Orleans, Louisiana , musician (known as the “King of the Tailgate Trombone)
  • 1911 Ronald Reagan, Tampico, Illinois, 40th President of the United States (33rd Governor of California from 1967-1976), actor
  • 1914 Thurl Ravenscroft, Norfolk, Nebraska, American voice actor (Tony The Tiger in Frosted Flakes commercials, vocalist for “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch“)
  • 1917 Zsa Zsa Gábor, Hungarian-born actress (Lovely to Look At, Moulin Rouge)
  • 1926 Walker Edmiston, St. Louis, Missouri, actor (The Dukes of Hazzard)
  • 1929 Colin Murdoch, Christchurch, New Zealand, pharmacist (invented tranquilizer gun)
  • 1939 Mike Farrell, St. Paul, Minnesota, actor (M*A*S*H)
  • 1940 Tom Brokaw, Webster, South Dakota, NBC news anchorman and author (The Greatest Generation)
  • 1941 Spencer Silver, San Antonio, Texas, chemist (with Arthur Fry invented Post-it notes in 1970)
  •  1945 Bob Marley, Jamaican musician (reggae)
  • 1950 Natalie Cole, Los Angeles, California, R&B singer
  • 1960 Megan Gallagher, Reading, Pennsylvania, actress (The Larry Sanders Show )
  • 1962 W. Axl Rose, Lafayette, Indiana, singer (Guns N’ Roses)
  • 1963 Kevin Trudeau, Lynn, Massachusetts, entrepreneur (Promotes alternative medicine)
  • 1977 Josh Stewart, Diana, West Virginia, actor (Dirt, Third Watch )

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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1778 The Treaty of Alliance and the Treaty of Amity and Commerce are signed in France by the United States and France signaling official recognition of the new republic.
  • 1788 Massachusetts ratified the United States Constitution, being the 6th state to do so.
  • 1806 Battle of San Domingo British naval victory against the French in the Caribbean.
  • 1815 First American railroad charter to John Stevens by New Jersey.
  • 1820 The American Colonization Society sponsored a settlement in present-day Liberia with the first 86 African American immigrants.
  • 1843 The first minstrel show in the United States, The Virginia Minstrels, opens (Bowery Amphitheatre in New York City).
  • 1862 The U.S. Navy gives the Union its first victory of the American Civil War, capturing Fort Henry, Tennessee in the Battle of Fort Henry.
  • 1899 The Treaty of Paris, a peace treaty between the United States and Spain to end the Spanish-American War, is ratified by the United States Senate.
  • 1922 The Washington Naval Treaty is signed in Washington, D.C., limiting the naval armaments of United States, Britain, Japan, France, and Italy.
  • 1933 The 20th Amendment to the United States Constitution, establishing the beginning and ending of the terms of the elected federal offices, goes into effect.
  • 1951 A Pennsylvania Railroad passenger train, The Broker, derails near Woodbridge Township, New Jersey. The accident kills 85 people and injures over 500 more. The wreck is one of the worst rail disasters in American history.
  • 1959 The first patent for an integrated circuit is filed by Jack Kilby of Texas Instruments.
  • 1981 The National Resistance Army of Uganda launches an attack on a Ugandan Army installation in the central Mubende District to begin the Ugandan Bush War.
  • 1996 Floods in the Willamette Valley of Oregon, United States, causes over $500 million in property damage throughout the Pacific Northwest.
  • 1998 Washington National Airport is renamed Ronald Reagan National Airport.

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Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

“Well,” she explained, “up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.”

“In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?”

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For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.

When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: “Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!” ”

I suppose,” the husband responded dryly, “we could clean the house.”

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ONE-LINERS: Ten Marvellously True But Very Funny Sayings about Golf

1) I’ll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine. – Bruce Lansky

2) They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. It’s more complicated than that. – Gardner Dickinson

3) I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them. – Harry Tofcano

4) Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

5) I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.

6) Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money. – Lee Trevino

7) The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.

8) I’d like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me. – Seve Ballesteros

9) If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. – Jack Lemmon

10) Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. – Winston Churchill

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pic of the day: Pond Reflections

picture of tree reflections in pond

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to “decifer” them, I had to set him straight.

I wrote, “Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you’ve forgotten, spell checker comes free with your software.”

A minute later, I got this reply: “Mine must be dephective.”

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Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”

“Two days ago.”

“Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer. What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”

“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”

“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”

“He’s taking every penny I make.”

“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”

“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”

“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”

“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him.”

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An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.

“You must mean the lift,” he said.

“No,” the American responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.”

“Well,” the portiere answered, “over here we call them lifts”.

“Now you listen”, the American said rather irritated, “someone in America invented the elevator.”

“Oh, right you are sir,” the portiere said in a polite tone, “but someone here in England invented the language.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIASince its Lame Duck Day, Duck is the topic now.

~A baby duck is called a duckling, and an adult male is a drake.

~An adult female duck is called a hen or a duck, and a group of ducks can be called a raft, team or paddling.

~All ducks have highly waterproof feathers that even when the duck dives underwater, its downy under layer of feathers will stay completely dry.

~Most duck species are monogamous for a breeding season but they do not mate for life.

~Only very few ducks actually “quack.”

~There are more than 40 breeds of domestic duck. The white Pekin duck (also called the Long Island duck) is the most common variety raised for eggs and meat.

~The two most famous fictional ducks are Disney’s Donald Duck, who premiered in 1934, and Warner Bros.’ Daffy Duck, who premiered in 1937.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: While there’s life, there’s hope – Marcus Tullius Cicero.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. – Friedrich Nietzsche