Jokes and Trivia for May 22, 2012

Let your life mean something. Become an inspiration to others so that they may try to do more and to become more than they are today. – Thomas D. Willhite~

TODAY – MAY 22nd – TUESDAY

143rd day of 2012 with 223 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Buy a Musical Instrument Day

*National Vanilla Pudding Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1783 William Sturgeon, Whittington, Lancashire physicist and inventor (invented the first practical English electric motor)
  • 1813 Richard Wagner, German composer (The Flying Dutchman, Ride of the Valkyries, Wedding March from opera Lohengnn)
  • 1844 Mary Cassatt, Allegheny City, Pennsylvania, artist (specialized in images showing mothers and children)
  • 1859 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Scottish physician and writer (Sherlock Holmes stories: The Hounds of the Baskervilles, The Speckled Band, The Sign of the Four)
  • 1903 Yves Rocard, Vannes, physicist (helped develop the atomic bomb for France)
  • 1907 Sir Laurence Olivier, English stage and screen actor (Spartacus, Sleuth, Marathon Man, Khartoum, Clash of the Titans, narrated The World at War)
  • 1912 Herbert C. Brown, London, England, chemist (Nobel / Organoboranes)
  • 1927 George Andrew Olah, Budapest, Hungary, chemist (research on generation and reactivity of carbocations via superacids)
  • 1936 M. Scott Peck, NYC, New York, psychiatrist and writer (The Road Less Traveled)
  • 1938 Richard Benjamin, New York City, New York, actor (Goodbye, Columbus, Catch-22, Portnoy’s Complaint, Westworld, Quark, Love at First Bite)
  • 1939 Paul Winfield, Los Angeles, California, actor (Sounder, King, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
  • 1938 Frank Converse, St. Louis, Missouri, actor (Coronet Blue, N.Y.P.D.; Movin’ On, Anne of Green Gables)
  • 1942 Barbara Parkins, Canadian actress (Peyton Place, Valley of the Dolls, The Testimony of Two Men, To Catch a King)
  • 1947 Andreas Gerasimos Michalitsianos, Greek-American astronomer and a NASA astrophysicist (involved with Hubble Space Telescope, International Ultraviolet Explorer, symbiotic stars)
  • 1958 Denise Welch, English actress and presenter (Coronation Street, Waterloo Road, Celebrity Big Brother, Dancing on Ice 2011)
  • 1964 Mark Christopher Lawrence, Los Angeles, California, actor & standup comedian (Terminator 2 Judgment Day, Planet of the Apes, Lost Treasure, The Pursuit of Happyness, Chuck)
  • 1967 Brooke Smith, New York, New York, actress (The Silence of the Lambs, Grey’s Anatomy )
  • 1970 Naomi Campbell, British super model and actress (New York Undercover, Unzipped)
  • 1972 Anna Belknap, Damariscotta, Maine, actress (CSI: NY, The Handler, Medical Investigation, Alchemy)
  • 1974 Sean Gunn, St. Louis, Missouri, actor (Gilmore Girls )
  • 1978 Ginnifer Goodwin, Memphis, Tennessee, actress (Mona Lisa Smile , Something Borrowed and He’s Just Not That into You)
  • 1982 Apolo Anton Ohno, Seattle, Washington, short track speed skater (2 gold, 2 silver, 4 bronze medals; Dancing with the Stars 4th season champion w/Julianne Hough)

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Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time. – Leo Buscaglia

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1816 A mob in Littleport, Cambridgeshire, England, riots over high unemployment and rising grain costs; the rioting spreads to Ely the next day.
  • 1826 HMS Beagle departs on its first voyage.
  • 1840 The transporting of British convicts to the New South Wales colony is abolished.
  • 1843 Thousands of people and their cattle head west via wagon train from Independence, Missouri to what would later become the Oregon Territory. It is part of the Great Migration. They follow what is now known as the Oregon Trail.
  • 1906 The Wright brothers are granted U.S. patent number 821,393 for their Flying-Machine.
  • 1915 Lassen Peak erupts with a powerful force, and is the only mountain other than Mount St. Helens to erupt in the continental US during the 20th century.
  • 1915 Three trains collide in the Quintinshill rail crash near Gretna Green, Scotland, killing 227 people and injuring 246; the accident is found to be the result of non-standard operating practices during a shift change at a busy junction.
  • 1926 Chiang Kai-shek replaces communists in Kuomintang China
  • 1936  Aer Lingus (Aer Loingeas) is founded by the Irish government as the national airline of the Republic of Ireland.
  • 1960 An earthquake measuring 9.5 on the moment magnitude scale, now known as the Great Chilean Earthquake, hits southern Chile. It is the most powerful earthquake ever recorded.
  • 1962 Continental Airlines Flight 11 crashes after bombs explode on board.
  • 1963 Assassination attempt of Greek left-wing politician Gregoris Lambrakis, who will die five days afterwards.
  • 1964 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announces the goals of his Great Society social reforms to bring an “end to poverty and racial injustice” in America.
  • 1967 The L’Innovation department store in the centre of Brussels, Belgium, burns down. It is the most devastating fire in Belgian history, resulting in 323 dead and missing and 150 injured.
  • 1990 Microsoft releases the Windows 3.0 operating system.
  • 2002 In Washington, D.C., the remains of the missing Chandra Levy are found in Rock Creek Park.
  • 2002 American civil rights movement: a jury in Birmingham, Alabama, convicts former Ku Klux Klan member Bobby Frank Cherry of the 1963 murders of four girls in the bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church.
  • 2003 In Fort Worth, Texas, Annika Sörenstam becomes the first woman to play the PGA Tour in 58 years.
  • 2004 The U.S. town of Hallam, Nebraska, is wiped out by a powerful F4 tornado (part of the May 2004 tornado outbreak sequence) that broke a width record at an astounding 2.5 miles (4.0 km) wide, which kills one resident.

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It was early one Saturday morning. A friend of mine called to warn me of a group of Jehovah Witnesses working our neighborhood.

I thought it would be funny if I appeared at the door totally nude and holding a beer. I looked out the window and saw a man in a suit, a well-dressed woman and two young girls carrying what looked like a bag. As soon as the doorbell rang, I opened it. Acting very drunk, I asked them to come in. (Remember, I am totally naked.) The children screamed, the mother covered her eyes while running away, and the father told me how digusting I was. He asked how my wife could allow me to hang around the house in that condition. They ran down the sidewalk, as I was rolling on the floor laughing.

About that time, I noticed that a station wagon had just pulled up in front of my house, and two men carrying books got out. These two guys were the real Jehovah Witnesses, and the family of four who had just left were my new neighbors that had just moved in next door and had come over to meet us.

To this day, their kids don’t ride their bikes past my house. And it’s been three years now!

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ONE-LINERS:

~I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it’s going to be up all night.

~I have a full-size map of the world. At the bottom it says “1 inch = 1 inch”. I hardly ever unroll it.

~I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

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pic of the day: Guinea enjoying dust bath

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

BOOK TITLES:

“Totally Pale” by Al Binow

“Outdoor Advertising” by Bill Bored

“The Helper” by Abel N. Willin

“The New Year” by Jan Yuary

“Follow Your Dreams” by Jason Rainbos

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A masterful forger, this guy definitely was not.

News of the Weird reports that in March 1996, 18-year-old dock worker at Roadway Express in Dallas was arrested at a local Western Union and charged with forgery after improperly trying to cash a check made out to his employer.
The man produced a photo ID that gave his name as Mr. Roadway V. Express.

After questioning him, the Western Union manager said, “OK, Mr. Express, I’ll be right back (with the money)” and then called police.

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Things My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
   “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
   2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
   “You�d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
   3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL.
   “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
   ” Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
   “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the shops with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
   “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
   “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
   “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
   “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    “If I�ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
    “Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    “Just wait until we get home.”
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    “You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP.
    “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
    “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    “You’re just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA
: Electric Motor

~An electric motor is an electrical device that functions on the common physics fundamental of converting electrical energy into the mechanical energy.

~Functioning of these motors runs on the law of electro magnetism that focuses on the attraction and repulsion forces between the two particles The stronger the magnetic fields are, stronger will be the motor’s functionality.

~An electric motor comprises of parts such as armature or a rotor, axle, field magnet, DC power supply and a commutator.

~Did you know that there are other types of electric motors that runs without a winding field? These motors are permanent magnet motors that functions on the basis of permanent magnets.

~An electric motor functions on the basic principle of electromagnetism.

~Today is the birthday of the inventor of electric motor

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. – Tartakower

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Life is a game. In order to have a game, something has to be more important than something else. If what already is, is more important than what isn’t, the game is over. So, life is a game in which what isn’t, is more important than what is. Let the good times roll. – Werner Erhard