Jokes and Trivia for April 15, 2013

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another. – Charles Dickens

TODAY – APRIL 15th – MONDAY

105th day of 2013 with 260 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Patriot’s Day  (third Monday of the month in Maine & Massachusetts; commemorating the anniversary of the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the first battles of the American Revolutionary War)

*Rubber Eraser Day

*Titanic Remembrance Day

*National Glazed Spiral Ham Day

*Jackie Robinson Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1452 Leonardo da Vinci, Vinci, Republic of Florence , Italian Renaissance polymath, has often been described as the archetype of the Renaissance Man, a man of “unquenchable curiosity” and “feverishly inventive imagination
  • 1896 Nikolay Nikolayevich Semyonov, Saratov, Russian chemist, known for chemical transformation
  • 1933 Roy Clark, Meherrin, Virginia, singer, musician, and television host, best known for hosting Hee Haw
  • 1947 Lois Chiles, Houston, Texas,  actress (Creepshow 2 )
  • 1950 Amy Wright, Chicago, Illinois,  actress (The Deer Hunter, Breaking Away, The Amityville Horror, Heartland)
  • 1959 Thomas F. Wilson, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,  actor (Freaks and Geeks)
  • 1968 Ed O’Brien, Oxford, England, British musician and songwriter (Radiohead)
  • 1975 Phil Labonte, Chicopee, Massachusetts, singer and guitarist (All That Remains and Shadows Fall)
  • 1982 Anthony Green, Doylestown, Pennsylvania, singer-songwriter and musician (Circa Survive, The Sound of Animals Fighting, Saosin, High and Driving, and Zolof the Rock & Roll Destroyer)
  • 1993 Madeleine Martin, Manhattan, New York,  actress (Californication )

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Each man the architect of his own fate. – Sallust

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1715 Pocotaligo Massacre triggers the start of the Yamasee War in colonial South Carolina.
  • 1755 Samuel Johnson’s A Dictionary of the English Language is published in London.
  • 1783 Preliminary articles of peace ending the American Revolutionary War (or American War of Independence) are ratified.
  • 1802 William Wordsworth and his sister, Dorothy see a “long belt” of daffodils, inspiring the former to pen I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud.
  • 1817 Thomas Hopkins Gallaudet and Laurent Clerc founded the American School for the Deaf, the first American school for deaf students, in Hartford, Connecticut.
  • 1861 President Abraham Lincoln calls for 75,000 Volunteers to quell the insurrection that soon became the American Civil War
  • 1865 Abraham Lincoln dies after being shot the previous evening by actor John Wilkes Booth.
  • 1892 The General Electric Company is formed.
  • 1912 The British passenger liner RMS Titanic sinks in the North Atlantic at 2:20 a.m., two hours and forty minutes after hitting an iceberg. Only 710 of 2,227 passengers and crew on board survived.
  • 1922 U.S. Senator John B. Kendrick of Wyoming introduces a resolution calling for an investigation of secret land deal, which leads to the discovery of the Teapot Dome scandal.
  • 1923 Insulin becomes generally available for use by people with diabetes.
  • 1924 Rand McNally publishes its first road atlas.
  • 1927 The Great Mississippi Flood of 1927, the most destructive river flood in U.S. history, begins.
  • 1935 Roerich Pact signed in Washington, D.C.
  • 1955 McDonald’s restaurant dates its founding to the opening of a franchised restaurant by Ray Kroc, in Des Plaines, Illinois

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A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

“Due to lack of maintenance,” he read, “we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account.”

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A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. “Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?”

“I’ve got a kickstand,” the prospect replied. “Is that the same thing?”

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ONE-LINERS: Religious Education Bloopers

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked ‘Am I my brother’s son?’

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

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pic of the day: Flipper

Becky Flipper

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Oxymorons

– State worker
– Legally drunk
– Exact estimate
– Act naturally
– Found missing
– Resident alien
– Genuine imitation
– Airline Food
– Good grief
– Government organization
– Sanitary landfill

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The clerk asked me, “Cash, check or charge?” after ringing up my purchase.

As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” she asked.

“No,” I replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him!”

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A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.

Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.

“I think you’ve paid your debt to society,” he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: White bread was the original pencil eraser.

~Before erasers were invented, people used a rolled up piece of white bread to erase graphite.

~Some artists still use bread today to lighten charcoal or pastel marks.

~This changed when Edward Naime, an English engineer invented the eraser in 1770.

~The eraser is called a rubber in some places.

~ What’s the story behind?? — The story is that Naime grabbed some rubber instead of bread on accident to erase something and realized its ability.

~Charles Goodyear invented the process of vulcanization in 1839 and made rubber erasers common.

~Then in 1858, Hymen Lipman patented attaching erasers to the ends of pencils.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? – Albert Einstein

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

At one point in your life you either have the thing you want or the reasons why you don’t. – Andy Roddick