Jokes and Trivia for February 7, 2013

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss

TODAY – FEBRUARY 7th – THURSDAY

38th day of 2013 with 327 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Fettuccine Alfredo Day

*Wave All you Fingers at Your Neighbor Day

*Send a Card to a Friend Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1804 John Deere, Rutland, Vermont, blacksmith (pioneer manufacturer of agricultural implements)
  • 1812 Charles Dickens, England, author (Oliver Twist, Tale of 2 Cities)
  • 1837 Sir James Augustus Henry Murray, Scotland, lexiographer (created Oxford Dictionary)
  • 1867 Laura Ingalls Wilder, Pepin County, Wisconsin, children’s book author (Little House on Prairie)
  • 1877 Godfrey Harold Hardy, English mathematician (number theory and mathematical analysis)
  • 1885 Sinclair Lewis, Sauk Centre, Minnesota, writer (first writer from U.S. to win the Nobel Prize in Literature, “for his vigorous and graphic art of description and his ability to create, with wit and humor, new types of characters”)
  • 1905 Ulf von Euler, Stockholm, Sweden, physiologist (known for Neurotransmitter, Norepinephrine, Prostaglandin)
  • 1908 Clarence Linden “Buster” Crabbe, Oakland, California, swimmer (Olympics-gold-1932)/actor (Tarzan, Flash Gordon)
  • 1908 Fred Gipson, Mason, Texas, author (Old Yeller), newspaper journalist
  • 1920 An Wang, Chinese-born computer pioneer, Wang Laboratories (National Inventors Hall of Fame)
  • 1932 Al Worden, Jackson, Michigan, American astronaut (command module pilot for the Apollo 15 moon mission in July–August 1971)
  • 1932 Gay Talese, Ocean City, New Jersey, writer (New York Times, Esquire)
  • 1942 Gareth Hunt, English actor (Upstairs, Downstairs; The New Avengers)
  • 1955 Miguel Ferrer, Santa Monica, California, actor (RoboCop, Twin Peaks, Crossing Jordan, voice of Shan Yu in Mulan)
  • 1960 James Spader, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Pretty in PinkCrash; Stargate; and Secretary )
  • 1962 Garth Brooks, Tulsa, Oklahoma, singer ( 2007: Ultimate Hits)
  • 1965 Jason Gedrick, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Murder One, Boomtown, Iron Eagle )
  • 1965 Chris Rock, Andrews, South Carolina, actor and comedian (Grown Ups, Death at a Funeral, Good Hair)
  • 1975 Wes Borland, Richmond, Virginia,  guitarist (Limp Bizkit)
  • 1978 Ashton Kutcher, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, actor (That ’70s Show, Dude, Where’s My Car?, Just Married, The Butterfly Effect, The Guardian, What Happens in Vegas)
  • 1993 David Dorfman, Los Angeles, California, actor (The Ring)

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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by its breathtaking moments. – Michael Vance

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1301 Edward of Caernarvon (later King Edward II of England) becomes the first English Prince of Wales.
  • 1795 The 11th Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified.
  • 1863 HMS Orpheus sinks off the coast of Auckland, New Zealand, killing 189.
  • 1894 The Cripple Creek miner’s strike, led by the Western Federation of Miners, begins in Cripple Creek, Colorado.
  • 1940 The second full length animated Walt Disney film, Pinocchio, premieres.
  • 1943 Imperial Japanese naval forces complete the evacuation of Imperial Japanese Army troops from Guadalcanal during Operation Ke, ending Japanese attempts to retake the island from Allied forces in the Guadalcanal Campaign.
  • 1962 President Kennedy begins blockade of Cuba, banning all Cuban imports and exports.
  • 1974 Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles” opens in movie theaters.
  • 1979 Pluto moves inside Neptune’s orbit for the first time since either was discovered.
  • 1984 STS-41-B Mission – Astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L. Stewart make the first untethered space walk using the Manned Maneuvering Unit (MMU).
  • 1986 Twenty-eight years of one-family rule end in Haiti, when President Jean-Claude Duvalier flees the Caribbean nation.
  • 1992 The Maastricht Treaty is signed, which will lead to the creation of the European Union.
    1999 Crown Prince Abdullah becomes the King of Jordan on the death of his father, King Hussein.
  • 2009 Bushfires in Victoria left 173 dead in the worst natural disaster in Australia’s history.

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A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said “If you get in, I’ll give you a lollypop.” The girl kept walking.

Following along slowly, the man said “Come on and get in the car with me and I’ll give you two lolly pops.” She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.

The man said “Get in with me and I’ll give you this whole bag of lollypops!”

Finally, the girl turned and said “Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!”

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A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against …. get this …. fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.”

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.

The man sued … and won!!

In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.”

After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested… on 24 counts of arson!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.

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ONE-LINERS: Batch of ‘Dear Abby’ Letters

Dear Abby, I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything, and then said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world.  Now I’ve seen it, how do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered; I think she is going through mental pause.

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pic of the day: Testosterone on Parade

picture of tom turkey and peacock

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

New Excercise Philosophy

Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily but my body doesn’t want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.You are invited to use my program without charge.

1) Beating around the bush

2) Jumping to conclusions

3) Climbing the walls

4) Swallowing my pride

5) Passing the buck

6) Throwing my weight around

7) Dragging my heels

8) Pushing my luck

9) Making mountains out of molehills

10) Hitting the nail on the head

11) Wading through paperwork

12) Bending over backwards

13) Jumping on the bandwagon

14) Balancing the books

15) Running around in circles

16) Eating crow

17) Tooting my own horn

18) Climbing the ladder of success

19) Pulling out the stops

20) Adding fuel to the fire

21) Opening a can of worms

22) Putting my foot in my mouth

23) Starting the ball rolling

24) Going over the edge

25) Picking up the pieces

Happy Exercising…

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The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

“Yes,” he said. “My dad taught me.”

“Good! Can you tell me what comes after three.”

“Four,” answers little Johnny.

“What comes after six?”

“Seven.”

“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a good job. What comes after ten?”

“A jack,” says little Johnny.

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A few days ago my daughter, who is expecting her third child, was telling the other two children that this baby is kicking alot. She further explained that when she had the first one, Mikey, he didn’t kick too much.

Mikey gently said to his mother “Mom, do you know why I didn’t kick you too much? Because I knew you were my Mommy”.

Out of the mouths of our sweet babes.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Fettuccine Alfredo

~Fettuccine Alfredo was created during the 1920s by restaurateur Alfredo di Lelio, at his restaurant in Rome, ‘Alfredo all’Augusteo’.

~Original consists of butter, cream, fresh ground black pepper and Parmesan cheese.

~Fettuccine Alfredo supposedly became famous in 1927 when Hollywood stars Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks dined at Di Lelio’s restaurant for several nights while on their honeymoon. They spread the word when they returned to America.

The pasta used for this dish, fettuccine, is similar to spaghetti, but this noodle is flat and thin instead of round and thin.

A two-cup serving of one fettuccine Alfredo recipe adds 660 calories to your meal plan.

~Fettuccine Alfredo is a good source of protein.

~One serving of fettuccine Alfredo contains 20 percent of the iron you require each day. Iron is important for your red blood cell count.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Wise men may not be learned; learned men may not be wise – Chinese Proverb.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it. – Marcus Aurelius