Jokes and Trivia for March 12, 2013

The real opportunity for success lies within the person and not in the job. – Zig Ziglar


71st day of 2013 with 294 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Girl Scouts Day

*Plant a Flower Day

*National Baked Scallops Day

*National Nutrition Month



  • 1831 Clement Studebaker, Pinetown, Pennsylvania, wagon and carriage manufacturer (Conestoga wagons, founded Studebaker Corporation which later built automobiles)
  • 1835 Simon Newcomb, Wallace, Nova Scotia, Canadian-born American astronomer and mathematician (important contributions to timekeeping, Benford’s law, Chandler wobble)
  • 1838 William Henry Perkin, East End of London, English chemist (best known for his discovery, at the age of 18, of the first aniline dye, mauveine)
  • 1912 Paul Weston, Springfield, Massachusetts, pianist, arranger and conductor; musical director for tv shows (Grammy 1971)
  • 1913 Agathe von Trapp, member of the Trapp family singers (eldest daughter), inspiration for “The Sound of Music
  • 1922 Jack Kerouac, Lowell, Massachusetts, author (considered literary iconoclast, pioneer of the Beat Generation; On the Road, Desolation Angels, Big Sur)
  • 1923 Wally Schirra, Hackensack, New Jersey, astronaut (only person to fly in all of American’s first three space programs: Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo)
  • 1925 Harry Harrison, Stamford, Connecticut, science fiction author (Stainless Steel Rat series; Make Room! Make Room – basis for film Soylent Green)
  • 1931 Billie “Buckwheat” Thomas, Los Angeles, California, actor (Our Gang/Little Rascals)
  • 1931 Herbert Kelleher, Trenton, New Jersey, airline executive (co-founder, Chairman Emeritus, and former CEO of Southwest Airlines)
  • 1933 Barbara Feldon, Bethel Park, Pennsylvania actress and model (Get Smart)
  • 1938 Johnny Rutherford, Coffeyville, Kansas, auto racer (won Indianapolis 500 in 1974, 1976 & 1980)
  • 1938 Lew DeWitt, Roanoke, Virginia, country singer and songwriter (tenor for The Statler Brothers; Flowers on the Wall, The Movies)
  • 1946 Frank Welker, Denver, Colorado, voice actor (one of highest grossing actors; Scooby-Doo, SuperFriends, The Real Ghostbusters, The Smurfs,Species, Transformers, Road Runner, K-9 & many more!)
  • 1946 Liza Minnelli, Hollywood, California, singer and actress (Cabaret, Arthur, Junie Moon)
  • 1948 James Taylor, Boston, Massachusetts, musician (Fire and Rain, You’ve Got A Friend, Don’t Let Me Be Lonely Tonight)
  • 1950 Jon Provost, Los Angeles, California, actor (Timmy in Lassie; The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes)
  • 1956 Steve Harris, Leytonstone, Essex (now London), musician (Iron Maiden)
  • 1957 Marlon Jackson, Gary, Indiana, singer and musician (The Jackson 5)
  • 1960 Kipp Lennon, Venice, California, singer
  • 1968 Aaron Eckhart, Cupertino, California, actor (Erin Brockovich, Thank You for Smoking, The Dark Knight, The Core)
  • 1982 Samm Levine, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Freaks and Geeks)
  • 1984 Jaimie Alexander, Greenville, South Carolina, actress (Kyle XY, Thor )
  • 1986 Danny Jones, Bolton, Greater Manchester, singer (McFly)
  • 1994 Tyler Patrick Jones, California, United States, American actor  (Ghost Whisperer)


I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it. – Charles Schulz



  • 1912 The Girl Guides (later renamed the Girl Scouts of the USA) are founded in the United States.
  • 1913 Canberra Day: The future capital of Australia is officially named Canberra. (Melbourne remained temporary capital until 1927 while the new capital is still under construction.)
  • 1918 Moscow becomes the capital of Russia again after Saint Petersburg held this status for 215 years.
  • 1928 In California, the St. Francis Dam fails; the resulting floods kill over 600 people.
  • 1930 Mahatma Gandhi leads a 200-mile march, known as the Salt March, to the sea in defiance of British opposition, to protest the British monopoly on salt.
  • 1933 Great Depression: Franklin D. Roosevelt addresses the nation for the first time as President of the United States. This is also the first of his “fireside chats”.
  • 1934 Konstantin Päts and General Johan Laidoner stage a coup in Estonia, and ban all political parties.
  • 1947 The Truman Doctrine is proclaimed to help stem the spread of Communism.
  • 1964 New Hampshire becomes the first U.S. state to legally sell lottery tickets in the 20th century.
  • 1994 The Church of England ordains its first female priests.
  • 1999 Former Warsaw Pact members the Czech Republic, Hungary and Poland join NATO.
  • 2003 Zoran Đinđić, Prime Minister of Serbia, is assassinated in Belgrade.
  • 2004 The President of South Korea, Roh Moo-hyun, is impeached by its national assembly: the first such impeachment in the nation’s history.
  • 2009 Financier Bernard Madoff plead guilty in New York to scamming $18 billion, the largest in Wall Street history.
  • 2011 A reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant melts and explodes and releases radioactivity into the atmosphere a day after Japan’s earthquake.


A fellow hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children.

All during dinner one co-worker’s tiny daughter stared at the man sitting across from her.

The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.

The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her staring.  He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him.  He asked her, “Sweetie, why are you staring at me?”

The table went quiet for her response.

The little girl said, “I just want to see how you drink like a fish!”


A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch. He ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, and a slice of apple pie.

As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside. The bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down the apple pie.

The truck driver didn’t say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left.

When he was gone, one of the motorcyclists said, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?”

“He’s not much of a driver, either,” the cashier replied, “He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”


ONE-LINERS: Texting Codes for Seniors:

ATD- At the Doctor’s
BFF – Best Friend’s Funeral
BTW- Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM- Covered by Medicare
CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center
DWI- Driving While Incontinent
FWBB – Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
FMI- Found My Insulin
GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA – Got Heartburn Again
HGBM – Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL- Living on Lipitor
LWO- Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR- On My Massage Recliner
OMSG – Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFLCGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing, Can’t Get Up!
TOT- Texting on Toilet
TTYL – Talk to You Louder
WAITT – Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA – Wet the Furniture Again
WTP- Where’re the Prunes
WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!


pic of the day: Wolffia, or Duckweeds


by Eric Guinther



Unfortunate names that parents give their Children

Girls Names
Teresa Green
Nora Bone
Dee Zaster
Robyn Banks
Rosie Peach
Penny Wise
Ima Kettle
Dan Druff

Justin Case
Mike Stand
Seymour Legg
Sean Head
Tim Burr
Ash Hull

Either Gender
Sandy Banks
Shandy Lear
Rusty Nails
Robin Plunder

Girls have an extra hazard, they could marry into a tricky name.  For example, Annette Brown marries Joe Curtain and becomes A Net Curtain.


A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy conditions should take:

– Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag
– Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves
– 24 hours supply of food and drink
– De-icer
– 5 kgs of rock salt
– Torch or lantern with spare batteries
– Road flares and reflective triangles
– Tow rope
– 5 gallon petrol can
– First aid kit
– Jump leads

I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning.


On New Year’s day at about 3.30 in the afternoon, having enjoyed an excellent lunch with his wife, children and grand children, Patrick knew it was time to take Roxy, his well-loved mongrel dog for his afternoon’s constitutional.

Unable to find his usually clutch of plastic bags for collecting the Roxy’s “doings” he called to his wife that he would take, instead, the fancy gift bag in which he had recently received a small present from his grand-daughter.

He strode purposefully down Leith Avenue and into Hill Road, Roxy on his lead and the pretty gift bag swinging freely in his hand. The dog stopped on two occasions and Roxy’s “doings” were transferred into the gift bag for later disposal.

Hill Road narrows as it approaches Portchester railway station and joins with Station Road. A narrow path is the only pedestrian way under the railway bridge and it is very close to the road.

Patrick carefully manoeuvred himself and the dog along the narrow path. At this moment, two youths aged approximately 13 or 14 years old came cycling, at considerable speed up the road.

Shouting and laughing at Patrick, the youths grabbed and stole the colourful gift bag and sped off into the distance.

Patrick has often wondered what happened next.


TODAY IN TRIVIA: Flowers make life more colorful.

~The rose is the best-known symbol of beauty and love. Red roses mean I love you. A single rose signifies simplicity.

~Women prefer pastel colored roses, men on the other hand prefer red.

~Tulip bulbs can be used in place of onions for cooking.

~In 1986 Congress voted to make the rose America’s national flower.

~California is the source for nearly 60% of all USA-grown fresh cut flowers.

~Americans bought more than 1.2 BILLION fresh cut roses in the year 1996. That’s 4.67 roses for every man, woman, and child nationwide.

~The rose of Great Britain was the symbol of the Royal Family. The rose of Scotland was a kind of weed called “the wild thistle”.

~The World’s Largest Flower — The Titan Arum is not only the world’s largest flower it is also the world’s smelliest.

~The World’s Smallest Flower — A bouquet of a dozen Wolffia blooms would comfortably fit on the head of a pin.  Commonly called watermeal or duckweed, these aquatic plants resemble specks of cornmeal floating on the water.

~The World’s Largest Bouquet — 70, 000 roses went into the making of the world’s largest flower bouquet. It was the work of Ashrita Furman


QUIP OF THE DAY: You can’t be truly rude until you understand good manners. – Rita Mae Brown


Thought for the day. . .

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey