Jokes and Trivia for June 5, 2012

Each person must live their life as a model for others. – Rosa Parks

TODAY – JUNE 5 – TUESDAY

157thday of 2012 with 209 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*World Environment Day

*National Gingerbread Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1760 Johan Gadolin, Finnish scientist ( discovered element yttrium. considered  founder of Finnish chemistry research)
  • 1850 Pat Garrett, Chambers County, Alabama, Western lawman (sheriff of Lincoln County, NM, best known for killing Billy the Kid)
  • 1878 Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary (prominent Mexican Revolutionary general)
  • 1895 William Boyd, Belmont County, Ohio, actor (Hopalong Cassidy)
  • 1919 Richard Scarry, Boston, Massachusetts, children’s book author/illustrator (Best Bedtime Book Ever, Silly Stories, Tinker and Tanker)
  • 1934 Bill Moyers, Hugo, Oklahoma, journalist & public commentator
  • 1943 Matthew Lesko, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, author (reference books on how to get “free” money from U.S. government)
  • 1949 Ken Follett, Welsh author (Eye of the Needle, Pillars of the Earth, Whiteout)
  • 1951 Suze Orman, Chicago, Illinois, financial advisor, writer, and television personality (The Road to Wealth)
  • 1954 Nancy Stafford, Wilton Manors, Florida, actress (Matlock, Judging Amy )
  • 1960 Leslie Hendrix, San Francisco, California, actress (Law & Order, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Law & Order: Criminal Intent and Law & Order: Trial by Jury)
  • 1962 Jeff Garlin, Chicago, Illinois, comedian (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
  • 1964 Rick Riordan, San Antonio, Texas, author (Percy Jackson & the Olympians series, Tres Navarre mystery series)
  • 1967 Ron Livingston, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, actor (Office Space, Band of Brothers, Standoff, Defying Gravity)
  • 1977 Christian Martucci, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,  musician
  • 1977 Liza Weil, New Jersey, actress (Gilmore Girls, Scandal)
  • 1979 Pete Wentz, Wilmette, Illinois, musician (Fall Out Boy)
  • 1981 Sebastien Lefebvre, Montréal, Québec, Canada, musician (Simple Plan)

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There are two great rules of life: never tell everything at once. – Ken Venturi

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1817 The first Great Lakes steamer, the Frontenac, is launched.
  • 1837 Houston, Texas is incorporated by the Republic of Texas.
  • 1851 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s anti-slavery serial, Uncle Tom’s Cabin or, Life Among the Lowly starts a ten-month run in the National Era abolitionist newspaper.
  • 1917 Conscription begins in the United States as “Army registration day” during World War I.
  • 1933 The U.S. Congress abrogates the United States’ use of the gold standard by enacting a joint resolution (48 Stat. 112) nullifying the right of creditors to demand payment in gold.
  • 1942 World War II: United States declares war on Bulgaria, Hungary, and Romania.
  • 1956 Elvis Presley introduces his new single, “Hound Dog”, on The Milton Berle Show, scandalizing the audience with his suggestive hip movements.
  • 1967 Six-Day War begins: The Israeli air force launches simultaneous pre-emptive attacks on the air forces of Egypt and Syria.
  • 1968 U.S. presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy is shot at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles, California by Palestinian Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy dies the next day.
  • 1969 The International communist conference begins in Moscow.
  • 1975 The Suez Canal opens for the first time since the Six-Day War.
  • 1975 The United Kingdom holds its first country-wide referendum, on remaining in the European Economic Community (EEC).
  • 1976 Collapse of the Teton Dam in Idaho, United States.
  • 1977 The Apple II, one of the first personal computers, goes on sale.
  • 1981 The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that five people in Los Angeles, California have a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with weakened immune systems, in what turns out to be the first recognized cases of AIDS.
  • 2001 Tropical Storm Allison makes landfall on the upper-Texas coastline as a strong tropical storm and dumps large amounts of rain over Houston. The storm caused $5.5 billion in damages, making Allison the costliest tropical storm in U.S. history.

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For months Bill had been Lynn’s devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question.

“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” Bill began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”

To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn’s eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, “I think it’s a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?”

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ONE-LINERS: These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)

– We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

– For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

– Great Dames for sale.

– Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

– Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

– Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

– Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

– If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

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pic of the day: Baby Peacock …

peachick

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Dr. Stein had been experimenting with matter transfer theories his entire life and one night he erroneously reversed the wires on his prototype time machine and was instantly cast into a dark void. When he gathered his senses he discovered he was in a tunnel racing
forward in time.

His immediate elation was soon quelled as he realized his movement was taking him so far into the future that he would soon reach the time of his death. There had to be a way to stop his forward progress and thus avert tragedy.

He spied a small ornamental recess in the wall of the time tunnel wherein rested a plaque engraved with the number of the year he was about to enter. He could see by this plaque that he had already projected himself two years into the future. He thereupon resolved to catch the edge of the next recess to arrest his progress. This, he hoped, would prevent him from continuing toward an “untimely” fate.

And he did so. His movement stopped. “Amazing!” he exclaimed. “Wait until my colleagues find out that a niche in time saved Stein.”

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My wife and I recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife’s insistence, we had paid the entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments.

We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby’s crib, I heard her mutter, “The only thing in the house that’s paid for, and it leaks!”
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I’ve never understood why women love cats.

Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: GINGER

~Ginger was widely used by the ancient Romans and it was a very expensive spice, one pound of ginger was equivalent to the price of a whole sheep.

~The trade of such spices were the root of the world’s economy for centuries.

~The ginger root is not actually a root, but a rhizome.

~The major producers of Ginger today are China and tropical/subtropical places in Asia, Brazil, Jamaica, Nigeria.

~The ginger plant is approximately 30 – 60 cm tall and is extremely rare to find in the wild.

~Even today Ginger is one of the most important spices world wide.

~Ginger has a wide variety of effects on the human body and is known to be effective for the treatment of cataracts, amenorrhea, heart disease, migraines, stroke, , angina, athlete’s foot, colds, bursitis, chronic fatigue, tendinitis, flu, coughs, depression, dizziness, fever, erectile difficulties, infertility, kidney stones, Raynaud’s disease, sciatica,  and viral infections.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. – Horace

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

When you don’t get what you want, you suffer. If you get it, you suffer too since you can’t hold on to it forever.” – Peaceful Warrior, on the fallacy of attachment