Jokes and Trivia for November 22, 2012

No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.Sholom Aleichem

TODAY – NOVEMBER 22nd – THURSDAY

327th day of 2012 with 39 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Cashew Day (some places say Nov. 22, some say Nov. 23)

*Start Your Own Country Day

*Go For A Ride Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1808 Thomas Cook, British travel entrepreneur (travel agency/travel books)
  • 1904 Louis Néel, Lyon, France, physicist (Nobel / pioneering studies of the magnetic properties of solids)
  • 1917 Andrew Fielding London, England, scientist (nerve action potentials)
  • 1921 Rodney Dangerfield, Babylon, New York, comedian (Caddyshack, Back to School)
  • 1926 Arthur Jones, born in Arkansas & raised in Oklahoma, founder of Nautilus, Inc. and MedX, Inc.; inventor (Nautilus exercise machines)
  • 1930 Owen K Garriott, Enid, Oklahoma, former astronaut (60 days Skylab in 1973; 10 days Spacelab-1 in 1983); co-founder of Origin Systems
  • 1932 Robert Vaughn, NYC, actor (Napoleon Solo / Man from UNCLE, I Spy, Superman III)
  • 1941 Terry Stafford, Hollis, Oklahoma,  singer and songwriter (Suspicion, Amarillo by Morning)
  • 1943 Billie Jean King, Long Beach, California, tennis pro (Wimbledon 1966, 67, 68, 72, 73, 75)
  • 1947 Valerie Wilson Wesley, Connecticut,  author (Tamara Hayle mystery series)
  • 1950 Steven Van Zandt, Winthrop, Massachusetts,  musician (best known as a member of Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band )
  • 1958 Jamie Lee Curtis, Los Angeles, California, actress (True Lies, Halloween, Freaky Friday)
  • 1961 Mariel Hemingway, Mill Valley, California, actress (Between Truth and Lies, My Suicide)
  • 1967 Mark Ruffalo, Kenosha, Wisconsin, actor (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Zodiac )
  • 1983 Tyler Hilton, Palm Springs, California,  singer and actor (Picture Perfect )
  • 1984 Scarlett Johansson, New York City, New York,  actress (He’s Just Not That into You , Iron Man 2 )
  • 1985 Austin Brown, Tarzana, California, singer (Centipede )

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The more you take responsibility for your past and present, the more you are able to create the future you seek. – Celestine Chua

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1718 British pirate Edward Teach (best known as “Blackbeard”) is killed in battle with a boarding party led by Lieutenant Robert Maynard off coast of NC.
  • 1864 American Civil War: Sherman’s March to the Sea: Confederate General John Bell Hood invades Tennessee in an unsuccessful attempt to draw Union General William T. Sherman from Georgia.
  • 1910 Arthur Knight patented steel shaft golf clubs.
  • 1943 World War II: War in the Pacific – U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-Shek meet in Cairo, Egypt, to discuss ways to defeat Japan.
  • 1954 The Humane Society of the United States is founded.
  • 1963 In Dallas, Texas, US President John F. Kennedy is killed and Texas Governor John B. Connally is seriously wounded by Lee Harvey Oswald, who is later captured and charged with the murder of police officer J. D. Tippit. That same day, US Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson is sworn in as the 36th President of the United States.
  • 1969 In American football, the University of Michigan upset Ohio State University, 24-12, in Bo Schembechler’s first season as Michigan’s head coach. The win set off the 10 Year War between Schembechler and Ohio State’s Woody Hayes.
  • 1986 Mike Tyson defeats Trevor Berbick to become youngest Heavyweight champion in boxing history.
  • 1987 Two Chicago television stations are hijacked by an unknown pirate dressed as Max Headroom.
  • 1988 In Palmdale, California, the first prototype B-2 Spirit stealth bomber is revealed.
  • 1990 Margaret Thatcher announces her resignation as British Prime Minister.
  • 1995 Toy Story is released as the first feature-length film created completely using computer-generated imagery.
  • 2008 YouTube hosts the largest ever live broadcast, YouTube Live.

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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

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ONE-LINERS:

This, and other, funny courtroom exchanges are taken from a little book called ‘Disorder in the Court’. They quote funny things people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetite

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice scream

When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you’re a mouse

What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
Lazy bones

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centres

Why don’t skeletons like parties?
No body to dance with

What was the favourite game at the ghosts’ birthday party?
Hide and shriek

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray

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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Go For a Ride Day is today.

~Go For A Ride Day encourages you to get out into the world –—- hop on your bike, into your car, or simply get your walking boots out of storage and go on a trip

~You don’t need a destination to enjoy this day.  But, you certainly can bring family or friends along for company.

~The means of transportation can be anything.

~Some other ways of riding, that may prove more fun than the family vehicle:

  • Take a sleigh ride.
  • Ride a horse.
  • Ride a horse-drawn carriage.
  • Snowmobile rides are always “cool”.
  • A bicycle is a great, way to ride and exercise.
  • A boat ride, if your are a warmer climate.
  • Doesn’t a plane ride to a sunny vacation spot sound like fun!?
  • You can’t ride in my little red wagon. Okay, you can ride in it.

What are you waiting for!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Don’t be afraid to take one large step because you can’t cross a chasm in two small leaps. – Anonymous

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

It’s no use saying, “We are doing our best.” You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary. Winston Churchill