Jokes and Trivia for June 20, 2012

If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep. – Dale Carnegie

TODAY – JUNE 20th – WEDNESDAY

172nd day of 2012 with194 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Summer Solstice (Summer begins in the Northern Hemisphere at 6:09 P.M. (CDT))

*Ice Cream Soda Day

*National Vanilla Milkshake Day

*West Virginia Day

*World Refugee Day

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1861 Frederick Gowland Hopkins, Eastbourne, Sussex , English biochemist (Nobel / the discovery of vitamins)
  • 1894 Lloyd Hall, Elgin, Illinois,  chemist, contributed to the science of food preservation (amassed 59 U.S. patents)
  • 1909 Errol Flynn, Australian actor (Captain Blood, Robin Hood, Against All Flags)
  • 1924 Audie Murphy, Kingston, Texas, WWII hero/actor (Destry, Joe Butterfly)
  • 1924 Chet Atkins, Luttrell, Tennessee, guitarist (Me & My Guitar) / producer
  • 1928 Martin Landau, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Tucker: The Man and His Dream, Crimes and Misdemeanors)
  • 1936 Billy Guy, USA , American singer (The Coasters)
  • 1942 Brian Wilson, Inglewood, California, musician (The Beach Boys)
  • 1945 Anne Murray, Nova Scotia, Canada, singer (Snow Bird)
  • 1946 Bob Vila, home improvement television show host (This Old House, Bob Vila’s Home Again, Bob Vila)
  • 1950 Lionel Richie, Tuskegee, Alabama, singer (Commodores)
  • 1952 John Goodman, Affton, Missouri, actor (The Big Lebowski , O Brother Where Art Thou? , Monsters, Inc.)
  • 1952 Vince Gotera, San Francisco, California, poet, best known as Editor of the North American Review
  • 1967 Nicole Kidman, Honolulu, Hawaii, American-born Australian actress (Moulin Rouge! , Batman Forever Happy Feet, Rabbit Hole  )
  • 1971 Josh Lucas, Little Rock, Arkansas, actor (Poseiden, Sweet Home Alabama, A Beautiful Mind, Glory Road)
  • 1986 Dreama Walker, Tampa, Florida, actress (Gossip Girl, The Good Wife, Don’t Trust The B—- in Apartment 23)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The words ‘I am…’ are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you’re claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you. – A. L. Kitselman

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1782 The U.S. Congress adopts the Great Seal of the United States.
  • 1787 Oliver Ellsworth moves at the Federal Convention to call the government the United States.
  • 1840 Samuel Morse receives the patent for the telegraph.
  • 1863 West Virginia admitted as 35th US state.
  • 1877 World’s first commercial telephone service in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada by Alexander Graham Bell.
  • 1893 Lizzie Borden is acquitted for the murders of her father and stepmother.
  • 1919 150 die at the Teatro Yaguez fire, Mayagüez, Puerto Rico.
  • 1944 World War II: The Battle of the Philippine Sea concludes with a decisive U.S. naval victory. The lopsided naval air battle is also known as the “Great Marianas Turkey Shoot”.
  • 1948  Toast of the Town, later The Ed Sullivan Show, makes its television debut.
  • 1956 A Venezuelan Super-Constellation crashes in the Atlantic Ocean off Asbury Park, New Jersey, killing 74 people.
  • 1959 A rare June hurricane struck Canada’s Gulf of St. Lawrence killing 35.
  • 1963 “Red telephone” established between Soviet Union and United States following the Cuban Missile Crisis.
  • 1990 Asteroid Eureka is discovered.
  • 1991 The German parliament decides to move the capital from Bonn back to Berlin.
  • 2003 The WikiMedia Foundation is founded in St. Petersburg, Florida.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

** Funny Employee Evaluations **
1. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
3. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargles
4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered in a trap.
5. When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8. She sets low personal standards, then consistently fails to achieve them.
9. This employee should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.
10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.

“Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover.”

“Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: Confucius Says

– Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

– Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

– He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.

– Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

– Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.

– Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

– Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Chicken Row

chickens on fence

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

One day two carrots were walking down the street. They were the best of friends. Just as they started to step off the curb a car came speeding around the corner and ran one of them over.

The unhurt carrot called an ambulance and helped his friend as best he could. He was taken to emergecy at the hospital, and rushed away.

After many hours of agonized waiting, the doctor came out. He walked over to the distraught carrot and said “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.”

“The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life”.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, “Can you deliver it filled with water?”

Stunned, I replied, “Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!”

After a short pause, she said, “Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Lightning Strikes Down Chinese Debtor – A Chinese man called Mr Xu, swore to God that he didn’t owe about $100 to his neighbour Mr Huang.  In the time it has taken you to read this a lightning bolt struck down Mr Xu.  Mr Huang remembered the debt well, Xu borrowed the money for a friend’s marriage gift.

In desperation Mr Huang said that if Xu dared to swear to god that he did not owe the money, then he would waive the dept.  Xu foolishly took up the challenge, and made the oath in front of a crowd of neighbours in Fuqing city, China.  Less than a minute after Xu made his oath, he was struck down by lightning.

Xu was quickly taken to hospital where doctors confirmed he had indeed been injured by lightning.  While he is expected to make a full recovery, it is hoped that Xu will settle his debt honourably.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Let’s talk about milk! Goat’s Milk!

~Goat’s milk contains more butterfat than cow’s milk.

~Each different strain of dairy goat yields a different flavor of milk.

~Goat’s milk is the primary ingredient in cheeses like feta, caprino, gevrik, and rocamadour.

~During early explorations of our planet, sailing ships maintained goats aboard to provide sailors with fresh milk.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: Friends are those who treat you kindly behind your back.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Promise yourself to live your life as a revolution and not just a process of evolution. – Anthony J. D’Angel