Jokes and Trivia for April 10, 2013

Sport and life is about losing. It’s about understanding how to lose. – Lynn Davies

TODAY – APRIL 10th – WEDNESDAY

100th day of 2013 with 265 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Cinnamon Crescent (Croissant) Day

*Golfer’s Day

*National Siblings Day

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1794 Matthew C. Perry, Newport, Rhode Island, Commodore of U.S. Navy (War of 1812, leading role in opening of Japan to the West, Father of the Steam Navy)
  • 1796 James “Jim” Bowie, Logan County, Kentucky, pioneer and soldier (prominent role in Texas Revolution, died in Battle of the Alamo)
  • 1829 William Booth, English Methodist preacher and founder of the Salvation Army
  • 1847 Joseph Pulitzer, Hungarian-American journalist and publisher (St. Louis Dispatch and New York World, best known for establishing the Pulitzer Prizes)
  • 1868 George Arliss, English actor (1st British actor to win Academy Award/ Disraeli, The Green Goddess)
  • 1887 Bernardo Houssay, Buenos Aires, Argentina, Argentine physiologist (discovery of the role played by pituitary hormones in regulating the amount of blood sugar (glucose))
  • 1915 Harry Morgan, Detroit, Michicgan, actor (Colonel Sherman T. Potter in M*A*S*H, Officer Bill Gannon on Dragnet, December Bride, Hec Ramsey)
  • 1917 Robert Burns Woodward, Boston, Massachusetts, American chemist (many key contributions to modern organic chemistry, especially in the synthesis and structure determination of complex natural products)
  • 1921 Chuck Connors, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Lucas McCain in The Rifleman, Old Yeller, The Big Country, Geronimo, Flipper, Branded, Dark Shadows, Soylent Green, Virus)
  • 1926 Junior Samples, Cumming, Georgia, southern comedian (Hee Haw)
  • 1927 Marshall Warren Nirenberg, New York City, American scientist (known for “breaking genetic code”)
  • 1932 Omar Sharif, Egyptian actor (Lawrence of Arabia, Doctor Zhivago, Funny Girl, Hildago, One Night with the King)
  • 1936 John Madden, Austin, Minnesota, football coach and broadcaster on NFL telecasts
  • 1938 Don Meredith, Mount Vernon, Texas, football player (quarterback) and broadcaster, actor (Police Story)
  • 1941 Paul Theroux, Medford, Massachusetts, author (The Great Railway Bazaar, The Mosquito Coast, Blinding Light)
  • 1950 Eddie Hazel, Brooklyn, New York, American guitarist (P-Funk and The Temptations) (d. 1992)
  • 1952 Steven Seagal, Lansing, Michigan, martial artist (1st foreigner to operate an Aikido dojo in Japan) and actor (Under Siege, Ond Deadly Ground, The Patriot, Exit Wounds)
  • 1954 Anne Lamott, San Francisco, California, writer (Rosie, Crooked Little Heart, Blue Shoe)
  • 1954 Peter MacNicol, Dallas, Texas, actor (Ghostbusters II, Sophie’s Choice, Bean, Ally McBeal, 24, Chicago Hope, NUMB3RS)
  • 1957 John M. Ford, East Chicago, Indiana, science fiction author, game designer (Star Trek III, GURPS), and poet (The Dragon Waiting, The Final Reflection, How Much for Just the Planet?, Timesteps)
  • 1959 Brian Setzer, Massapequa, New York, musician (Stray Cats)
  • 1968 Orlando Jones, Mobile, Alabama, actor and comedian (MADtv, 7 Up spokesman, The Evidence, Bedazzled, Runaway Jury, Primeval)
  • 1975 Chris Carrabba, West Hartford, Connecticut, singer (lead singer and guitarist of the band Dashboard Confessional)
  • 1980 Kasey Kahne, Enumclaw, Washington, race-car driver (NASCAR and Sprint Cup series)
  • 1981 Liz McClarnon, Liverpool, England, singer (Atomic Kitten)
  • 1982 Chyler Leigh, Charlotte, North Carolina, actress (Dr. Lexie Grey on Grey’s Anatomy, Not Another Teen Movie)
  • 1981 Michael Pitt, West Orange, New Jersey, actor (The Dreamers, Boardwalk Empire )
  • 1984 Mandy Moore, Nashua, New Hampshire, singer/actor (A Walk to Remember, Chasing Liberty, voice of Rapunzel in Tangled)
  • 1984 Cara DeLizia, Silver Spring, Maryland, actress (So Weird, Boston Public, Twins)
  • 1991 A.J. Michalka, Torrance, California, actress and singer (The Lovely Bones, Secretariat, The Guardian, Oliver Beene)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. – Lillian Dickson

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 837 Halley’s Comet and Earth experienced their closest approach to one another when their separating distance equalled 0.0342 AU (3.2 million miles).
  • 1606 The Charter of the Virginia Company of London is established by royal charter by James I of England with the purpose of establishing colonial settlements in North America.
  • 1816 The United States Government approves the creation of the Second Bank of the United States.
  • 1858 After the original Big Ben, a 14.5 tonne bell for the Palace of Westminster had cracked during testing, it is recast into the current 13.76 tonne bell by Whitechapel Bell Foundry.
  • 1865 American Civil War: A day after his surrender to Union forces, Confederate General Robert E. Lee addresses his troops for the last time.
  • 1866 The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) is founded in New York City by Henry Bergh.
  • 1874 The first Arbor Day is celebrated in Nebraska.
  • 1887 On Easter Sunday, Pope Leo XIII authorizes the establishment of The Catholic University of America.
  • 1912 The Titanic leaves port in Southampton, England for her first and only voyage.
  • 1916 The Professional Golfers Association of America (PGA) is created in New York City.
  • 1925 The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald is first published in New York City, by Charles Scribner’s Sons.
  • 1953 Warner Brothers premieres the first 3-D film from a major American studio, entitled House of Wax.
  • 1957 The Suez Canal is reopened for all shipping after being closed for three months.
  • 1972 Seventy-four nations sign the Biological Weapons Convention, the first multilateral disarmament treaty banning the production of biological weapons.
  • 1979 Red River Valley Tornado Outbreak: A tornado lands in Wichita Falls, Texas killing 42 people.
  • 1991 Italian ferry Moby Prince collides with an oil tanker in dense fog off Livorno, Italy killing 140.
  • 1991 A rare tropical storm develops in the South Atlantic Ocean near Angola; the first to be documented by satellites.
  • 1992 The Maraghar Massacre, killing of ethnic Armenian civil population of the village Maraghar by Azerbaijani troops during the Nagorno-Karabakh War.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

I’d tell you another joke about a pencil. But it doesn’t have any point!

Why do idiots eat biscuits? Because they’re crackers!

What was the gangsters last words? Who put that violin in my violin case!

Did you hear about the little boy that they named after his father? They called him dad!

What has forty feet and sings? The school choir!

Did you hear about the stupid Kamikaze pilot? He flew 57 missions!

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your problem is.” The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.

They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

“One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put it $49,999”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: Top 10 Truths You Won’t Learn In Engineering School:

10. There are about 10 types of capacitors.

9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it doesn’t work.

8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.

7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it. Except calculus, which you will never use.

6. Always try to fix the hardware with the software.

5. Engineering is like having an 8 AM class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.

4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?

3. Engineers rule the world. Until the next revision.

2. If you like junk food, caffeine, and all-nighters, then you should go into architecture.

… and the Number One Truth You Won’t Learn In Engineering School:

1. Dilbert is a documentary.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Whale of a Good Time!

Getting Splashed

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

“Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .”, the sodium pined.

“It’s just a phase you’re going through”, replied the Bunsen burner.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall…

Q. If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall into water, which one would dissolve faster?

A. The bear in Alaska because it’s polar.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him.

At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn’t run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn’t see anything.

He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. “I’m sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road.”

But the priest said, “Don’t worry, son. I got him with my door.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Must know about the sports – GOLF

~The longest drive ever is 515 yards. The longest putt ever is a monstrous 375 feet

~Phil Mickelson, who plays left-handed, is actually right handed.

~Tiger Woods hurdled his first ace at the tender age of eight years old.

~The longest golf course in the world is the par 77 International Golf Club in Massachusetts which measures a fearsome 8325 yards

~The highest golf course in the world is the Tactu Golf Club in Morococha, Peru, which sits 14,335 feet above sea level at its lowest point.

~There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

~ From 1457 to 1502, golf was banned in Scotland to ensure citizens wouldn’t waste time when preparing for an English invasion

~The term birdie comes from an American named Ab Smith.

~The word golf does not mean “Gentleman Only, Ladies Forbidden”. This is an internet myth.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. – Anonymous

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

We learn wisdom from failure much more than success. We often discover what we will do, by finding out what we will not do. – Samuel Smiles