Jokes and Trivia for July 23, 2012

True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost. – Charles Caleb Colton

TODAY – JULY 23rd – MONDAY

205th day of 2012 with 161 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Hot Dog Day

*National Vanilla Ice Cream Day

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1775 Étienne-Louis Malus, Paris, France,  physicist and mathematician (known for polarization of light Malus’ law)
  • 1885 Georges Matchabelli, Georgian prince  (immigrated to America), diplomat & perfume manufacturer (Wind Song, Ave Maria, Princess Norina)
  • 1888 Raymond Chandler, Chicago, Illinois, author (The Big Sleep, The Long Goodbye, Farewell My Lovely, The Lady in the Lake)
  • 1901 Hank Worden, Rolfe, Iowa, cowboy turned actor (The Lone Ranger, The Searchers, The Alamo, McLintock, Rio Lobo, Big Jake, Twin Peaks)
  • 1906 Vladimir Prelog, Herzegovina, Austria-Hungary, Croatian chemist (organic chemistry, biochemistry)
  • 1929 Danny Barcelona, Waipahu, drummer with Louis Armstrong’s All-Star band
  • 1961 Woody Harrelson, Midland, Texas,  actor (A Prairie Home Companion )
  • 1962 Eriq La Salle, Hartford, Connecticut, actor (Coming to America, ER)
  • 1965 Slash, London, England, English-born American guitarist (Guns N’ Roses)
  • 1967 Philip Seymour Hoffman, Fairport, New York,  actor (Scent of a Woman, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Cold Mountain, Charlie Wilson’s War,  Mission: Impossible III)
  • 1970 Charisma Carpenter, Las Vegas, Nevada,  actress (Buffy the Vampire Slayer  )
  • 1974 Kathryn Hahn, Westchester, Illinois,  actress (Crossing Jordan)
  • 1980 Michelle Williams, Rockford, Illinois, singer (Destiny’s Child)
  • 1982 Paul Wesley, New Brunswick, New Jersey, actor (Fallen )
  • 1983 Andrew Eiden, La Mirada, California,  actor (Movie Surfers, Outward Bound, Complete Savages)
  • 1985 Matthew Colin Bailey, Nashville, Tennessee, designer
  • 1996 Rachel G. Fox, Lawrenceville, Georgia,  actress (Desperate Housewives, The Ant Bully, Spork)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. – Luciano Pavarotti

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1829 In the United States, William Austin Burt patents the typographer, a precursor to the typewriter.
  • 1833 Cornerstones are laid for the construction of the Kirtland Temple in Kirtland, Ohio.
  • 1840 The Province of Canada is created by the Act of Union.
  • 1903 The Ford Motor Company sells its first car.
  • 1926 Fox Film buys the patents of the Movietone sound system for recording sound onto film.
  • 1927 The first station of the Indian Broadcasting Company goes on the air in Bombay.
  • 1940 The United States’ Under Secretary of State Sumner Welles issues a declaration on the U.S. non-recognition policy of the Soviet annexation and incorporation of three Baltic States: Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania.
  • 1942 The Holocaust: the Treblinka extermination camp is opened.
  • 1961 The Sandinista National Liberation Front is founded in Nicaragua.
  • 1962 Telstar relays the first publicly transmitted, live trans-Atlantic television program, featuring Walter Cronkite.
  • 1962 The International Agreement on the Neutrality of Laos is signed.
  • 1967 12th Street Riot: in Detroit, Michigan, one of the worst riots in United States history begins on 12th Street in the predominantly African American inner city. It will leave 43 killed, 342 injured and 1,400 buildings burned.
  • 1972 Landsat 1, the first Earth-resources satellite, is launched by the United States.
  • 1984 Vanessa Williams becomes the first Miss America to resign when she surrenders her crown after nude photos of her appeared in Penthouse magazine.
  • 1986 In London, Prince Andrew, Duke of York marries Sarah Ferguson at Westminster Abbey.
  • 1988 General Ne Win, effective ruler of Burma since 1962, resigns after pro-democracy protests.
  • 1992 A Vatican commission, led by Joseph Ratzinger, establishes that it is necessary to limit rights of homosexual people and non-married couples.
  • 1992 Abkhazia declares independence from Georgia.
  • 1995 Comet Hale-Bopp is discovered; it will become visible to the naked eye nearly a year later.
  • 2005 Three bombs explode in the Naama Bay area of Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt, killing 88 people.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Perhaps you’ve heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive.

Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don’t bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don’t bleed.

“Do you now agree that dead men don’t bleed?” the doctor asked.

“Yes, I do,” the patient replied.

“Very well, then,” the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient’s finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, “What does that tell you?”

“Oh my goodness!” the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger … “Dead men do bleed!!”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The town’s fire marshall was conducting a health and safety course at the senior center.

He asked Mrs. Frobisher, “In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?”

Mrs. Frobisher answered, “Really big ones.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: ** More Fascinating But Irrelevant Facts **

Bubble gum contains rubber.

Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.

The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.

Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured iced water over his head.

It’s against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.

Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.

Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the western Pacific.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.

Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.

Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Chick peeks out from under hen

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The Revolutionary War was over and General Washington called the troops together to address them saying: “Men, the country must be kept safe. Accordingly, I am ordering that the active duty regulars are to stand duty from Monday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday the National Guard and Reserves will worry about our new nations security.”

And so it was, and from that day to this, the National Guard and Reserves have been known as Weekend Worriers.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

“It was nice of your husband to buy you that fur coat.”

“He had to. I caught him kissing the maid.”

“How dreadful! Did you fire her?”

“No.” I still need a new dress and purse.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Darragh O’Malley was driving his lorry when he saw a bridge with a sign saying 10 foot max. headroom. He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not.

“A shure I’ll give it a go,” he thought only to find that his lorry got stuck underneath it.

Darragh sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette. A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which Darragh immediately opened.

“What do you think you are doing?” demanded the policeman in a sharp tone.

“Sure I’m having me tea break,” replied Darragh.

“And what do you work at?” enquired the policeman.

“Agh shure, I deliver bridges,” smiled Darragh.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: HOTDOGS

~The world’s biggest hot dog was 1,996 feet long, created by Sara Lee Corp. in honor of the 1996 Olympics.

~A 1,983 foot hot dog was made in May 1983 by Bill-Mar Foods of Zeeland, Wis. A 2,377-foot chicken dog was made in 1985 by Maple Lodge Farms in Norval, Canada.

~In 1978, David Berg of Chicago made a six-foot, 681-pound beef hot dog in a 100-pound poppy seed bun covered with two gallons of mustard.

~The most popular hot dog topping among adults is mustard. And for children, it is ketchup.

~Marlene Dietrich said that her favorite meal was hot dogs & champagne.

~Babe Ruth once ate 12 hot dogs & 8 bottles of soda between games of a double header. He was reportedly rushed to the hospital after the game with a severe case of indigestion.

~The average hot dog is consumed in 6.1 bites.

~Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport sells more than 2 million hot dogs a year.

~President Franklin Roosevelt served King George VI of England hot dogs & beer during a White House visit in 1939.

~Bruce Willis proposed to Demi Moore in fron of a hot dog stand. Can’t get more romantic than that!

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. – Albert Einstein

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill.  Our antagonist is our helper.” – Edmund Burke