Jokes and Trivia for June 11, 2012

It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth — and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up — that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

TODAY – JUNE 11th – MONDAY

163rd day of 2012 with 203 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Hug Holiday

*National German Chocolate Cake Day

*Kamehameha Day (Hawaii)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1864 Richard Strauss, German composer and conductor (Salome, Four Last Songs, An Alpine Symphony, Metamorphosen)
  • 1867 Charles Fabry, Marseille, France,  physicist (discovered the ozone layer)
  • 1910 Jacques-Yves Cousteau, French marine biologist and inventor (co-developed the Aqua-Lung)
  • 1913 Vince Lombardi, Brooklyn, New York, football coach (Green Bay Packers / 5 league championship s in 7 years, 2 Super Bowls)
  • 1915Nicholas Metropolis, Greek-American mathematician, physicist and computer scientist 
  • 1933 Gene Wilder, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, actor (The Producers, Young Frankenstein, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, Stir Crazy, The Woman in Red)
  • 1937 Johnny Brown, St. Petersburg, Florida,  comedian (Laugh-in )
  • 1945 Adrienne Barbeau, Sacramento, California, actress (Grease, Maude, The Fog, Swamp Thing, voice of Catwoman on Batman: The Animated Series)
  • 1950 Graham Russell, Melbourne, Australia,  guitarist and vocalist (Air Supply)
  • 1956 Joe Montana, New Eagle, Pennsylvania, football player (quarterback for San Francisco 49ers and Kansas City Chiefs;started in 4 Super Bowl games & won all of them)
  • 1959 Hugh Laurie, English actor and comedian (Fry and Laurie, House)
  • 1960 Mehmet Oz, Cleveland, Ohio,  television host (The Dr. Oz Show), cardiothoracic surgeon, author (YOU: The Owner’s Manual, YOU: On a Diet)
  • 1969 Matt McGrath, New York, New York, actor (The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy)
  • 1970 Chris Rice, Clinton, Maryland,  singer and songwriter (Christian contemporary, sound similar to James Taylor)
  • 1973 Dana Brunetti,  film producer
  • 1977 Ryan Dunn, Medina, Ohio, actor (Jackass 3.5)
  • 1985 Chris Trousdale, New Port Richey, Florida,  pop singer and dancer (Dream Street )
  • 1986 Shia LaBeouf, Los Angeles, California, actor (Even Stevens, Holes, Disturbia, Transformers movies, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull)

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Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. – Golda Meir

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1184 BC Troy is sacked and burned during the Trojan War, according to calculations by Eratosthenes.
  • 1770 Captain James Cook runs aground on the Great Barrier Reef.
  • 1775 First naval engagement during The American Revolutionary War, the Battle of Machias, results in the capture of a small British naval vessel.
  • 1776 Continental Congress appoints Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Roger Sherman, and Robert R. Livingston to the Committee of Five to draft a declaration of independence.
  • 1805 A fire consumes large portions of Detroit in the Michigan Territory.
  • 1825 The first cornerstone is laid for Fort Hamilton in New York City.
  • 1837 The Broad Street Riot occurs in Boston, fueled by ethnic tensions between Yankees and Irish.
  • 1892 The Limelight Department, one of the world’s first film studios, is officially established in Melbourne, Australia.
  • 1898 U.S. war ships set sail for Cuba during the Spanish-American War.
  • 1919 Sir Barton wins the Belmont Stakes, becoming the first horse to win the Triple Crown.
  • 1920 During the U.S. Republican National Convention in Chicago, U.S. Republican Party leaders gathered in a room at the Blackstone Hotel to come to a consensus on their candidate for the U.S. presidential election, leading the Associated Press to first coin the political phrase “smoke-filled room”.
  • 1935 Inventor Edwin Armstrong gives the first public demonstration of FM broadcasting in the United States at Alpine, New Jersey.
  • 1936 The International Surrealist Exhibition opens in London, England.
  • 1944 USS Missouri (BB-63) the last battleship built by the United States Navy and future site of the signing of the Japanese Instrument of Surrender, is commissioned.
  • 1962 Frank Morris, John Anglin and Clarence Anglin allegedly become the only prisoners to escape from the prison on Alcatraz Island.
  • 1963 American Civil Rights Movement: Alabama Governor George Wallace stands at the door of Foster Auditorium at the University of Alabama in an attempt to block two black students, Vivian Malone and James Hood, from attending that school. Later in the day, accompanied by federalized National Guard troops, they are able to register.
  • 1970 Anna Mae Hays and Elizabeth P. Hoisington become the first women to officially receive their ranks as U.S. Army Generals.
  • 1981 A Richter Scale 6.9 magnitude earthquake at Golbaf, Iran, kills at least 2,000.
  • 1982 The Sentosa Musical Fountain was officially opened as part of the second phase of construction on the island of Sentosa, Singapore.
  • 1998 Compaq Computer pays $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corporation in the largest high-tech acquisition.
  • 2001 Timothy McVeigh is executed for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.
  • 2002 Antonio Meucci is acknowledged as the first inventor of the telephone by the United States Congress.

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I recently purchased a new PC from one of the major computer manufacturers. I placed my order via the web but asked for them to call me for my credit card information.

So, after a couple days of phone tag, I got in touch with the saleswoman handling my account. I was thinking I’d just give her my credit card number and be on my way.

Almost.

Saleswoman: “Do you realize that the modem you’ve chosen doesn’t have sound support?”

Customer: “What exactly does a ‘modem with no sound support’ mean?”

Saleswoman: “It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you won’t be able to hear it.”

Customer: “What does the modem have to do with that?”

Saleswoman: “Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?”

Saleswoman: “Yes.”

Customer: “How does it accomplish this feat?”

Saleswoman: “I’m not technical enough to answer that. Please hold.”

I stayed on hold for five minutes and hung up.

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ONE-LINERS: Sometimes I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:

~ It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb or take my nose off my face.

~ Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.

~ Nobody was prettier than Mom.

~ Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

~ It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the “big people” rides at the amusement park.

~ Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

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pic of the day: Clematis

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. ”I think it’s raining”, he said to his wife.

”No, that felt more like snow to me”, she replied.

”No, I’m sure it was just rain”, he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing when they saw a communist party official walking toward them.

”Let’s not fight about it”, the man said, ”Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing”.

As the official approached, the man said, ”Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?”

”It’s raining, of course”, he replied, and walked on.

But the woman insisted: ”I know that felt like snow!”

To which the man quietly replied: ”Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

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A woman from Chelm went to the market one day to buy herring and a loaf of bread. “How much is it?” she asked the storekeeper.

“14 cents,” answered the storekeeper to the lady.

“14 cents! For what?” asked the lady.

The storekeeper explained: The herring costs 7 cents, and the loaf of bread costs 7 cents also. So together it comes to 14 cents.”

“I know different. To the best of my recollection, 7 and 7 is 11.”

“What are your saying?”

“As far as I know, 7 and 7 is 11…I had already had 4 children when my first husband died. When I married a second time, my second husband also had 4 children from his first wife. After getting married, we had 3 children together. So each of us had 7 children, and together we had 11!

Obviously, 7 and 7 is 11.”

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The Most Important Discoveries

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Give HUGS all the time!

~Hugging is 100% wholesome. No calories, no caffeine, no nicotine.

~Hugging is healthy. It assists the body’s immune system, it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it invigorates, it rejuvenates, and it has no unpleasant side-effects.

~Hugging is no less than a miracle drug.

~ What Sort of People Like Hugging? Nice people. People who like to share things. People who make themselves and the world they live in a little happier by hugging.

~Every human being needs four hugs per day merely to survive.

~Eight hugs per day to maintain oneself at a strong emotional level.

~Twelve hugs per day to grow and become a better person.

~For those who aren’t always comfortable with the traditional hug, you should at least try one of the other following forms of Hugs:

A kind word.

A touch.

A loving smile.

A “Thank you!”

A “Forgive me.”

A “Can I help you?”

A “I’m Sorry.”

~And anything else you can do to make a person feel good about him or herself.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Words are just words, and without heart they have no meaning. – Chinese proverb

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

One must work and dare if one really wants to live. – Vincent van Gogh