Humor for October 12th

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. – Charles Spurgeon


285th day of the year (286th in leap years) with 80 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Cookbook Launch Day
~ Moment of Frustration Day
~ National Gumbo Day
~ Old Farmer’s Day
~ National Breast Cancer Awareness Month


  • 904 Lester Dent, La Plata, Missouri, author (main writer for stories about the superhuman scientist and adventurer, Doc Savage)
  • 1921 Art Clokey, Detroit, Michigan, American animator (Gumby)
  • 1932 Ned Jarrett, Newton, North Carolina, race car driver (1961 & 65 National Grand Champion, one of NASCAR’s 50 Greatest Drivers)
  • 1935 Luciano Pavarotti, Italian operatic tenor (crossed over into popular music as well)
  • 1962 Carlos Bernard, Evanston, Illinois, actor (24, Scoundrels, CSI Miami, Dallas, The Inspectors)
  • 1965 Scott O’Grady, New York City, New York, former USAF fighter pilot (shot down over Bosnia; film Behind Enemy Lines based on his experience)
  • 1970 Kirk Cameron, Panorama City, Los Angeles, California, actor (Growing Pains, Kirk, The Way of the Master, Left Behind, Fireproof, Extraordinary)
  • 1981 Tom Guiry, Trenton, New Jersey, actor (The Sandlot, Tigerland, Black Hawk Down, Mystic River, The Black Donnellys)
  • 1992 Josh Hutcherson, Union, Kentucky, actor (Bridge to Terabithia, Journey to the Center of the Earth, The Hunger Games, Future Man)
  • 2001 Raymond Ochoa, San Diego, California, actor (Drake and Josh, A Christmas Carol, Mars Needs Moms, Monsters University, The Good Dinosaur)

Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. – Henry Ford


  • 1692 The Salem witch trials are ended by a letter from Massachusetts Governor Sir William Phips.
  • 1792 First celebration of Columbus Day in the USA in New York.
  • 1892 The Pledge of Allegiance is first recited by students in many US public schools, as part of a celebration marking the 400th anniversary of Columbus’s voyage.
  • 1901 President Theodore Roosevelt officially renames the “Executive Mansion” to the White House.
  • 1928 An iron lung respirator is used for the first time at Children’s Hospital in Boston.
  • 1933 The United States Army Disciplinary Barracks on Alcatraz Island is acquired by the United States Department of Justice.
  • 1962 Infamous Columbus Day Storm strikes the U.S. Pacific Northwest with record wind velocities; 46 dead and at least U.S. $230 million in damages.
  • 1979 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is published, the first of five books in this comedy science fiction series by Douglas Adams.
  • 1994 NASA loses radio contact with the Magellan spacecraft as the probe descends into the thick atmosphere of Venus (the spacecraft presumably burned up in the atmosphere either October 13 or October 14).
  • 1999 The Day of Six Billion: The proclaimed 6 billionth living human in the world is born.


GOLDEN OLDIE… While eating at an outdoor cafe in the historic district, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece. After finishing his meal, we went up to the owner and offered him two dollars for the cat.

“It’s not for sale,” said the owner.

“Now, now” said the collector, “that cat is just ugly and no one would want it, but I’m eccentric. I like to help out underprivileged animals. I’ll raise my offer to five dollars.”

“It’s a deal,” said the proprietor with a smile, and pocketed the five on the spot.

“For that amount I’m sure you won’t mind throwing in the saucer,” said the connoisseur. “The little kitten seems so content drinking from it.”

“No way,” said the owner. “That’s my lucky saucer. I’ve already sold 26 cats so far this week drinking from it!”


A man went to the cinema. As he sat down to watch the film and his eyes got accustomed to the dark, he noticed a dog sitting on the seat beside him. He was somewhat bemused but decided to try and ignore the dog.

As the film progressed he noticed that the dog was reacting appropriately to the scenes. For laughter the dog wagged his tail and barked, for sadness he dropped his ears and whimpered, for violence he growled and bared his teeth. At the end of the film the audience applauded and the dog got up on all paws and barked and wagged his tail.

The man turned to another who appeared to be the dog’s owner and said, “Wow, that was a great film, and what an intelligent dog you have there. Frankly, I’m amazed.”

“So am I,” replied the owner. “He thought the book was terrible.”


ONE-LINERS: Places I’d Rather Not Live

– Paradox, New York
– Crapo, Maryland
– Boogertown, North Carolina
– Spasticville, Kansas
– Hellhole, Idaho
– Purgatory, Maine
– Girdletree, Maryland
– Rabbithash, Kentucky


A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, “Great…he’s 4 and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.”

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, “Well son, do you have any questions?”

“Just one.” gasped the still wide-eyed lad. “How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?”


pic of the day: Alcatraz Island

picture of Alcatraz Island

~ Blessed are the drama students, for they shall be a class act.
~ Blessed are the gymnasts, for they shall always do good turns.
~ Blessed are the candy makers, for they shall make a mint
~ Blessed are the orchard growers, for their work shall not be fruitless.
~ Blessed are the fishermen, for they shall have net income.
~ Blessed are those who play tennis, for love means nothing to

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner.

One said, “Since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything–noise, spray, cats–nothing seems to scare them away.”

Another said, “Me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I’ve even had the place fumigated, and they won’t go away.”

The third said, “I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. Haven’t seen one back since.”


At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, as a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. “No, no. Those jeans look terrible on you. I’ll go get you another pair.”
As I walked away, I heard him mumble, “I was trying on the shirt.”

Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad cow disease is really scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.”
The other cow replied, “I’m not worried, it doesn’t affect us ducks.”

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.”
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.


TODAY IN TRIVIA: How much is a million? $1,000,000 in $1 bills would weigh approximately one ton. Placed in a pile it would be 360 feet (110 m) high as tall as 60 average adults standing on top of each other.

~ How much do U.S. consumers consume? The average American consumes 1,500 pounds of food each year. 1,000 gallons of water are required to grow and process each pound of that food. This means that in the U.S., in a single year, an average of 1.5 million gallons of water is invested in the food eaten by just one person. This 200,000-cubic-feet-plus of water-per-person would be enough to cover a football field four feet deep.

~ Which soda was first in aluminum cans? The first 12-ounce aluminum soda can was introduced in 1964 by Royal Crown Cola. Coke didn’t start using aluminum until 3 years later, and that same year Pepsi came out with a seamless can.

QUIP OF THE DAY: Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.


Thought for the day. . . Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won’t have to hunt for happiness. – William E. Gladstone

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