Jokes and Trivia for May 8, 2013

Don’t wait for people to be friendly, show them how. – Author Unknown

TODAY – MAY 8th – WEDNESDAY

128th day of 2013 with 237 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Iris  Day

*No Socks Day

*V-E Day (Victory in Europe)

*World Red Cross Day / World Red Crescent Day

*National Coconut Cream Pie Day

*Have A Coke Day

*National Receptionist Day the second Wednesday in May

*School Nurses Day

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1828 Jean Henri Dunant, Swiss businessman, Founder of the Red Cross (Nobel)
  • 1859 Johan Jensen, Nakskov, Denmark, mathematician (Jensen’s inequality)
  • 1884 Harry S. Truman, Lamar, Missouri, politician, 34th Vice President of the United States, and 33rd President of the United States
  • 1899 Arthur Q. Bryan, Brooklyn, New York, voice actor (Elmer Fudd)
  • 1910 Andrew E. Svenson, Belleville, New Jersey, children’s book author and publisher (Hardy Boys, Bobbsey Twins, Tom Swift, The Happy Hollisters)
  • 1913 Bob Clampett, San Diego, California, animator (Looney Tunes)
  • 1919 Lex Barker, Rye, New York, actor (Tarzan of the Apes movies)
  • 1926 David Attenborough, English naturalist (Life series, Wildlife on One, Natural World, The Blue Planet, Planet Earth, Frozen Planet)
  • 1926 Don Rickles, Queens, New York, comedian (The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, Zookeeper, Toy Story )
  • 1937 Thomas Pynchon, Glen Cove, New York, novelist (Gravity’s Rainbow, Mason & Dixon)
  • 1940 Peter Benchley, American author (Jaws, The Deep, The Island)
  • 1940 Ricky Nelson, Teaneck, New Jersey, actor (The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, Here Come the Nelsons, Rio Bravo), singer (Poor Little Fool)
  • 1940 Emilio Delgado, Calexico, California, actor (Luis on Sesame Street, Lou Grant)
  • 1940 Toni Tennille, Montgomery, Alabama, singer (Captain & Tennille)
  • 1947 H. Robert Horvitz, Chicago, biologist, Nobel laureate, best known for his research on the nematode worm Caenorhabditis elegans
  • 1951 Philip Bailey, Denver, Colorado, singer (Earth, Wind & Fire)
  • 1951 Chris Frantz, Fort Campbell, Kentucky, musician (Talking Heads)
  • 1953 Alex Van Halen, Dutch-born American drummer (Van Halen)
  • 1953 Billy Burnette, Memphis, Tennessee, singer and guitarist (Fleetwood Mac)
  • 1954 David Keith, Knoxville, Tennessee, actor (An Officer and a Gentleman, The Great Santini, U-571, Firestarter, Running Wild )
  • 1963 Robin Jarvis, British writer (Dancing Jax, Tales from the Wyrd Museum, The Deptford Mice)
  • 1964 Bobby Labonte, Corpus Christi, Texas, race car driver (NASCAR Sprint Cup series; only driver to win both Winston Cup & Busch Series championship)
  • 1964 Melissa Gilbert, Los Angeles, California, actress (Little House on the Prairie, voice of Batgirl in Batman: The Animated Series, 2012 Dancing with the Stars)
  • 1975 Enrique Iglesias, Madrid, Spain, singer
  • 1976 Ian Watkins, Wales,  singer and actor (Steps)
  • 1978 Matthew Davis, Salt Lake City, Utah, actor (Legally Blonde, Damages  )

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The capacity for hope is the most significant fact of life. It provides human beings with a sense of destination and the energy to get started. – Norman Cousins

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1541 Hernando de Soto reaches the Mississippi River and names it Río de Espíritu Santo.
  • 1861 During the American Civil War, Richmond, Virginia is named the capital of the Confederate States of America.
  • 1877 First Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show opens at Gilmore’s Gardens in New York City.
  • 1886 Pharmacist John Styth Pemberton first sells a carbonated beverage named “Coca-Cola” as a patent medicine.
  • 1912 Paramount Pictures is founded.
  • 1919 A moment of silence to commemorate The Armistice of World War I first suggested by Edward George Honey, which later results in the creation of Remembrance Day. In the U.S. it was called Armistice Day and is now Veterans Day.
  • 1927 Attempting to make the first non-stop transatlantic flight from Paris to New York, French war heroes Charles Nungesser and Francois Coli disappeared after taking off aboard The White Bird biplane.
  • 1945 World War II: V-E Day, combat ends in Europe. German forces agree in Rheims, France, to an unconditional surrender.
  • 1972 Four Black September terrorists hijack Sabena Flight 571. Israeli Sayeret Matkal commandos recapture the plane the following day.
  • 1976 The rollercoaster Revolution, the first steel coaster with a vertical loop, opens at Six Flags Magic Mountain.
  • 1978 First ascent of Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen, by Reinhold Messner and Peter Habeler.
  • 1980 The eradication of smallpox is endorsed by the World Health Organization.
  • 1984 Corporal Denis Lortie enters the Quebec National Assembly and opens fire, killing three and wounding 13. René Jalbert, sergeant-at-arms of the assembly, succeeds in calming him, for which he will later receive the Cross of Valour.
  • 1984 Thames Barrier officially opened.
  • 1987 The Loughgall Ambush: The SAS kills eight Provisional Irish Republican Army volunteers and a civilian during an ambush in Loughgall, Northern Ireland.
  • 1988 A fire at Illinois Bell’s Hinsdale Central Office triggers an extended 1AESS network outage once considered the ‘worst telecommunications disaster in US telephone industry history’ and still the worst to occur on Mother’s Day.
  • 1997 A China Southern Airlines Boeing 737 crashes on approach into Bao’an International Airport, killing 35 people.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

“We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

I had boarded a train and needed to know if I had to switch trains to get to my destination. When the conductor took my ticket I asked, “Do I need to change?”

“Nonsense!” he replied immediately. “Your bag matches your shoes and your earrings are the same color as your outfit. You’re fine the way you are!”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: You know you’re from Canada when ………….

* You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

* Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

* You find -40C a little chilly.

* The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

* Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

* You choose a Halloween costume which fits over a snowsuit.

* You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

* The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 3 pages for hockey.

* You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.

* You perk up when you hear theme from ‘Hockey Night in Canada’.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Bearded Iris

Purple Bearded Iris

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

One day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice, and bonking them on the head.

A good fairy appeared. “Little Rabbit FooFoo, what you’re doing is evil! Stop it, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!” she said.

Little Rabbit FooFoo just laughed and laughed.

The next day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was again hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice, and bonking them on the head.

Again, the good fairy appeared. “Little Rabbit FooFoo, I told you that’s evil! Stop it, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!” she said.

Again, Little Rabbit FooFoo just laughed and laughed.

The next day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was still hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice, and bonking them on the head.

Mother Nature appeared, and, abracadabra! Little Rabbit FooFoo was turned into an ugly goon, never to terrorize mice again.

The moral?

Hare today, goon tomorrow…

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Before leaving from our home in Maine for the drive to Florida, we warned the children, “It’s going to be a long trip. No one is allowed to ask how much farther it is or when we’re going to get there.”

The journey was remarkably question-free until sometime during the third day, when the youngest sighed, “Will I still be five when we get there?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

THE CHURCH CHAIN OF COMMAND

The Senior Pastor
He is faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, can walk on water and talks to God.

The Associate Pastor
He is almost as fast as a speeding bullet, is stronger than a switch engine, able to leap short buildings in a single bound, can walk on water, though his ankles get wet and sometimes talks to God.

The Music Minister
He is faster than a speeding BB, is stronger than a Lionel (model) train, able to leap short buildings with a long running start, can walk on water, as long as it is frozen and talks to God but often wonders if He hears.

The Youth Pastor
He is slower than a snail, trips over railroad tracks, walks into buildings, almost drowns in the bathtub and mumbles to himself.

The Church Secretary
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth, chews them up and uses them for staples, could stare a locomotive off its tracks, if a building gets in her way, she just knocks it off its foundation, parts the water to walk through on dry ground and when God calls she asks who is calling and puts him on hold.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: About the lovely Iris. . .

~Iris is a genus of 260–300 species of flowering plants. 

~There are six main subgenus: Iris, Limniris, Xiphium, Nepalensis, Scorpiris, and Hermodactyloides.

~Rhizome irises and Bulbous irises are the two major groups of irises. Within those groups are countless varieties, species, hybrids, and cultivars. They have long, erect flowering stems which may be solid or hollow, simple or branched, and flattened or have a circular cross-section. 

~Iris is from the Greek word for a rainbow, because of the large number of flower colors found among the many types of iris flowers.

~Iris is both the common name and the scientific name for these flowers. Another common name for some species is ‘flags’, while the plants of the subgenus Scorpiris are widely known as ‘junos’, particularly in horticulture.  

~ The iris is the birth flower for people born in the month of February.

~Purple iris is symbolic of wisdom and compliments, yellow iris symbolizes passion, blue iris symbolizes hope and faith while white iris symbolizes purity. Irises may also express admiration and courage.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. – Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

We make provisions for this life as if it were never to have an end, and for the other life as though it were never to have a beginning. – Joseph Addison