January 24, 2014

“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.” – Steve Maraboli

TODAY – JANUARY 24th – FRIDAY

24th day of 2014 with 341 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Beer Can Appreciation Day

*Compliment Day

*National Peanut Butter Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1709 Dom Bédos de Celles, French Benedictine monk best known for being a master pipe organ builder
  • 1754 Andrew Ellicott, Bucks county, Pennsylvania, surveyor (helped map territories west of the Appalachians, surveyed District of Columbia, taught Meriwether Lewis surveying)
  • 1862 Edith Wharton, New York City, NY, author (The House of Mirth, The Reef, The Age of Innocence, The Buccaneers, In Morocco, A Backward Glance)
  • 1888 Ernst Heinrich Heinkel, German inventor & aircraft designer (1st rocket-powered aircraft)
  • 1888 Vicki Baum, Austrian author (Grand Hotel, Love and Death in Bali, The Big Break)
  • 1900 Theodosius Dobzhansky, Ukrainian-born American geneticist and biologist (the unifying modern evolutionary synthesis)
  • 1917 Ernest Borgnine, Hamden, Connecticut, actor (Ice Station Zebra, McHale’s Navy)
  • 1920 Jerry Maren, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Munchkin in The Wizard of Oz )
  • 1939 Ray Stevens, Clarkdale, Georgia, musician (best known for his novelty songs)
  • 1941 Neil Diamond, Brooklyn, New York, singer
  • 1943 Sharon Tate, Dallas, Texas, actress (Eye of the Devil, Valley of the Dolls); murdered 1969 by Manson Family
  • 1946 Michael Ontkean, Canadian actor (The Rookies, Slap Shot, Twin Peaks)
  • 1949 John Belushi, Chicago, Illinois, comedian/actor (SNL, Blues Brothers)
  • 1967 Phil LaMarr, Los Angeles, California, comedian, and voice actor (Justice League, Futurama, Samurai Jack, Static Shock, Metal Gear)
  • 1968 Mary Lou Retton, Fairmont, West Virginia, gymnast (Olympics-gold/2 silver/2 bronze-84)
  • 1974 Ed Helms, Atlanta, Georgia, actor (The Daily Show, The Office)
  • 1978 Kristen Schaal, Longmont, Colorado, actress and author (Flight of the Conchords, The Daily Show, Gravity Falls)
  • 1986 Mischa Barton, English-American actress (Lawn Dogs, The Sixth Sense, The O.C.)

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“It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.” – Babe Ruth

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1826 Mississippi College is founded in Clinton, becoming the first college in the state of Mississippi.
  • 1848 James W. Marshall finds gold at Sutter’s Mill near Sacramento, marking the beginning of California Gold Rush.
  • 1908 The first Boy Scout troop is organized in England by Robert Baden-Powell.
  • 1916 In Brushaber v. Union Pacific Railroad, the Supreme Court of the United States declares the federal income tax constitutional.
  • 1924 Russian city of St Petersburg renamed Leningrad.
  • 1933 20th Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified, changing the beginning and end of terms for all elected federal offices.
  • 1935 The first cans of beer are sold in the US (Krueger’s Finest Beer and Krueger’s Cream Ale).
  • 1946 United Nations General Assembly passes its first resolution to establish the United Nations Atomic Energy Commission.
  • 1961 A bomber carrying two H-bombs breaks up in mid-air over North Carolina. The uranium core of one weapon remains lost.
  • 1972 Japanese Sgt. Shoichi Yokoi is found hiding in a Guam jungle, where he had been since the end of World War II.
  • 1978 Soviet satellite Cosmos 954, with a nuclear reactor onboard, burns up in Earth’s atmosphere, scattering radioactive debris over Canada’s Northwest Territories. Only 1% is recovered.
  • 1984 The first Apple Macintosh goes on sale.
  • 1986 Voyager 2 passes within 81,500 km (50,680 miles) of Uranus.
  • 1990 Japan launches Hiten, the country’s first lunar probe, the first robotic lunar probe since the Soviet Union’s Luna 24 in 1976, and the first lunar probe launched by a country other than Soviet Union or the United States.
  • 2003 The United States Department of Homeland Security officially begins operation.

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One Friday Martin demanded of his boss, “I must have a pay rise. You should realize there are three other companies after me.”

“Really?” replied Martin’s boss, “And who might these companies be?”

“Southern Electricity, Southern Gas and the cable company,” answered Martin.

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A husband asks his wife, “If I should die first would you marry again?”

“I would be heart-broken, of course,” was her reply, “but I think eventually I would remarry.”

“But you wouldn’t bring him here to our house?”

“Why not? I’ve worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it.”

“But you wouldn’t sleep in our bed?”

“Well, I wouldn’t run out and buy a new bed right away.”

“Surely, you wouldn’t let him use my golf clubs?”

“Of course not! He’s lefthanded!”

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ONE-LINERS: You know you’re from Canada when . . .

* You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

* Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

* You find -40C a little chilly.

* The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

* Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

* You choose a Halloween costume which fits over a snowsuit.

* You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

* The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 3 pages for hockey.

* You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.

* You perk up when you hear theme from ‘Hockey Night in Canada’.
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An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, “Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?”

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go, too.

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pic of the day: Bad Hair Day?

picture of rooster
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
God is talking to an angel about creating the world. “I just made a 24-hour period,” God explains. “It will be half-light and half-dark, and will keep repeating itself until the end of time.”

“Wow!” says the angel. “What are you going to do next?”

“Well,” God answers, “I think I’ll call it a day.”
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A husband and wife went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on – neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.

The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days, I play golf.”

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My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24x7x365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for a check-up, and during the year whenever any medical needs arise. For all this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses or responsibilities whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me: My cat is a Congressman!!

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A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred… “I’ll die for you!”

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, “How many times?”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Peanut Butter!
~ Americans eat about 700 million pounds of peanut butter each year!

~Women and children prefer creamy, while most men opt for chunky.

~In 1933, a California packer was able to homogenize the peanuts into a stable butter called “Skippy Churned Peanut Butter”.

~People who become hysterical when peanut butter sticks to the roof of their mouth have ‘arachibutyrophobia’. Now you know!

~It takes about 550 peanuts to make a 12 ounce jar of creamy peanut butter.

~Creamy peanut butter is preferred on the East Coast, Chunky on the West Coast.

~The Jif plant in Lexington, Kentucky is reportedly the largest peanut butter factory in the world.

~Two presidents of the USA, Thomas Jefferson and Jimmy Carter, were peanut farmers.

~The reason peanut a butter stick to your mouth is that its high protein content absorbs moisture.

~Although Dr. George Washington Carver is generally believed to be the father of peanut butter, he didn’t invent it! It was developed in 1890 by a St. Louis doctor for his patients with bad teeth.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. – Will Rogers

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature — the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.” – Rachel Carson, Silent Spring

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