Jokes and Trivia for June 19, 2012

Enthusiasm gives life to what is invisible; and interest to what has no immediate action on our comfort in this world. – Madame de Stael

TODAY – JUNE 19th- TUESDAY

171st day of 2012 with 195 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*World Sauntering Day

*Juneteenth

*World Sickle Cell Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1623 Blaise Pascal, Clermont-Ferrand, France,  mathematician and philosopher (study of fluids, clarified the concepts of pressure and vacuum by generalizing the work of Evangelista Torricelli)
  • 1795 James Braid, Scotland, physician and surgeon (pioneer of hypnotism and hypnotherapy)
  • 1834 Charles Spurgeon, preacher and author (called “Prince of Preachers”, special collection of Spurgeon’s handwritten sermon notes from 1879–1891 located at Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama)
  • 1877 Charles Coburn, Macon, Georgia, actor (The More the Merrier, The Devil and Miss Jones, The Green Years, Kings Row, Heaven Can Wait, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes)
  • 1897 Cyril Norman Hinshelwood, London,  chemist (Nobel /  mechanism of chemical reactions)
  • 1897 Moe Howard, Brooklyn, New York, actor (leader of The Three Stooges)
  • 1902 Guy Lombardo, Ontario, Canada, bandleader and violinist (The Royal Canadians)
  • 1903 Lou Gehrig, baseball first basemen for the New York Yankees (nicknamed ‘The Iron Horse’, sticken with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis at age 36 – now commonly called Lou Gehrig’s disease)
  • 1906 Sir Ernst Boris Chain, Berlin, German-born biochemist (Nobel / work on penicillin)
  • 1910 Paul Flory, Sterling, Illinois,  chemist (Nobel / work in the field of polymers, or macromolecules)
  • 1914 Lester Flatt, Overton County, Tennessee, bluegrass musician (Flatt and Scruggs duo)
  • 1915 Pat Buttram, Addson, Alabama, actor (sidekick of Gene Autrey, Mr. Haney on Green Acres)
  • 1922 Aage Bohr, Copenhagen, Danish physicist (Nobel / Geometry of atomic nuclei )
  • 1930 Gena Rowlands, Madison, Wisconsin, actress (A Woman Under the Influence, Gloria, An Early Frost, The Betty Ford Story, Hope Floats, The Notebook, The Skeleton Key)
  • 1948 Phylicia Rashad, Houston, Texas, actress (Clair Huxtable on The Cosby Show, A Raisin in the Sun)
  • 1954 Kathleen Turner, Springfield, Missouri, actress (Body Heat, Peggy Sue Got Married, Romancing the Stone, Serial Mom, Prizzi’s Honor, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, V.I. Warshawski)
  • 1956 Doug Stone, Newnan, Georgia,  singer (“I’d Be Better Off (In a Pine Box))
  • 1962 Paula Abdul, San Fernando, California, singer, actress (American Idol, Live to Dance, The X Factor)
  • 1972 Robin Tunney, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Prison Break, The Mentalist)
  • 1976 Ryan Hurst, Santa Monica, California,  actor (Remember the Titans)
  • 1978 Zoe Saldana, Passaic, New Jersey, actress (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)
  • 1984 Paul Dano, New York, NY, actor (Too Young to Be a DadLittle Miss Sunshine, There Will Be Blood , and Gigantic)

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The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. – Anthony Robbins

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1306 The Earl of Pembroke’s army defeats Bruce’s Scottish army at the Battle of Methven.
  • 1586 English colonists leave Roanoke Island, after failing to establish England’s first permanent settlement in North America.
  • 1770 Emanuel Swedenborg reports the completion of the Second Coming of Christ in his work True Christian Religion.
  • 1846 First officially recorded, organized baseball match is played under Alexander Cartwright’s rules on Hoboken, New Jersey’s Elysian Fields with the New York Base Ball Club defeating the Knickerbockers 23-1. Cartwright umpired.
  • 1850 Princess Louise of the Netherlands marries Crown Prince Karl of Sweden-Norway.
  • 1862 The U.S. Congress prohibits slavery in United States territories, nullifying Dred Scott v. Sandford.
  • 1865 Over two years after the Emancipation Proclamation, slaves in Galveston, Texas, finally informed of their freedom. The anniversary is still officially celebrated in Texas and 13 other contiguous states as Juneteenth.
  •  1910 The first Father’s Day is celebrated in Spokane, Washington.
  • 1913 Natives’ Land Act in South Africa implemented.
  • 1953 Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are executed at Sing Sing, in New York.
  • 1978 Garfield comic strip makes it debut, ends up, holder of the Guinness World Record for the world’s most widely syndicated comic strip.
  • 1990 The current international law defending indigenous peoples, Indigenous and Tribal Peoples Convention, 1989, is ratified for the first time by Norway.
  • 1991 The Soviet occupation of Hungary ends.
  • 1999 Wedding of Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex and Sophie Rhys-Jones.

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An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward and continued, “Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the money.”
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It’s so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
the Methodists are using wet-wipes,
the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks,
and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.
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ONE-LINERS:Knowing Your Terms

TRAFFIC LIGHT — apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.

DIVORCE — postgraduate in School of Love.

PIONEER — early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.

PEOPLE — some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what’s happened.

SWIMMING POOL — a mob of people with water in it.

SELF-CONTROL — the ability to eat only one peanut.

SALESMAN — man with ability to convince wife she’d look fat in mink.

CANNIBAL — person who likes to see other people stewed.

EGOCENTRIC — a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
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pic of the day:

2 horses grazing

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Old roofers never die, they just wipe the slate clean.

Old mechanics never die, they just lose their bearings.

Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

Old college presidents never die, they just lose their faculties.

Old tree surgeons never die, they just branch out.

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Beth Vorhees of public TV fame said her daughter, Diana, a third-grader, was to give a demonstration speech at school. She planned to demonstrate how to make “Flies on a Log” which consists of peanut butter spread on a stalk of celery with raisins on it.

The morning of her speech, Diana took out everything she needed and put it on the kitchen counter, ready to take it to school. Unfortunately, when the girl and her mother left for school, they forgot to take the items.

Diana’s mother dropped her off and went home to get the stuff.

The celery was gone. The raisins were gone. The peanut butter had been put away.

“Oh,” said Diana’s father. “I had that stuff for breakfast.”

Diana’s faithful mother rushed to gather up more ingredients and rush them to school with an apology to the teacher and an explanation of what happened.

“Gee,” said Diana’s teacher, “that’s a first — ‘My dad ate my homework.'”

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Stupid Lawyer Questions
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: To answer your question about Father’s Day!

~ ORIGIN: It was while listening to a Mother’s Day sermon in 1909 that the idea of Father’s Day suddenly struck Spokane, Washington resident Sonora Dodd. She wanted to honor her own father, William Smart, who was well-deserving of a special day as a widowed farmer left alone to raise his six kids single-handedly.

~T he ideas so warmly embraced and by June 19, 1910 the first Father’s Day celebration was proclaimed in Spokane because it was the month of Dodd’s father’s birth.

~The first presidential proclamation honoring fathers was issued in 1966 when President Lyndon Johnson designated the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day.

~Father’s Day in America has been officially celebrated annually since 1972 when President Richard Nixon signed the public law that made it permanent.

~Due to her efforts, Sonora Dodd is known today as “the mother of Father’s Day”.

~Roses are the official flower for Father’s Day. A red rose is worn in the lapel if your father is living, a white rose if he is deceased.

~Father’s Day is celebrated most places on the third Sunday in June, but not everywhere. In Spain and Portugal, for instance, fathers are honored on St. Joseph’s Day, March 19. In Australia, it’s the first Sunday in September.

~Nearly 95 million Father’s Day cards were given last year in the United States, making Father’s Day the fourth-largest card-sending occasion.

While not everyone in America is a fan of Father’s Day, nearly 75 percent of Americans plan to celebrate or acknowledge Father’s Day.

~Neckties are an old standby and lead the list of Father’s Day gifts. A good place to buy dad a tie or a shirt might be one of 8,111 men’s clothing stores around the country.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  – Eleanor Roosevelt

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Your life feels different on you, once you greet death and understand your heart’s position. You wear your life like a garment from the mission bundle sale ever after — lightly because you realize you never paid nothing for it, cherishing because you know you won’t ever come by such a bargain again. – Louise Erdrich