Jokes and Trivia for April 29, 2013

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. – Norman Vincent Peale

FOR TODAY – APRIL 29th – MONDAY

119th day of 2013 with 246 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

* International Dance Day

* National Shrimp Scampi Day

* Confederate Memorial Day in Mississippi

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

  • 1863 William Randolph Hearst, Danish American, publisher (San Francisco Examiner, Seattle P-I)
  • 1893 Harold C. Urey, Walkerton, Indiana, physicist (discovered Deuterium, Nobel 1934)
  • 1899 Duke Ellington, Washington, D.C., bandleader (Take the A Train, It Don’t Mean a Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing))
  • 1908 Jack Williamson, Bisbee, Arizona, sci-fi author (Dean of Science-Fiction; Firechild, Golden Blood)
  • 1933 Rod [Marvin] McKuen, Oakland CA, singer/composer (Alone, Beatsville)
  • 1935 Otis Rush, Philadelphia, Mississippi, blues musician (Gambler’s Blues, All Your Love (I Miss Loving), Double Trouble)
  • 1947 Tommy James, Dayton, Ohio, singer / musician (Tommy James and the Shondells / Sweet Cherry Wine)
  • 1951 Dale Earnhardt, Kannapolis NC, NASCAR driver/”The Intimidator”
  • 1954 Jerry Seinfeld, New York City, NY, comedian/actor (Seinfeld)
  • 1955 Kate Mulgrew, Dubuque, Iowa, actress (Captain Kathryn Janeway, Star Trek Voyager; Ryan’s Hope; Mrs. Columbo; Remo Williams)
  • 1955 Leslie Jordan, Chattanooga, Tennessee, actor (Sordid Lives, Bodies of Evidence, Reasonable Doubts, Hearts Afire, Will & Grace)
  • 1958 Eve Plumb, Burbank, California, actress (Jan Brady on The Brady Bunch; The Bridge Fell Down, Yesterday Today, Manfast)
  • 1958 Michelle Pfeiffer, Santa Ana CA, actress (Scarface, What Lies Beneath, Up Close & Personal, Ladyhawke, Married to the Mob, Grease 2)
  • 1960 Robert J. Sawyer, Canadian writer (Far-Seer, The Terminal Experiment, End of Era, Starplex, Flashforward, Wake, Triggers, Red Planet Blues)
  • 1969 Paul Adelstein, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Prison Break, Private Practice)
  • 1970 Andre Agassi, Las Vegas, Nevada, tennis pro (1996 Olympic gold, 8x Grand Slam champion, Won 17 ATP Masters Series tournaments, more than any other player. TENNIS Magazine has named him the 7th greatest male player from 1965 through 2005, cited as one of the most charismatic players in the history of tennis)
  • 1970 Uma Thurman Boston MA, actress (Baron Munchausen, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, Dangerous Liasons)
  • 1984 Taylor Cole, Arlington, Texas, actress (Summerland, CSI: Miami, The Event, The Glades)

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Opportunities multiply as they are seized. – Sun Tzu

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1429 Joan of Arc leads Orleans France, to victory over English.
  • 1770 James Cook first lands at Kumell, and named the harbour Botany Bay because of the great quantity of plants they discovered.
  • 1852 1st edition of Peter Roget’s Thesaurus published.
  • 1861 Maryland’s House of Delegates voted to secede from the Union during the Civil War.
  • 1862 New Orleans falls to Union forces under Admiral David Farragut during the Civil War.
  • 1879 Electric arc lamps first used in the U.S. at Cleveland, Ohio.
  • 1945 The German army in Italy unconditionally surrendered to the Allies during World War II.
  • 1945 Adolf Hitler marries Eva Braun in a Berlin bunker.
  • 1945 United States troops liberated the Dachau concentration camp.
  • 1953 First U.S. three-dimensional television telecast was made by KECA-TV in Los Angeles, California.
  • 1961 ABC’s “Wide World of Sports” debut.
  • 1968 The controversial musical Hair opened on Broadway.
  • 1974 President Richard Nixon said he will release edited tapes made in White House pertaining to the Watergate Scandal.
  • 1992 Jury acquits Los Angeles police officers of beating Rodney King, riots begin.
  • 1997 First-ever Russo-American space walk completed by U.S. astronaut Jerry M. Linenger and Russian cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev, a five-hour excursion from the Russian space station Mir.
  • 1998 Brazil agreed to set aside about 25 million ha (62 million ac) of the Amazon rain forest for conservation.
  • 2004 Oldsmobile builds its final car ending 107 years of production.
  • 2011 Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Kate Middleton, are married.

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How to start the day and feel really good:

* Open a new file on your computer.
* Entitle it “Housework.”
* Place it in the Recycle Bin.
* Empty the Recycle Bin.
* Your computer will ask you, “Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?”

Answer “Yes” and click the left mouse button firmly.

Now you feel much better.

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Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

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ONE-LINERS:

~ The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road you put the stuff.
~ The only difference between the difficult and the impossible is that the impossible takes a bit longer.
~ Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and recorded every day like those of a baseball player.
~ To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
~ When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.
~ Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.
~ Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the skunk it could be done.
~ You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
~ You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
~ You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
~ You stop believing in Santa Claus when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
~ Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo
~ When I was little, my dad had me convinced the ice cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played, dad, well played.

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pic of the day: Pensacola Beach

pensacola-beach

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WARNING! PUNNY SHOP NAMES!
~ A mobile snack truck named ‘The Hound of the Basket Meals’.

~ A bakery called ‘Agatha Crustie’.

~ ‘A Pane in the Glass’ is the name of a glazier’s in New York.

~ ‘The Vinyl Frontier’; a shop which sells second hand records.

~ A Teddy bear shop called ‘Bearly Trading’.

~ Fish and chip shopnamed ‘Oh My Cod’.

~ A driving school called ‘L Passo’.

~ Fruit, vegetable and flower shop by the name of ‘Meloncaulie Rose’.

~ Barbers shop named ‘Herr Kutz’.

~ Mobile snack bar which goes by the name of, ‘The Star Chip Enterprise.’

~ A moving van company called “Van Gough”.

~ A horticultural nursery boasting a sign reading: “Your fuchsia is in our hands.”

~ A greetings card shop can be found that goes by the name of “Havant Forgotten”.

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A lawyer phoned the governor’s mansion shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the governor. It’s an emergency!” exclaimed the lawyer.

After some cajoling, the governor’s assistant agreed to wake him up. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” grumbled the governor.

“Judge Jones just died, and I want to take his place,” begged the attorney.

“Well, it’s okay with me if it’s okay with the funeral home,” replied the governor.

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A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!”
The copper said, “What’s he like?”
The little boy replied, “Beer and football!”
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One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?”

Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?”

Tom: “The smaller piece, of course.”

Bill: “What are you whining about then? That’s what you got!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What’s the Scoop on Scampi?!

~ Actually, Scampi is a culinary name for a kind of small lobster.  These little lobsters are also known as Nephrops norvegicus, Norway lobster, Dublin Bay prawn, langoustine and are the “true scampi”.

~ In time, the term “Scampi” came to be used to describe the way this lobster is usually cooked.

~ This method of preparation uses garlic butter in cooking shrimp and often a dry white wine.  The scampi can be served alone, or over top of rice or pasta. 

~ Because the word “scampi” is so closely connected with that type of preparation, scampi is more often thought of  as the recipe rather than the ingredient.

~ AllRecipes.com claims to have the Absolutely Best Shrimp Scampi recipe HERE.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Our generation never got a break. When we were young they taught us to respect our elders. Now that we are older, they tell us to listen to the youth of the country.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Life is sacred to me on all levels. Abortion does not compute with my philosophy. – Kate Mulgrew

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