“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. That little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.” W. Clement Stone
FOR TODAY – FEBRUARY 5th – FRIDAY
36th day of 2010 with 329 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* National Chocolate Fondue Day
* Weatherman’s Day
* Mexico Constitution Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1837 Dwight Lyman Moody, Northfield MA, evangelist (Student Volunteer Movement)
1840 John Boyd Dunlop, Scotland, developer (pneumatic rubber tire)
1848 Belle Starr [Myra Belle Shirley], Carthage MO, female outlaw (wild west)
1878 André Citroën, French automobile pioneer (Citroën car, double helical gears)
1900 Adlai E Stevenson, Los Angeles, (Governor-D-IL), presidential candidate (D) (1952, 1956)
1906 John Carradine, NYC, actor (Prisoner of Shark Island, Grapes of Wrath, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Stagecoach; Aaron/The Ten Commandments)
1915 Robert Hofstadter, NYC, atomic physicist (structure of nucleons, Nobel 1961)
1919 Red Buttons [Aaron Chwatt], Bronx NYC, comedian/actor (Sayonara, Poseidon Adventure)
1928 Andrew Greeley, Oak Park IL, priest and novelist (The Cardinal Sins)
1934 Hank Aaron, Mobile AL, baseball player (record 755 home runs, 1957 NL MVP)
1943 Nolan Bushnell, Clearfield UT, founder (Atari)/creator (Pong)
1947 Darrell Waltrip, Owensboro KY, NASCAR race car driver (three-time former NASCAR Winston Cup champion, winner of the 1989 Daytona 500 winner, current television race commentator with Fox Broadcasting Company and columnist at Foxsports.com.)
1962 Jennifer Jason Leigh, Hollywood, actress (Single White Female, Rush, Backdraft)
1971 Sara Evans, New Franklin MO, country music singer /songwriter (Restless, Real Fine Place)
1980 Brad Fitzpatrick (bradfitz), Iowa, programmer (creator of LiveJournal)
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Everything matters. Time is precious. – Jessica Hagedorn
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
62 AD Earthquake in Pompeii Italy
1778 South Carolina becomes the first state to ratify the Articles of Confederation.
1879 Joseph Swan demonstrates light bulb using carbon glow.
1919 Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, and D.W. Griffith launch United Artists.
1922 Reader’s Digest magazine first published.
1971 Apollo 14 Mission – Alan Shepard and Edgar Mitchell aboard LM, Antares land on the Moon at Fra Mauro formation and walk on moon.
1972 Bob Douglas becomes the first African American elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame.
1981 Largest Jell-O made, some 7,700 gallons ($14,000 worth at the time) of pink Jell-O was set in a tank donated by a swimming pool firm.
1994 “Where On Earth Is Carmen San Diego” debuted on Fox TV
2008 Major tornado outbreak across the Southern United States leaves 57 dead, the most since the May 31, 1985 outbreak that killed 88.
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After many weeks of trying, a guy pays top dollar and scores a ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He’s closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter, the guy looks through his binoculars and sees an empty seat ten rows off the field right on the 50 yard line.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. He asks the gentleman sitting next to the seat, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?”
“No.”
“May I use the seat?”
“Sure.”
“This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!”
“Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been together at since we got married in 1967.”
“Wow. That’s really sad. But still, couldn’t you find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?”
“They’re all at the funeral.”
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A grocer put up a sign: EGGPLANT 25 CENTS EACH, 3 FOR A DOLLAR
All day long, customers came in exclaiming: “Don’t be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!”
Each time, the grocer capitulated meekly and packaged four eggplants.
After buying his four eggplants, the tailor next door asked the grocer, “Aren’t you going to fix the mistake on your sign?”
“What mistake? Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant.”
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ONE-LINERS : CROSSING BREEDS
What do you get when you cross…
~ A fawn with a hornet?
Bambee.
~ A pig with a cactus?
A porker pine.
~ A cat with a lemon?
A sourpuss.
~ A banana with some light red lingerie?
A pink slip.
~ A chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
~ An Eskimo with a nudist colony?
A polar bare.
~ A dove with a high chair?
A stool pigeon.
~ A tree with a baseball player?
Babe Root.
~ A parrot with a centipede?
A walkie-talkie.
~ A rabbit with a kilt?
Hopscotch.
~ A hummingbird with a doorbell?
A humdinger.
~ A dog with a chicken?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.
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A MONTH after our graduation from Marine boot camp, my buddy Jack was sent to sick bay. He nervously sat across from two second lieutenants who had stopped talking when he arrived. The three of them sat in awkward silence for several minutes. Then one lieutenant looked at his watch and, leaning close to his partner, jerked his thumb toward the door. “Let’s go outside,” he said, “and catch a few salutes.” – Bill Chaney
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pic of the day: Aw Nuts!
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While driving with my daughter and her husband, I noticed that the woman in the car ahead of us had a rather odd vanity plate.
“That’s weird,” I said, pointing to it. “Why would anyone want to boast about mold on their car?”
“Call me crazy,” said my son-in-law after deciphering the phrase, “but I believe that reads ‘FUN-GAL.’”
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This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.
Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. “I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself.”
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.
The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?”
“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
“Mom, do men ever go to Heaven?”
“Yes, of course they do. What makes you ask that?”
“I’ve never seen a picture of an angel with whiskers.”
“Well, some men do go to heaven, but they get there only by a close shave.”
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10 Commandments of Marriage
Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3. Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.
Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9. Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.
Commandment 10. Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is a sacrificial operation?
In medical terms, a sacrifical operation is when one of a person’s organs is removed for the patient’s good.
An example would be removing a ruptured spleen to prevent a patient from bleeding to death.
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LIFE LESSON: Democracy functions best when we have an active citizenry. – Rick Perry
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that’s not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. – Mark Twain
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