“In times like these, it helps to remember that there have always been times like these.” – Paul Harvey
FOR TODAY – MARCH 3rd – WEDNESDAY
62nd day of 2010 with 303 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* I Want You To Be Happy Day
* If Pets Had Thumbs Day
* National Anthem Day
* Peach Blossom Day
* National Mulled Wine Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1831 George Pullman, Brocton NY, inventor and industrialist (Pullman sleeping car)
1847 Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish-Canadian inventor (telephone)
1911 Jean Harlow, Kansas City MO, 30s’ pin-up girl (Hold Your Man, Red Dust, China Seas)
1918 Dr. Arthur Kornberg, Brooklyn NY, biochemist (Nobel 1959 mechanisms in the biological synthesis of RNA & DNA)
1920 James Doohan, Canadian-born actor (Montgomery Scott-Star Trek)
1923 Doc Watson, Deep Gap NC, musician (guitar player, songwriter & singer of bluegrass, folk, country, blues & gospel music)
1926 James Merrill, NYC, poet (The Changing Lights of Sandover)
1962 Jackie Joyner-Kersee, East St. Louis IL, heptathlete (Olympics-gold-88, 92)
1971 Tyler Florence, Greenville SC, chef (cookbook author, Food Network / Tyler’s Ultimate)
1974 Jared Rushton, actor (Big, Honey I Shrank the Kids)
1982 Jessica Biel, Ely MN, actress (7th Heaven, The Illusionist, Valentine’s Day)
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To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. – Karen Sunde
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1817 Mississippi Territory is divided into Alabama Territory & Mississippi.
1845 Florida becomes 27th state.
1849 US Department of the Interior established by Congress.
1863 Idaho Territory forms.
1879 The United States Geological Survey is created.
1885 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) incorporates.
1923 TIME magazine is published for the first time.
1931 “Star Spangled Banner” officially becomes US national anthem.
1969 Apollo 9 launched into 151 Earth orbits (10 days).
2005 Steve Fossett becomes the first person to fly an airplane around the world solo without any stops without refueling – a journey of 40,234 km/ 25,000mi completed in 67 hours and 2 minutes.
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“Where’s my Sunday paper?!” the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.
“Ma’am,” said the newspaper employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday.”
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, as she was heard to mutter, “Well, that’s why no one was at church today!”
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It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when a young lady got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift.
This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.
The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.
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ONE-LINERS : Funny Employee Evaluations
1. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
3. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargles
4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered in a trap.
5. When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8. She sets low personal standards, then consistently fails to achieve them.
9. This employee should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.
10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
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The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here!
What’s your name sailor?” “John,” the new seaman replied.
“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’.
Do I make myself clear?”
“Aye, Aye Chief!”
“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”
The seaman sighed. “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”
“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do …”
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pic of the day:
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Two elderly gentlemen are talking. “I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. You’re about my age. How do you feel?”
“I feel just like a newborn baby.”
“Really? Like a newborn baby?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
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First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I’d locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning that roadside service couldn’t get a locksmith to me for at least two hours. Finally the guy showed, looking exhausted.
As he struggled with my door, I joked, “Do those Slim Jim tools come in purse-size?”
“Yeah,” he muttered. “They’re called keys.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
“I want to be a tightrope walker. What equipment do I need?”
“Very flexible shoes, two towers, a wire, a pole and a bank book.”
“I understand the shoes, towers, wire and pole, but what’s the bank book for?”
“To check your balance, of course.”
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After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up. Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and hot chocolate and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang.
There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, “I’m two hours late and you’re still not ready?!?”
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A friend of mine hosted a dinner party for his co-workers, encouraging his guests to bring their children. Throughout the sit-down dinner, one co-worker’s three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food she was staring so much.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, “Why are you staring at me?”
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. The little girl said, “I just want to see how you drink like a fish.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: “The Star-Spangled Banner” is the national anthem of the United States of America. The lyrics come from a poem written in 1814, entitled. “Defence of Fort McHenry”. The author, Francis Scott Key, was 35 years old at the time. He wrote the poem after witnessing the bombardment of Fort McHenry by the British Royal Navy ships in Chesapeake Bay during the Battle of Baltimore in the War of 1812.
The poem was set to the tune “To Anacreon in Heaven”, a popular British drinking song, and renamed “The Star-Spangled Banner”. The music has a range of one and a half octaves, which makes it rather difficult to sing.
The song actually has four stanzas, only the first is all that is commonly sung today. The fourth stanza (“O thus be it ever when free men shall stand…”) is sometimes added on more formal occasions. It includes the phrase, ”And this be our motto: In God is our Trust”
The Star Spangles Banner was made the national anthem by a congressional resolution on March 3, 1931 (46 Stat. 1508, codified at 36 U.S.C. § 301), which was signed by President Herbert Hoover.
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LIFE LESSON: How can you come to know yourself? Never by thinking, always by doing. Try to do your duty, and you’ll know right away what you amount to. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Never try to teach a pig to sing – it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: “There are only two options regarding commitment: You’re either in or you’re out. There’s no such thing as life in-between.” Pat Riley
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