“To get your ideas across, use small words, big ideas and short sentences.” John Henry Patterson
FOR TODAY – MARCH 4th – THURSDAY
63rd day of 2010 with 302 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* Charter Day (Pennsylvania/ 1681)
* Admission Day (Vermont/ 1791)
* Hug a GI Day
* National Poundcake Day
* Old US President Inauguration Day (from 1798 until 1933)
* Holy Experiment Day*
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1678 Antonio Vivaldi, Venice, Baroque violin virtuoso/composer (4 Seasons)
1782 Johann Rudolf Wyss, Swiss folklorist/writer (Swiss Family Robinson)
1792 Samuel Slocum, Poughkeepsie NY, inventor (stapler)
1862 Jacob Robert Emden, Swiss geologist/astrophysicist (Emden-polytroop)
1888 Knute Rockne, Norwegian/US football player/coach (Notre Dame)
1889 Pearl White [Victoria], Green Ridge MO, actress/stunt woman (Perils of Pauline)
1891 Dazzy Vance, Orient IA, hall of fame pitcher (led National League in strike-outs 7-years)
1901 Charles Goren, Phildelphia PA, world champion bridge player / author (contributed significantly to development/ popularity of bridge)
1919 Buck Baker, Richburg SC, racecar driver (one of the greatest drivers in NASCAR history)
1923 Sir Patrick Moore, England, astronomer/writer (A-Z of Astronomy)
1942 Gloria Gaither, Battle Creek MI, gospel songwriter
1948 James Ellroy, Los Angeles CA, crime writer (L.A. Confidential, The Black Dahlia, White Jazz)
1958 Patricia Heaton, Cleveland OH, actress (Debra-Everybody Loves Raymond)
1963 Daniel Roebuck, Bethlehem PA, actor (Matlock, Nash Bridges, Lost, The Late Shift)
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Storms make oaks take deeper root. – George Herbert
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1634 Samuel Cole opens the first tavern in Boston, Massachusetts.
1681 Charles II grants a land charter to William Penn for the area that will later become Pennsylvania.
1789 In New York City, the first US Congress meets, putting the Constitution into effect. (9 senators, 13 representatives)
1791 Vermont admitted as 14th state (1st addition to the 13 colonies).
1794 1th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution passed by the U.S. Congress.
1902 American Automobile Association (AAA) founded in Chicago.
1917 Jeannette Rankin (Representative-Republican-MT) becomes 1st female member of Congress.
1925 Calvin Coolidge becomes the first President of the United States to have his inauguration broadcast on radio.
1933 Frances Perkins becomes Secretary of Labor, 1st US woman cabinet member
1954 Peter Bent Brigham Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts, announces the first successful kidney transplant.
1997 President Clinton bans federally funded human cloning research.
2005 UN warns about 90 million Africans could be infected by the HIV virus in the future without further action against the spread of the disease.
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The Sunday School teacher was describing how, when Lot and his family were fleeing the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.
One little boy piped up, “My dad looked back once while he was driving. He turned into a telephone pole!”
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AT ONE TIME, the ammunition dump at Nellis AFB, Nevada, was commanded by a colonel whose strict rule was no matches or lighters in the ammo area. To test the men, he would occasionally walk among them with an unlighted cigar between his teeth, stopping now and then to ask an unsuspecting airman for a light.
One evening the colonel paused to watch a sergeant and his crew unpack bomb fuses. “Would any of you gentlemen have a light?” he asked.
“Yes, sir!” an airman piped up. The sergeant and crew stood braced for the colonel’s wrath. But the deathly silence erupted into guffaws.
“Thank you, airman,” the colonel said and strutted away. With a flourish, the airman switched off his flashlight and returned it to his pocket. – Dave C. Harper
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ONE-LINERS : YOU MAY BE A FARMER IF…
~ An overnight, out-of-state trip for equipment parts is a vacation.
~ You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
~ You sometimes rinse off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife lets you in the house.
~ You’ve never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
~ You have used baling wire to attach a license plate.
~ You remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, and yields for 10 years back, but not your kid’s birthdays.
~ You drive off the road while examining your neighbor’s crops.
~ You borrow gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
~ You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
~ You have used a tractor front-end loader as scaffolding for roof repairs.
~ When you drive your truck, everybody waves at you.
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A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.
“Hoot mon,” he said, “in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $20.”
“That might be true,” said the travel agent, “but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord Himself walked.”
“Well, at $50 an hour for a boat,” said the Scotsman, “it’s no wonder He walked.”
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pic of the day: Florida Coastline
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My friend’s brother, Cliff, is a very serious, dignified man, so his actions at an airport’s check-in counter were totally unexpected.
It seems that he and his wife were placing their baggage on the conveyor when her purse accidentally fell onto the moving belt. She scrambled after it but it eluded her, so she climbed onto the belt to try to reach it.
Just as she was about to disappear through the doorway with the baggage, Cliff began to wave frantically, “No, no dear!” he shouted. “It’s okay! This time we bought tickets.”
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A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are those machetes doing in your car?” asks the cop.
“I juggle them in my act.”
“Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it. “The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
“Wow, “says the passer-by. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ The baseball player made a clean move with the girl but then he struck out.
~ The math teacher was hungry, but all she had to eat was a piece of pi.
~ When it comes to making desserts you really take the cake.
~ The other day I saw a magician walk down the street and turn into a drugstore.
~ The farmer gave his chickens a bushel of feed, but they only took a peck.
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The theme of our community college’s annual writers’ conference was “Writing: For the Sell of It”. I called a widely published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker. my request was met with a long silence. Finally he said, “I don’t know what I would say to that audience.”
“You’re just being modest,” I replied. “I’m sure you’re extremely qualified to speak about selling what you’ve written.”
He suddenly broke into laughter. “I thought you said ‘Writing for the Celibate.’”
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A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, “How long will it take me to get to the next town?”
The farmer didn’t answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again.
After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out, “‘Bout 20 minutes.”
“Thank you. But why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you?”
“Didn’t know how fast you could walk.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Old Inauguration Day
The United States Constitution mandates that the President make an oath or affirmation before that person can “enter on the Execution” of the office of the presidency. Over the years, the inauguration has expanded from a simple oath-taking ceremony to a day-long event, including parades, speeches, and balls.
The old Inauguration Day was on March 4 from 1793 until 1933.
Since then, Inauguration Day has occurred on January 20, due to the 20th Amendment (ratified Jan 23, 1933) providing that “the terms of the President and Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January … and the terms of their successors shall then begin.”
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LIFE LESSON: “If you don’t make a total commitment to whatever you’re doing, then (you’ll) start to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking.” Lou Holtz
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People who say, “I’m beside myself,” are often mistaken; with the notable exception of time travellers and Siamese twins.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Before you do anything, think. If you do something to try and impress someone, to be loved, accepted or even to get someone’s attention, stop and think. So many people are busy trying to create an image, they die in the process. – Salma Hayek
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