If I have learnt anything, it is that life forms no logical patterns. It is haphazard and full of beauties which I try to catch as they fly by, for who knows whether any of them will ever return? – Margot Fonteyn
FOR TODAY – MARCH 8th – MONDAY
67th day of 2010 with 298 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* Be Nasty Day
* International (Working) Women’s Day
* National Cheese Doodle Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1804 Alvan Clark, Ashfield Mass., telescope maker and astronomer (US Naval Observatory, Yerkes Observatory)
1839 James Mason Crafts, Boston Mass., chemist (Friedel-Crafts-synthesis)
1841 Oliver Wendell Holmes, Boston Mass., 59th Supreme Court justice (1902-32)
1859 Kenneth Grahame, British author (The Wind in the Willows, The Reluctant Dragon)
1865 Frederick William Goudy, Bloomington IL, printer/type designer
1879 Otto Hahn, German physicist/chemist (Nobel 44, radiothorium/actinium, co-discoverer-nuclear fission)
1886 Edward Calvin Kendall, So. Norwalk CT, chemist, (Nobel/worked at Mayo Clinic on structure & biological effects of adrenal cortex hormones/ discovery of the hormone Cortisone)
1902 Jennings Randolph, Salem WV, politician, US Senator from West Virginia (d. 1998)
1918 Alan Hale [MacKahan] Jr, Los Angeles CA, actor (Skipper Jonas Grumby-Gilligan’s Island)
1943 Lynn Redgrave, England, actress (Georgie Girl) Weight-Watcher
1945 Micky Dolenz, Los Angeles CA, actor/ musician (The Monkees)
1946 Randy Meisner, Scotts Bluff NE, musician/ songwriter (The Eagles/ Poco)
1959 Aidan Quinn, Rockford IL, actor (Legends of the Fall, Michael Collins, Reckless, Nine Lives, Dark Matter)
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Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength. – Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1702 England’s Queen Anne ascends throne upon death of King William III.
1838 US mint in New Orleans begins operation (producing dimes).
1894 New York passes 1st state dog license law .
1911 International Women’s Day started in Copenhagen, Denmark, by Clara Zetkin, leader of the Women’s Office for the Social Democratic Party in Germany.
1924 Castle Gate mine disaster kills 172 coal miners near Castle Gate, Utah.
1936 Daytona Beach Road Course holds their first oval stock car race.
1968 6 year old Tommy Moore scored hole-in-one in golf (Hagerstown MD).
1978 First radio episode of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams, is transmitted on BBC Radio 4.
1979 Philips demonstrates the Compact Disc publicly for the first time.
1999 Supreme Court of the US upholds the murder convictions of Timothy McVeigh for the Oklahoma City bombing.
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During a visit to the retirement home, I asked the director, “How do you determine whether or not a person should be institutionalized?”
“Well,” said the Director, “We fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No,” said the Director. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”
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Archie, a successful business man becomes fed up with all the stress of big city life and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and buys a large ranch in the middle of the outback, just north of Barossa Valley in South Australia.
After a couple of months of enjoying the quietness and solitude he hears the drumming of hoofs outside his home. Seizing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse, “G’day neighbor, hold it right there.”
The rider says, “I’m your neighbor, I have a ranch only 20 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I’m throwing for you next Saturday. There’s going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting..… we’ll have a great time.”
Not wanting to be unfriendly the new rancher lowers the rifle and asks, “How should I dress?”
“Blimey, mate, it don’t matter,” replied the neighbor, “There’s only gonna be the two of us.”
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ONE-LINERS : ANNOYING PEOPLE AT WORK
~ I hate to chair meetings that include a finger drummer. It’s too tempting to sit there with a gavel in my hand.
~ I worked with a guy who was so loud he cost the company a lot of money in overtime. When he was speaking nobody could hear the quitting bell.
~ Some office colleagues insist on visiting when you’re busy. Like bills, they generally arrive when you can’t handle them.
~ The borrower borrows books, staples, and pens… the only thing this person brings to work that is his, is his clothing.
~ The office slob is the opposite of Johnny Appleseed. He wanders from office to office sprinkling coffee stains everywhere.
~ Some office personnel are just plain obnoxious. They’re the kind of person you’d be embarrassed to introduce to your parole officer.
~ Sometimes you can get rid of these office jerks by dropping a subtile hint, like calling security.
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A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.
When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it’s level of unruliness.
Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
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pic of the day: Peacock
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Customer: Do you have and cockroaches?
Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.
Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.
Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?
Customer: I’m moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.
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A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?”
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?”
“Nine…”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ Jack and Jill is the best nursery rhyme as others pail in comparison.
~ The truly enlightened have homes with two Karma garages.
~ My favorite allergy song is Blowin’ in the Wind by Peter Pollen Mary.
~ The baseball player made a clean move with the girl but then he struck out.
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One Thursday an inebriated man got on Dave’s double-decker bus and sat in the bottom deck close to Dave. Now, Dave is not meant to allow drunks onto his bus but he had a good heart and let the man stay on.
The man started rambling on and on, so Dave suggested he should sit upstairs. “The air is cleaner up there and you’ll get a much better view.” The man agreed, but returned a few minutes later. “What’s wrong?” Dave asked. “Don’t you like it better up there?”
“It’s fine,” the drunk said. “But it’s too dangerous: There’s no driver”.
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Graveyard Humor
John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
dig six feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
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In a Hartscombe, England cemetery:
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
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Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Peacocks
Although peacocks is often used as a generic term for all the sexes of these birds, actually a peacock is the MALE. The females are called peahens, and the little ones are peachicks. Altogher, they are called peafowl.
Peafowl belong to the same family as pheasants and chickens (Phasianidae). The most important difference is their plumage.
They are native to India, Burma, Java, Ceylon, Malaya and Congo. Though found now in many other places, the bird did not migrate on its own, but was taken to many other parts of the world because of its beautiful feathers.
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LIFE LESSON: Real, constructive mental power lies in the creative thought that shapes your destiny, and your hour-by-hour mental conduct produces power for change in your life. Develop a train of thought on which to ride. The nobility of your life as well as your happiness depends upon the direction in which that train of thought is going. – Laurence J. Peter
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Insult of the Day: Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings? – Milton Berle
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: “It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super-sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.” Erma Bombeck
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