Patriotism is not so much protecting the land of our fathers as it is preserving the land for our children.
FOR TODAY – MARCH 9th – TUESDAY
68th day of 2010 with 297 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* Panic Day
* National Crabmeat Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1454 Amerigo Vespucci, Italian explorer & cartographer for whom America is named
1564 David Fabricius, Germany, astronomer (discovered variable star)
1824 Leland Stanford, Watervliet NY, (CA Governor/Senator)/founder Stanford University
1839 Phoebe Knapp, NYC, hymn writer (Blessed Assurance)
1900 Howard Aiken, Hoboken NJ, computing pioneer (Harvard Mark I & II)
1902 Will Greer, Frankfort IN, actor (Grandpa Walton-The Waltons)
1918 Mickey Spillane, Brooklyn NY, mystery writer (I the Jury/ Mike Hammer series)
1936 Mickey Gilley, country musician and singer (Room Full of Roses; Urban Cowboy/ Stand By Me)
1940 Raul Julia, Puerto Rico, actor (Gomez/Addams Family, Kiss of the Spider Woman, The Burning Season)
1943 Bobby Fischer, Chicago IL, world chess champion (1972-75)
1943 Trish Van Devere, Tenafly NJ, actress (Changeling, Hearse, Columbo)
1950 Danny Sullivan, Louisville KY, race car driver (1985 Indianapolis 500; Indy Heat for NES)
1958 Linda Fiorentino, Philadelphia PA, actress (Dr. Laurel Weaver/Men in Black; Dogma, Vision Quest)
1963 David Pogue, Shaker Heights OH, technology columnist and musician
1968 Brian Heidik, Burtonsville MD, reality-show contestant (winner Thailand Survivor)
1971 Emmanuel Lewis, Brooklyn NY, actor (Webster)
1984 Julia Mancuso, Reno NV, Alpine ski racer (2006 Olympic gold medalist)
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If you’re ready and willing, you will often be able.
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1798 Dr George Balfour becomes 1st naval surgeon in the US navy.
1820 James Monroe’s daughter Maria marries in the White House.
1822 Charles M Graham of New York patents artificial teeth.
1858 Albert Potts of Philadelphia patents the street mailbox.
1873 Royal Canadian Mounted Police founded.
1954 1st local color TV commercial WNBT-TV (WNBC-TV) New York NY (Castro Decorators).
1959 Barbie, the popular girls’ doll, debuted, over 800 million sold.
1964 1st Ford Mustang produced.
1974 Last Japanese soldier, a guerrilla operating in Philippines, surrenders, 29 years after World War II ended.
1976 1st female cadets accepted to West Point Military Academy.
1981 Dan Rather becomes primary anchorman of CBS-TV News.
1989 Eastern Airlines files for bankruptcy.
1990 Dr. Antonia Novello is sworn in as Surgeon General of the United States, becoming the first female and Hispanic American to serve in that position.
1997 Comet Hale-Bopp seen during day in China, Mongolia and eastern Siberia, a rare double feature as an eclipse permits Hale-Bopp to be seen during the day.
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The minister is quoting the Old Testament to the children’s service. “The Lord our God, the Lord is One,” he reads.
Just then a hand goes up among the students. The youngster asks, “When will He be two?”
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A dog is so smart that his master decides to send him to college. Home on break, his master asks the dog, “How are you doing in your courses?”
The dog replies, “Well, I’m not doing too great in science and math, but I’ve made a lot of progress in languages.”
“Really?! Say something in a foreign language.”
The dog says, “Meow!”
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ONE-LINERS : Clumsy Ad Copy
- No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
- Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
- Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
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The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help.. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
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pic of the day: Rooster
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A man got in a taxi cab to be driven to work. They were about to turn a corner, but had to wait for the light. The taxi cab driver wasn’t sure his blinkers were working so he said to the man “will you look out the window and make sure my blinkers are working?” As requested, the man stuck his head out the window and responded “yes, no, yes, no, yes, no…”
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A professor at the Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures.
At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase.
For example, when the professor said, “On the other hand,” that counted as a base hit. “By the same token” was a strike out; “and so on” counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball.
On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly.
Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Police arrived at a murder scene and found that the deceased had been drowned in a bathtub of full of milk.
Another bizarre twist – there were strawberries scattered all over the body and a spoon stuck in one ear.
Now they’re looking for a cereal killer.
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Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly.
Several minutes passed… and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, “Dean, you weren’t jumping on the beds again, were you?”
He stood with his little head dropped low and said, “I’m trying, but it’s so hard to quit.”
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Lawyers Justice?
- In 2003, televangelist Jim Bakker paid a $3.7 million settlement for defrauding his followers. Lawyers got $2.5 million of it – and each victim got $6.54.
- In a 2003, settlement between Sears and customers with improperly done wheel balancing. Lawyers got $2.45 million – and customers got $2.50 per tire.
- When a bank settled a lawsuit over improper interest charges, the lawyers got $8.5 million. Each bank customer got less than $10, and then had to pay the bank $91 to reimburse its court fees.
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“I have to have a raise, boss. There are three other companies after me.”
“Is that so? Exactly which companies are after you?”
“The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: David Pogue
David Pogue grew up in Shaker Heights, OH, a suburb of Cleveland.
He is the personal-technology columnist for the New York Times, with a print column, an online column, an online video and a popular daily blog, “Pogue’s Posts.” His columns combine technical know-how with wit and humor and make for a great read!
He is an Emmy award-winning tech correspondent for CBS News. David Pogue appears each week on CNBC with his trademark comic tech videos.
Pogue also is one of the world’s bestselling how-to authors with over 3 million books in print. In 1999, he launched his own series of computer books called the Missing Manual series, which now includes over 100 titles. Before that, he wrote or co-wrote seven books in the “for Dummies” series (including Macs, Magic, Opera, and Classical Music).
He’s been profiled on both “48 Hours” and “60 Minutes.” His personal website can be found at Pogue’s Pages.
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LIFE LESSON: Joy is prayer – Joy is strength – Joy is love – Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. – Mother Teresa
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When politicians get the flu, you can never tell which way they’ll vote. Sometimes the eyes have it, sometimes the nose.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned. – Gautama Buddha
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