To live is like to love – all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. ~ Samuel Butler
FOR TODAY - MARCH 9th – WEDNESDAY
68th day of 2011 with 297 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* Panic Day
* National Crabmeat Day
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1454 Amerigo Vespucci, Italian explorer & cartographer for whom America is named
- 1564 David Fabricius, Germany, astronomer (discovered variable star)
- 1824 Leland Stanford, Watervliet, New York, (CA Governor/Senator)/founder Stanford University
1839 Phoebe Knapp, New York City, New York, hymn writer (Blessed Assurance) - 1900 Howard Aiken, Hoboken, New Jersey, computing pioneer (Harvard Mark I & II)
- 1902 Will Greer, Frankfort, Indiana, actor (Grandpa Walton-The Waltons)
- 1918 Mickey Spillane, Brooklyn, New York, mystery writer (I the Jury/ Mike Hammer series)
- 1934 Yuri Gagarin, Soviet cosmonaut and the first human in space
- 1936 Mickey Gilley, Natchez, Mississippi, country musician and singer (Room Full of Roses; Urban Cowboy/ Stand By Me)
- 1940 Raul Julia, Puerto Rico, actor (Gomez/Addams Family, Kiss of the Spider Woman, The Burning Season)
- 1943 Bobby Fischer, Chicago, Illinois, world chess champion (1972-75)
- 1943 Trish Van Devere, Tenafly, New Jerseu, actress (Changeling, Hearse, Columbo)
- 1950 Danny Sullivan, Louisville, Kentucky, race car driver (1985 Indianapolis 500; Indy Heat for NES)
- 1958 Linda Fiorentino, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actress (Dr. Laurel Weaver/Men in Black; Dogma, Vision Quest)
- 1963 David Pogue, Shaker Heights, Ohio, New York Times technology columnist, Missing Manual publisher, CBS News correspondent, and musician
- 1968 Brian Heidik, Burtonsville, Maryland, reality-show contestant (winner Thailand Survivor)
- 1971 Emmanuel Lewis, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Webster)
- 1984 Julia Mancuso, Reno, Nevada, Alpine ski racer (2006 Olympic gold medalist)
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Life is easier than you’d think; all that is necessary is to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, and bear the intolerable. – Kathleen Norris
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1798 Dr George Balfour becomes 1st naval surgeon in the US navy.
- 1820 James Monroe’s daughter Maria marries in the White House.
- 1822 Charles M Graham of New York patents artificial teeth.
- 1858 Albert Potts of Philadelphia patents the street mailbox.
- 1873 Royal Canadian Mounted Police founded.
- 1954 1st local color TV commercial WNBT-TV (WNBC-TV) New York NY (Castro Decorators).
- 1959 Barbie, the popular girls’ doll, debuted, over 800 million sold.
- 1964 1st Ford Mustang produced.
- 1974 Last Japanese soldier, a guerrilla operating in Philippines, surrenders, 29 years after World War II ended.
- 1976 1st female cadets accepted to West Point Military Academy.
- 1981 Dan Rather becomes primary anchorman of CBS-TV News.
- 1989 Eastern Airlines files for bankruptcy.
- 1990 Dr. Antonia Novello is sworn in as Surgeon General of the United States, becoming the first female and Hispanic American to serve in that position.
- 1997 Comet Hale-Bopp seen during day in China, Mongolia and eastern Siberia, a rare double feature as an eclipse permits Hale-Bopp to be seen during the day.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No, ma’am, they’re dead.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
The following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was moving into his new house…
Bill: “There are a few issues we need to discuss.”
Contractor: “Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?”
Bill: “Uh, yeah… the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated.”
Contractor: “Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date.”
Bill: “We won’t be able to fit all our furniture in there.”
Contractor: “Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker.”
Bill: “Stacker?”
Contractor: “Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch… the chairs on the table… etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you’re done.”
Bill: “Uh… I dunno… issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won’t fit. The threads run the wrong way.”
Contractor: “Oh! That’s easy. Those bulbs aren’t plug and play. You’ll have to upgrade to the new bulbs.”
Bill: “And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?”
Contractor: “Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system.”
Bill: “You’re kidding!?”
Contractor: “Nope. Its the only way.”
Bill: “Well… I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won’t stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don’t work.”
Contractor: “That’s a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures.”
Bill: “And how do I fix that?”
Contractor: “Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work.”
Bill: “That’s the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?”
Contractor: “Hey, if you don’t like it nobody made you buy it.”
Bill: “And when will this be fixed?”
Contractor: “Oh, in your next house — which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we’ve had some delays…”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
ONE-LINERS : ** Ten Laws of Computing **
1. If you have reached the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
2. When you are computing, if someone is watching, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
3. When the going gets tough, upgrade your computer.
4. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you’d least expect to find it.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human…to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.
7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.
8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
9. A complex system that doesn’t work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
“I need to cash this check, please.”
“I need some identification.”
“Here you go.”
“Hmmm … you gave me several charge cards, a Social Security card and a library card. I need a driver’s license.”
“Oh, I don’t drive.”
“Don’t you have anything with your picture on it?”
“Oh, sure! Here’s a photo from our last family picnic. That’s me in the back row.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
pic of the day: Jack the Black Bear at the West Virginia State Wildlife Center
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Interviewer to job applicant: “I must say your work history is terrible. You’ve been fired from every job.”
“Yes.”
“Well, there’s not much positive in that.”
“Hey! At least I’m not a quitter.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
A police officer stopped a pastor and his wife for speeding on a motorcycle.
“What do you think you’re doing? You were going mighty fast there, Reverend.”
“We were just taking the bike for a spin. You know … see how it runs.”
“I’m going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn’t safe. What if you had an accident?”
“Don’t worry, my son. Jesus is with us.”
“In that case, I have to give you two tickets. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A chess tournament was in being held and contestants from around the world were in the lobby of the hotel bragging about other tournaments they had won. After awhile, the hotel manager came out of the office and asked them to please leave.
‘But why?’ they asked, as they moved off.
‘Because’, he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides.
The prosecutor asked had I ever been mugged. Did I know the victim or the defendant?
The defense attorney took a different approach. “I see you are a teacher,” he said. “What do you teach?”
“English and theater,” I responded.
“Then I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defense attorney quipped.
“No” I shot back. “You better watch your acting.”
I was excused from the case.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, “And what will your third wish be?”
The man looked at the genie and said, “Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven’t had a first or second wish yet?”
“You have had two wishes already,” the genie said, “but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left.”
“Okay,” said the man, “I don’t believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.”
“Funny,” said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. “That was your first wish, too!”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
TODAY’S TRIVIA: Amerigo Vespucci
~ He is an Italian but became a naturalized Spaniard in 1505
~ Vespucci was the third son of Ser Nastagio, a notary of Florence
~ He was very well educated, very expert in physics, geometry and astronomy
~ Well-known because America was named after Him 1507.
~ A man called Regiomontanus was famous as a Medieval Scientist, Mathematician and Astronomer. His book Ephemerides was used by Christopher Columbus and Amerigo Vespucci to measure longitudes in their explorations of the New World.
~ It was in 1497 when he was granted permission to undertake a voyage of discovery by King Ferdinand of Spain
~ The BIG question: Did Amerigo Vespucci discover America?
No! On 12 October 1492 Christopher Columbus was the first man to reach land to the west of America in the Bahamas. He explore right after Christopher Columbus. In 1507 the German mapmaker Martin Waldseemuller, written the first map that used the name ‘America’ for the New World clearly named after Amerigo Vespucci.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
LIFE LESSON: We should give meaning to life, not wait for life to give us meaning. – Stacy
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
QUIP OF THE DAY: Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. – Henry Van Dyke
Related Posts :
Related posts: