Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values. – Ayn Rand
FOR TODAY – APRIL 28th – WEDNESDAY
118th day of 2010 with 247 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* Kiss-Your-Mate Day
* National Day of Mourning (Canada)
* Worker’s Memorial Day
* Great Poetry Reading Day
* National Blueberry Pie Day*
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1758 James Monroe, VA, 5th US President (1817-25, Democratic Republican)
1878 Lionel Barrymore, Philadelphia PA, actor (A Free Soul, David Cooperfield, Dr Kildare)
1911 Lee Falk, St. Louis MO, comic strip writer (The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician)
1926 Harper Lee, Monroeville AL, author (To Kill a Mockingbird)
1930 Carolyn Jones, Amarillo TX, actress (Morticia-Addams Family)
1930 James Baker III, Houston TX, Secretary of Treasury (1985-88), Secretary of State (1989-92)
1934 Lois Duncan, Philadelphia PA, novelist (Who Killed My Daughter?, Hotel for Dogs)
1938 Madge Sinclair, Jamaica, actress (Bell-Roots, Convoy, Trapper John, STIV: Voyage Home)
1941 Ann-Margret, Sweden, actress (Bye Bye Birdie, Tommy, Grumpy Old Men)
1948 Terry Pratchett, English author (Discworld series)
1948 Marcia Strassman, NYC, actress (Welcome Back Kotter, Honey I Shrunk The Kids)
1950 Jay Leno, Andover Mass., comedian/talk show host (Tonight Show)
1952 Mary McDonnell, Wilkes-Barre PA, actress (Dances w/Wolves, Battlestar Galactica, The Closer)
1955 Paul Guilfoyle, Canton Mass., actor (Captain Jim Brass/CSI; Mrs. Doubtfire, Air Force 1)
1966 John Daly, Carmichael CA, golfer (1991 PGA Championship; 2004 Comeback of the Year)
1971 Bridget Moynahan, Binghamton NY, actress (Sum of all Fears, I Robot, Lord of War)
1971 Simbi Khali, Jackson Miss., actress (Nina-Third Rock From the Sun; Martin, Vampire in Brooklyn)
1973 Jorge Garcia, Omaha NE, actor / comedian (Becker, Lost)
1973 Elisabeth R�hm, German/American actress (Law & Order, Angel)
1981 Jessica Alba, Pomono CA, actress (Dark Angel, Fantastic Four, Honey)
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“Laughter is by definition healthy.” – Doris Lessing
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1788 Maryland becomes the 7th state to ratify the constitution.
1789 Captain William Bligh and 18 sailors set adrift; rebel crew returns to Tahiti briefly and then sets sail for Pitcairn Island.
1855 1st veterinary college in US incorporated in Boston.
1862 Admiral David Farragut captures New Orleans, Louisiana, during Civil War.
1914 181 die in coal mine disaster at Eccles WV.
1932 Yellow fever vaccine for humans announced.
1952 Dwight D. Eisenhower resigns as Supreme Commander of NATO.
1967 Expo 67 opens to the public in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.
1969 Charles de Gaulle resigns as President of France.
2001 Millionaire Dennis Tito becomes the world’s first space tourist.
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A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”
“Oh no, teacher,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms?”
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A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”
One child blurted out, “Aces!”
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ONE-LINERS : If They Made Toasters …
~ If financial planners made toasters, the bread would pop up and down but turn out just fine in 5 10 years. (Nancy Lininiger)
~ If Social Security made toasters, we would worry if there would be enough people to put bread in when we want toast out. (Terry Wall)
~ If telemarketers made toasters, they would ONLY work in the middle of your dinner. (Bob Minott)
~ If Mohammad made toasters, they would be for prophet. (Sharon Janis)
~ If casino moguls made toasters you would put in two slices of bread and get back one.
~ If Wyle E. Coyote made toasters they would char the user instead of the bread.
~ If bread made toasters, they would sell them as “portable tanning salons”.
~ If Cinderella made a toaster, at midnight it would turn into an Easy Bake oven.
~ If Britney Spears made a toaster it would be made of plastic.
~ If Bob Barker made a toaster the price would be right.
~ If CPAs made toasters, every crumb would count.
~ If cats made toasters, the bread would come out only when it wanted to.
~ If Al Gore made toasters, he would claim to have invented them.
~ If Martha Stewart made toasters they would be a good thing.
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DURING WORLD WAR II, I found that my wedding ring was being destroyed through the use of my GI trenching shovel, so I took the ring off and placed it on my dog-tag chain. After being promoted from corporal to staff sergeant, I sent my wife a photo of myself wearing the new stripes. Instead of congratulations, the letter I got back contained just five words: “Put that ring back on!” – Jack Feldman
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pic of the day: Alligator in the Okefenokee Swamp
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Two Rednecks are walking along and come upon a huge hole in the ground. Approaching it, they’re amazed by its size. The first Redneck says, “Wow, that’s some hole! I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is.”
“I know! Let’s throw something down there and listen how long it takes to hit bottom.”
“There’s an old transmission right over there. Give me a hand and we’ll throw it in and see”.
The two Rednecks pick up the transmission, carry it over, and hurl it into the hole.
As they’re standing listening for the impact they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. They turn around in time to see a goat come crashing through the brush and run up to the hole. With no hesitation he jumps in head first.
The two Rednecks are standing agape, looking into the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about. Just then an old farmer walks up. “Say there, you fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?”
“We were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin’ about a hunerd miles an hour and jumped head first into this hole here!”
“Why, that’s impossible! I had him chained to a transmission …”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Q: What do you call a mallard who plays basketball?
A: A slam duck.
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Q: Why did the boy take his bicycle to bed?
A: He didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
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Q: What happened when the teacher accidentally tied all the student’s shoelaces together?
A: They went on a class trip.
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Q: Why did the sailor break up with his girlfriend?
A: They’d drifted apart.
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Where do King Arthur and Sir Lancelot go for entertainment?
A: To a knight club.
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It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. “I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!”
The crowd went wild, shouting “Hoya! Hoya!”
The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. “I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!”
“Hoya! Hoya!” cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
“I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!”
The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting “Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!”
After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle.
Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. “Sure,” the Chief said, “but be careful not to step in the hoya.”
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JUST BEFORE we were deployed overseas, our battalion commander, a colonel, ordered my fellow officers and me to “set an example and bring all equipment on our packing list.” But soon after we arrived in Hawaii, I noticed a staff officer standing in line waiting to use a pay phone. “Who are you calling?” I asked. “The colonel’s wife,” he said. “The colonel forgot his socks.” – 2Lt. Steven W. Crusinberry
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is “The National Day of Mourning”?
This is a holiday in Canada to commemorate workers whose lives have been lost or injured in the workplace.
It was officially recognized by the federal government in 1991, eight years after the day of remembrance was launched by the Canadian Labour Congress. The Day of Mourning has since spread to about 80 countries around the world and has been adopted by the AFL-CIO and the International Confederation of Free Trade.
On this day, the Canadian flag on Parliament Hill flies at half-mast. ~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
LIFE LESSON: If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. – Robert Fritz
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One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: “The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain
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