Jokes and Trivia for June 4, 2010

Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges make life worth living. – Mary Tyler Moore

FOR TODAY – JUNE 4th – FRIDAY

155th day of 2010 with 210 to follow.

Holidays for Today:
* Applesauce Cake Day
* Hug Your Cat Day
* Old Maid’s Day
* National Cognac Day
* National Doughnut Day (1st Friday in June)*
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1907 Rosalind Russell, Waterbury CT, actress (His Girl Friday, Wonderful Town)
1916 Robert F. Furchgott, Charleston SC, biochemist (Nobel/ discovered endothelium-derived relaxing factor (EDRF))
1924 Dennis Weaver, Joplin MO, actor (Gunsmoke, McCloud, Duel)
1932 John Drew Barrymore, Los Angeles CA, actor (father of Drew Barrymore)
1936 Bruce Dern, Chicago IL, actor (The Haunting, Down Periscope, Silent Running, The Great Gatsby, Coming Home, Black Sunday)
1937 Freddy Fender, San Benito TX, musician (Before The Next Teardrop Falls, Wasted Days & Wasted NIghts)
1937 Robert Fulghum, Waco TX, author (All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten)
1943 Joyce Meyer, St. Louis MO, Charismatic Christian author and speaker (Conflict Free Living, The Power of Simple Prayer)
1951 Wendy Pini, San Franciso CA, comic book writer and artist (Elfquest, WaRP)
1967 Robert Shane Kimbrough, Killeen TX, astronaut (Mission Specialist STS-126 launched on 11-14-08; 2 spacewalks/12 hours, 52 minutes in EVA)
1971 Noah Wyle, Hollywood CA, actor (Dr. John Carter/ER, A Few Good Men, Pirates of Silicon Valley)
1975 Angelina Jolie, Los Angeles CA, actress (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider; Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Kung Fu Panda)
1985 Evan Lysacek, Chicago IL, 2010 Olympic champion figure skater (2010 Dancing w/the Stars, 2nd place)
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The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
781 BC The first historic solar eclipse is recorded in China.
1584 Sir Walter Raleigh establishes the first English colony on Roanoke Island, old Virginia (now North Carolina).
1783 The Montgolfier brothers publicly demonstrate their montgolfi�re (hot air balloon).
1812 Following Louisiana’s admittance as a U.S. state, the Louisiana Territory is renamed the Missouri Territory.
1912 Massachusetts becomes the first state of the United States to set a minimum wage.
1917 The first Pulitzer Prizes are awarded: Laura E. Richards, Maude H. Elliott, and Florence Hall receive the first Pulitzer for biography (for Julia Ward Howe). Jean Jules Jusserand receives the first Pulitzer for history for his work With Americans of Past and Present Days. Herbert B. Swope receives the first Pulitzer for journalism for his work for the New York World.
1919 Congress approves 19th Amendment to US Constitution, which guarantees suffrage to women; sends it to the states for ratification.
1973 A patent for the ATM is granted to Don Wetzel, Tom Barnes and George Chastain.
1989 Tiananmen Square protests are violently ended in Beijing by People’s Liberation Army.
1998 Terry Nichols is sentenced to life in prison for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
“They will in a minute.”
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When my father was in boot camp, the troops were instructed to put their belongings in their footlockers, write their last names and first initials on the containers and report back for inspection. A few minutes later, the commanding officer, after having seen my father’s locker emblazoned with his last name ‘Locke’ and his first initial ‘R,’ furiously bellowed, “Okay, who’s the wise guy?” – Tod Locke
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ONE-LINERS : Parenthood…
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

And finally: If you have a lot of tension and get a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle: Take two aspiring and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!
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TRANSFERRING between bases, I was having some of my belongings packed by civilian movers at my mother’s house in Massachusetts. One packer noticed my military attire and asked if I was in the Army. I told him I was in the Air Force. “Army, Air Force, same difference!” he retorted. “I wouldn’t be able to put up with all that `yes-sir-no-sir’ stuff.”
Just then, his boss upstairs hollered, “Get me the tape from the truck!” — and the packer sheepishly hurried outside. – SSgt. Patrick L. Butler
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True bravery is arriving home late after a guy’s night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask:
“Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
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pic of the day: Baby bird

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Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him.
Bernie struggles to tell Morris, “My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She’s so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside.”
“What does she read?” asks Morris.
“My life insurance policy.”
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An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, she seemed upset.
“What happened, Mom?”
“I had to slap his face three times!”
“You mean he got fresh?”
“Unfortunately, no. I thought he might be dead.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
One day a poppa dog took his young puppy to the dog show.While there the poppa dog entered himself in the show. Lo and behold, he came away with the blue ribbon for ‘Best of Show’.
On the way home the two stopped by the local pub to celebrate with a beer or two. The puppy drank sodas while his father had several beers.
When they got home poppa realized that they had left the ribbon at the bar. The puppy said, “You’ve had enough to drink, Pop. I’ll run back for it.”
When he climbed up onto the bar stool the bartender asked, “What’ll you have?”
The puppy replied, “Pap’s Blue Ribbon.”
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Wife, reading newspaper, to husband: “Listen to this: There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his girl friend for a season ticket to the Red Wings Stadium.”
Husband, not looking up from his magazine: “Hmmm …”
“Would you swap me for a season ticket?”
“Absolutely not.”
“How sweet! Tell me why not.”
“Season’s almost over.”
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A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup. She peels it off and starts screaming, “I get a motorhome! I get a motorhome!”
The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.”
But the blonde keeps on screaming, “I get a motorhome! I get a motorhome!”
Finally, the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t have possibly won a motorhome because we didn’t have that as a prize.”
“No, it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motorhome!”
She hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads: “WIN A BAGEL”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Ever wonder about sharks and their babies?

As in, do they give birth to their young, or do they lay eggs.

The answer is… they do both. Some sharks lay eggs, but about 2/3 of all sharks give birth to live pups, as they’re called. ~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

LIFE LESSON: Only some people get what they want. Those are the people who show up to get it. – Dianne Houston
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Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

THE LAST WORD: By constant self-discipline and self-control you can develop greatness of character. – Grenville Kleise