Jokes and Trivia for June 4, 2012

We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time. – T. S. Eliot

TODAY – JUNE 4th- MONDAY

156th day of 2012 with 216 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression

*Hug Your Cat Day

*Old Maid’s Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1704 Benjamin Huntsman, Epworth, Lincolnshire, English inventor and manufacturer (crucible steel)
  • 1877 Heinrich Wieland, Pforzheim, Baden, Germany, biochemist (Bile acids research)
  • 1907 Rosalind Russell, Waterbury, Connecticut, actress (His Girl Friday, Aunti Mame, Mrs. Pollifax Spy)
  • 1916 Robert F. Furchgott, Charleston, South Carolina, chemist (discovered substance in endothelial cells that relaxes blood vessels, endothelium-derived relaxing factor)
  • 1924 Dennis Weaver, Joplin, Missouri, actor (Gunsmoke, McCloud, Gentle Ben, Duel, Stone, Buck James, Centennial)
  • 1926 Robert Earl Hughes, American man who became the heaviest known human (1,041 pounds)
  • 1928 Ruth Westheimer, German-born American sex therapist and author
  • 1930 Morgana King, Pleasantville, New York, actress (The Godfather Part II)
  • 1936 Bruce Dern, Kenilworth, Illinios, actor (Marnie, They Shoot Horses Don’t They?, The Cowboys, Silent Running, The Great Gatsby, Black Sunday, Coming Home)
  • 1937 Freddy Fender, San Benito, Texas, musician (Before the Next Teardrop Falls, Wasted Days and Wasted Nights)
  • 1937 Robert Fulghum, Waco, Texas, author (All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten)
  • 1943 Joyce Meyer, St. Louis, Missouri, charismatic Christian author & speaker (The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word, Approval Addiction, The Power of Simple Prayer)
  • 1944 Michelle Phillips, Long Beach, California, singer (The Mamas & the Papas) and actress (Dillinger, Valentino, 7th Heaven)
  • 1952 Parker Stevenson, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor and director (A Separate Peace, Stroker Ace, The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, North and South )
  • 1956 Keith David, Harlem, New York, actor (Crash, There’s Something About Mary, Barbershop, Men at Work, The Thing, Pitch Black, voice – Gargoyles, Halo 2 & 3, Saints Row, The Princess & the Frog, Final Fantasy)
  • 1967 Robert Shane Kimbrough, Kileen, Texas, Apache helicopter pilot, astronaut (STS-126)
  • 1971 Noah Wyle, Hollywood, California, actor (ER, Falling Skies, Pirates of Silicon Valley)
  • 1975 Angelina Jolie, Los Angeles, California, actress (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Cradle of Life; Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Wanted, Changeling )
  • 1981 T. J. Miller, Denver, Colorado,actor and comedian (Gulliver’s Travels )

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There are no ordinary moments. There is always something going on.” – Peaceful Warrior

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1783 The Montgolfier brothers publicly demonstrate their montgolfière (hot air balloon).
  • 1812 Following Louisiana’s admittance as a U.S. state, the Louisiana Territory is renamed the Missouri Territory.
  • 1862 Confederate troops evacuate Fort Pillow on the Mississippi River during the Civil War, leaving the way clear for Union troops to take Memphis, Tennessee.
  • 1876 An express train called the Transcontinental Express arrives in San Francisco, California, via the First Transcontinental Railroad only 83 hours and 39 minutes after leaving New York City.
  • 1896 Henry Ford completes the Ford Quadricycle, his first gasoline-powered automobile, and gives it a successful test run.
  • 1912 Massachusetts becomes the first state of the United States to set a minimum wage.
  • 1913 Emily Davison, a suffragette, runs out in front of King George V’s horse, Anmer, at the Epsom Derby. She is trampled, never regains consciousness and dies a few days later.
  • 1917 The first Pulitzer Prizes are awarded: Laura E. Richards, Maude H. Elliott, and Florence Hall receive the first Pulitzer for biography (for Julia Ward Howe). Jean Jules Jusserand receives the first Pulitzer for history for his work With Americans of Past and Present Days. Herbert B. Swope receives the first Pulitzer for journalism for his work for the New York World.
  • 1919 U.S. Congress approves the 19th Amendment to the Constitution, which guarantees suffrage to women, and sends it to the U.S. states for ratification.
  • 1939 The MS St. Louis, a ship carrying 963 Jewish refugees, is denied permission to land in Florida, United States, after already being turned away from Cuba. Forced to return to Europe, more than 200 of its passengers later die in Nazi concentration camps.
  • 1957 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his famous Power of Nonviolence speech at the University of California, Berkeley.
  • 1974 During Ten Cent Beer Night, inebriated Cleveland Indians fans start a riot, causing the game to be forfeited to the Texas Rangers.
  • 1998 Terry Nichols is sentenced to life in prison for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.
  • 2001 Gyanendra, the last King of Nepal, ascends to the throne after the massacre in the Royal Palace.
  • 2004 Marvin Heemeyer’s (eventually suicidal) protest rampage with an improvised bulletproofed bulldozer destroys 13 Granby, Colorado buildings including the town hall.
  • 2010 Falcon 9 Flight 1 was the maiden flight of the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket, which launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station Space Launch Complex 40

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The minister of a well-attended, strong, and enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able to deal with any situation that might come up.

One Sunday, just as the minister was reaching the peak of his sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to the center aisle, started making loud beeps and brrrmms like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward him.

The minister stopped his sermon, pointed directly at his son, and commanded, “Jimmy, park the car immediately beside your mother on that bench (pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the keys.”

The sermon continued undisturbed after a good laugh by the congregation.

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ONE-LINERS: Sunday School students tell about the Bible:

— St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

— Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”

— It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

— The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

— A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

— The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

— One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

— When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

— St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

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pic of the day: Teddy and Turkeys

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

WHY I FLUNKED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL

I was all charged up to take Electric Shop, but I had a negative experience in that class. The light bulb above my head never lit up. I wasn’t very bright, and I wasn’t able to stay current. The teacher found my performance to be shocking and re-volting, but never electrifying, so he grounded me.

Home Economics. Well, to be honest, I couldn’t boil water without burning it.  My cooking just didn’t pan out, my cakes and pies were half baked, and, ultimately, my goose was cooked.

In Driver’s Ed I thought I was in the driver’s seat. I was placed in an accelerated course, but I was all over the road. I thought I got bad brakes, but the instructor told me I was shiftless, no good in the clutch, and unable to get it in gear.

In Phys. Ed. I just wasn’t fit for the class, and I wasn’t up to speed. I couldn’t learn the ropes, but I did climb the walls. I didn’t shape up, so I was shipped out.

I even flunked homeroom. I wasn’t exactly the class clown, but I was the class trapeze artist: I was always getting suspended.

(from  “A Tribute To Teachers”, �2011 by Richard Lederer)

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Minister to Sunday school student: “Do you know what’s in the Bible?”

“Yes. I know everything that’s in it.”

“That’s a pretty big claim for someone your age. Please, go ahead and tell me everything that’s in the Bible.”

“Well, let’s see … there’s a picture of my Grandma and Grandpa, a ticket from the dry cleaners, one of my baby curls, a Pizza Hut
coupon …”

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Q: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A: There’s no such thing as an elephant that has one hand.

Q: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
A: Very large hands.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: About Bubba

~Did you Know? Bubba is the Yiddish word for grandmother

~Famous Bubba: A character in the movie Forrest Gump made the name “Bubba” infamous.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Your friends don’t expect it, and your enemies won’t believe it.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell