Jokes and Trivia for June 17, 1010

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” — Mother Teresa

FOR TODAY – JUNE 17th – THURSDAY

168th day of 2010 with 197 to follow.

Holidays for Today:
* International Violin Day
* Eat Your Vegetables Day
* National Apple Strudel Day*
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1703 John B Wesley, England, religion co-founder (Methodists)
1867 John Robert Gregg, Ireland/American, inventor (shorthand)
1870 George Cormack, cereal inventor (Wheaties)
1910 Red Foley, Blue Lick Ky, country singer (Mr Smith Goes to Washington)
1932 Peter Lupus, Indianapolis IN, actor / bodybuilder (Mission Impossible tv series)
1943 Barry Manilow, Brooklyn NY, musician (Mandy, Can’t Smile Without You, I Write The Songs)
1943 Burt Rutan, Estacada OR, aerospace engineer (Voyager, Spaceship One)
1947 Linda Chavez, Albuquerque NM, author/ Fox News Analyst/ columnist
1954 Mark Linn-Baker, St Louis, actor (Larry Appleton-Perfect Strangers)
1957 Jon Gries, Glendale CA, actor (Roger Linus/Lost)
1964 Diane and Erin Murphy, Encino CA, actresses (Tabitha Stevens-Bewitched)
1965 Dan Jansen, West Allis WI, speed skater (Olympic gold 1994)
1966 Jason Patric, Queens NY, actor (Speed 2, The Lost Boys, The Alamo)
1980 Venus Williams, Lynwood Calif, tennis star
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
“Remember that time is money.” -Benjamin Franklin
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1856 Republican Party opens its 1st national convention in Philadelphia.
1863 Travelers Insurance Co of Hartford chartered (1st accident insurer).
1885 Statue of Liberty arrived in NYC aboard French ship `Isere’.
1894 1st US poliomyelitis epidemic breaks out, Rutland, Vermont.
1919 “Barney Google” cartoon strip, by Billy De Beck, premiers.
1928 Amelia Earhart leaves Nfld to become 1st woman to fly the Atlantic (as a passenger in a plane piloted by Wilmer Stultz).
1940 France asks Germany for terms of surrender in WW II.
1950 1st kidney transplant (Chicago).
1960 Ted Williams hit his 500th home run.
1972 5 arrested for burglarizing Democratic Party HQ at Watergate.
1982 President Reagan 1st UN Gen Assembly address (“evil empire” speech).
1994 Following a televised low-speed highway chase , O.J. Simpson is arrested for the murders of his wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
“That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”
“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

THULE AIR BASE, Greenland, at nearly 700 miles above the Arctic Circle, is the type of assignment known in the Air Force as “remote.” One afternoon the crew of a C-141 Starlifter impatiently awaited the arrival of a sewage-servicing truck, which had already delayed their takeoff by 20 minutes. At last the truck appeared, driven by a nonchalant airman who set about removing the plane’s sewage in an unhurried fashion. The aircraft’s commander, a full colonel, began furiously berating him for his lackadaisical attitude. Interrupting the commander in mid-speech, the airman heaved a sigh and said, “So what are you going to do to me, Colonel? I’ve got no stripes, I’m stuck in Greenland and I’m pumping sewage from your plane. How could you possibly make it worse?”
The colonel shrugged his shoulders, said, “I dunno,” and got back on the plane. – SSgt. John D. Liliedahl
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS : YOU MIGHT BE A FATHER IF….
…you hear yourself saying, “Go ask your mother.”
…you’ve ever used the expression, “Because I said so!”
…your favorite football team plays in the City Little League.
…your favorite expression around children is, “When I was your age….”
…you have to get down on your knees to receive and give a proper hug.
…in your garage, the smell of dirty diapers has replaced the aroma of motor oil.
…you no longer carry any meaningful amount of cash.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Sadie was divorcing her husband and her case was being heard in Court. The judge asked Sadie, “So how old are you?”
“I’m 45 years old, your Honor.”
“Please answer my question honestly. How old are you?”
“I’m 45 years old.”
“Clearly you’re not being truthful. It’s written down here that you were born in August 1945 and that means you’re almost 65.”
“I’m not counting the last 20 years with my husband.”
“Why not?”
“You call that living?”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Sphinx gordius (Apple Sphinx Moth larvae)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was attending. “I’m worried. I don’t know who my son can hang out with. He doesn’t have the kind of money all the other students have.”
The dean replied, “He can hang out with the faculty.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

As my son’s seventh birthday approached, his excitement was reaching fever pitch. As usual, Tommy was allowed to invite about a dozen kids who live on our block.
The morning of the big day, a woman called to say she couldn’t make the party. I must have sounded confused, so she added, “I’m Tommy’s teacher.” She paused, then said, “Didn’t you know he’d invited me?”
“No,” I said, “but you’re welcome to drop in later for a slice of birthday cake.”
After another pause, she said, “Did you know he asked the entire class… 33 children in all?”
I thanked her, hung up and turned to Tommy, who was fairly bursting with glee. I asked why he had done such a thing.
“I always wanted a surprise party, Mom! Are you surprised?”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
During a performance of the high school show, a hole cracked open in the stage floor. All the acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, came on juggling bowling pins. He accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.
His mother immediately ran to the front of the auditorium and apologized to the audience for her son’s clumsiness. She said, “Please excuse Freddy. It’s just a stage he’s going through.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

I was planning a career in biology but was not looking forward to taking chemistry. The professor, though, made the course interesting with his many small chemical explosions and crazy chemistry quizzes. Once, he posed the question: “What in the world isn’t chemistry?” and offered a prize to the student who correctly answered.
A couple of weeks passed. Finally, he announced in class that he had a winner. A student had gone to his office to ask if she could try her hand at the question. “‘What in the world isn’t chemistry?’” she asked. “My relationship with my last boyfriend…that wasn’t chemistry.” By default, she won.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A golfer took his tee shot and watched the ball sail into the woods. His next shot went into a few trees. He tried again and managed to hit the ball over the fairway and into more trees. Finally, after several more shots, he ended up in a sand trap.
Throughout his ordeal, he was under the watchful eye of the local golf pro.
“What club should I use on this shot?” he asked the pro.
“I don’t know,” the pro replied. “What game are you playing?
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Where in the United States is the offical time ball?

Located at one of the oldest scientific institutions in the United States, the time ball is on top of the U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington, D.C. It’s main mission is to give the U.S. Navy and the U.S. Department of Defense Positioning, Navigation, and Timing (PNT) information.

The time ball has a long history. As early as 1845, the U.S. Navy dropped a time ball every day at noon from atop a building on a hill overlooking Washington, D.C. People from many miles away could set their watches at noon. Ships anchored in the Potomac River could check their chronometers.

The U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington, D.C. is one of the few astronomical observatories located in an urban area. Of course, when it was first built, there weren’t so many buildings and light pollution. Because of that, most observations work is now done at the U.S. Navy’s higher elevation, United States Naval Observatory, Flagstaff Station (NOFS) near Flagstaff, Arizona.

Aside from its scientific mission, since 1974, the Observatory is the official residence of the Vice President of the United States
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

LIFE LESSON: “Fear of failure or success is one and the same. Both are fear of exposure. Not of our strengths, but of our weaknesses.” -Kevin W. McCarthy
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful – Ann Landers

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

THE LAST WORD: “I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.” – Thomas Jefferson