Jokes and Trivia for June 23, 2010

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” -Mohandas Ghandi

FOR TODAY – JUNE 23rd – WEDNESDAY

174th day of 2010 with 191 to follow.

Holidays for Today:
* National Pecan Sandy Day
* Typewriter Day
* National Pink Day
* National Columnists Day
* Take Your Dog to Work Day*
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1894 Duke of Windsor, [King Edward VIII of England]
1894 Alfred Kinsey, Hoboken NJ, entomologist and sexologist (Kinsey Inst. for Research in Sex)
1902 Dr Howard T Engstrom, Boston, a designer of Univac computer
1912 Alan Turing, British mathematician pioneer in computer theory (Turing Machine)
1929 June Carter Cash, Scott Co. Va, country singer (Johnny Cash Show)
1930 Donn F Eisele, Columbus Ohio, Col USAF/astronaut (Apollo 7)
1943 Vinton Gray Cerf, New Haven CT, computer scientist (“father of the internet”)
1946 Ted Shackelford, OK City, actor (Dallas, Knots Landing)
1957 Frances McDormand, Chicago IL, actress (police chief/Fargo, North Country, Raising Arizona, Mississippi Burning, Wonder Boys)
1964 Joss Whedon, NYC, producer, director, and screenwriter (Firefly, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
1969 Martin Klebba, Troy MI, actor/ stuntman (Pirates of the Caribbean, Scrubs, The Cape)
1972 Selma Blair, Southfield MI, actress (Cruel Intentions, Sweetest Thing, Liz/ Hellboy)
1974 Joel Edgerton, Australian actor (Star Wars, King Arthur, Ned Kelly)
1980 Becky Cloonan, Italy/American comic book artist (Zero, Channel Zero: Jennie One, East Coast Rising)
1984 James Thomas, Jr., Mobile AL, winner of Survivor: Tocantins
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“Worry is a sustained form of fear caused by indecision.” -Brian Tracy
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1611 Mutinous crew of Henry Hudson’s 4th voyage sets Henry, his son and seven loyal crew members adrift in an open boat in what is now Hudson Bay; they were never heard from again.
1683 William Penn signs friendship treaty with Lenni Lenape Indians in Pennsylvania; only treaty “not sworn to, nor broken”.
1810 John Jacob Astor organizes Pacific Fur Co (Astoria, Oregon).
1812 Great Britain revokes the restrictions on American commerce, thus eliminating one of the chief reasons for War of 1812.
1860 Congress establishes the Government Printing Office.
1868 Christopher Latham Sholes receives a patent for the Typewriter.
1926 The College Board administers the first SAT exam.
1938 Civil Aeronautics Authority (US) established
1961 Antarctic Treaty, which sets aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve and bans military activity on the continent, comes into force after the opening date for signature set for the December 1, 1959.
1989 The movie “Batman” premiers.
1991 Moldova declares its independence.
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then the operator hears the sound of a gunshot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”
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WHILE I ATTENDED helicopter flight school at Fort Rucker, Ala., students shared safety tips at the beginning of each class. “When checking the engine during start up,” one trainee suggested, “stand back and open the peephole with the fire extinguisher in case flames shoot out.” The rest of us assumed that he’d recently experienced a fire, because his name tag was burned and partially melted. “One other thing,” he warned, “take the name tag off your uniform before you put it into the clothes dryer.” – Fred W. Allen
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ONE-LINERS :
~ I knew my dog was smart when he brought his water bowl to me when it was empty. Still, I can’t help but think that had to be someone else who ordered “Benji” on my Netflix account.
~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know *why* I look like this. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
~ “What’s the first thing a little girl wants when she gets a new bike? A basket–she’s prepared to shop. What’s the first thing a boy wants on his bike? A bell or horn–he’s prepared for traffic.
~ “What’s the first toy a little girl wants? A doll–she’s prepared to shop with friends. What’s the first toy a little boy wants? A gun–he’s prepared for traffic.” –Jason Chase
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A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who raised their hands. A bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could really quote the entire psalm. The little girl came to the front of the room, faced the class, made a perky little bow, and said, “The Lord is my shepherd, that’s all I want.”

She bowed again and went and sat down.

That may well be the greatest interpretation of the 23rd Psalm ever heard.
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pic of the day:

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I tried a new recipe for corn-bread muffins using fresh corn. After tasting one, my seven-year-old son made no comment.
“Honey,” I asked, “did you notice anything different about my muffins?”
“Yeah, Mom,” he replied. “They’re not burned.”
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A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he’s getting sentimental because they’re celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, “No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he’d have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn’t marry you. Tomorrow I would’ve been a free man!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
One of the pups in the collie’s litter of had a strange appetite. The odd youngster spurned regular dog food, no meaty tid-bits could tempt him and he hated dog biscuits.
Just in time to save the little dog’s life, the owner found he would eat nothing but cantaloupes. He doted on them. His brother pups couldn’t understand this and they teased him unmercifully. He became the butt of their pranks until his tail would droop and he would whimper and shiver in a corner.
His mother, trying to comfort him, called him to her. She said, “Come to me, my melon collie baby.”
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It was so hot out Friday afternoon, I didn’t want to leave Shadow, my 120-pound Giant Schnauzer in the car while I went into the bank to get a cashier’s check, so I decided to take him in with me.
As I entered the bank lobby with the dog on a leash, I noted the bank guard’s startled reaction to my large wooly friend and asked him if it was okay to bring Shadow into the bank.
He responded, eyeing the animal apprehensively, “Yes, I suppose so, just as long as he doesn’t make any deposits.”
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IT WAS EARLY MORNING at Fort Ord, CA, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:
“Ames” “Here!”
“Jenson” “Here!”
“Jones” “Here!”
“Magersky” “Here!”
“Seeback” – “Seeback!” – “SEEBACK!!!” –
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant’s ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side. – Larry D. Wade
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Who named our space program Apollo?

Abe Silverstein, who headed NASA’s Space Flight Development Program, proposed the name Apollo for the space exploration programs in the 1960s. He chose that legendary Greek name because the virile Apollo was a god who rode through the skies in a magnificent golden chariot. The precedent of naming manned spacecraft for mythological gods had been set earlier with Project Mercury, also named by Silverstein.
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LIFE LESSON: Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
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There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face – Ben Williams

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

THE LAST WORD: We can be sure that the greatest hope for maintaining equilibrium in the face of any situation rests within ourselves. – Francis J. Braceland