A sense of humor… is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.-Hugh Sidey
FOR TODAY – AUGUST 3rd- TUESDAY
215th day of 2010 with 150 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*National Watermelon Day
*Grab Some Nuts Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1811 Elisha Graves Otis, Windham County, Vermont, United States, American who invented a safety device that prevented elevators from falling if the hoisting cable broke.
1860 W. K. Dickson, Le Minihic-sur-Rance, Brittany,France, Scottish inventor who devised an early motion picture camera
1867 Stanley Baldwin, Bewdley, Worcestershire, England, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
1900 Ernie Pyle, Dana, Vermillion County, Indiana, United States, American war correspondent was an American journalist who wrote as a roving correspondent for the Scripps Howard newspaper chain
1904 Clifford D. Simak, Millville Grant County, Wisconsin, United States, author (Minneapolis Star ‘s news editor ), Grand Master sci-fi author (City, Ring Around the Sun)
1909 Neal E(lgar) Miller, Milwaukee, Wisconsin,United States, American psychologist and neuroscientist who was the first to identify and promote biofeedback.
1915 Donald R(edfield) Griffin, Southampton, New York American biophysicist, known for his research in animal navigation, animal behaviour, and sensory biophysics
1916 Shakeel Badayuni, Badayun, Uttar Pradesh, India, Indian poet and lyricist (Baiju Bawra, Mother India, and Mughal-e-Azam
1916 José Manuel Moreno, La Boca, in Buenos Aires, Argentina, Argentine footballer member of the Argentine national team that won three South American Championships during the same decade
1920 P.D. James, Oxford, England, English novelist (mystery – Adam Dalgliesh series)
1921 Hayden Carruth, Woodbury , Litchfield County, Connecticut, United States, American poet and literary critic (The Voice That is Great Within Us, The Mythology of Dark & Light, Mother, The Sleeping Beauty)
1980 Brandan Schieppati, Newport, California, American singer (Bleeding Through)
1993 Yurina Kumai, Kanagawa,Yokohama Japan (member of Berryz Kobo)
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Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.-Voltaire
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
435 Deposed Patriarch of Constantinople Nestorius, considered the originator of Nestorianism, is exiled by Byzantine Emperor Theodosius II to a monastery in Egypt.
1492 Christopher Columbus sets sail from Palos de la Frontera, Spain.
1492 The Jews of Spain are expelled by the Catholic Monarchs.
1783 Mount Asama erupts in Japan, killing 35,000 people.
1860 The Second Maori War begins in New Zealand.
1914 World War I: Germany declares war against France.
1923 Calvin Coolidge is sworn in as the 30th President of the United States in the early morning following the death of Warren G. Harding the previous day.
1934 Adolf Hitler becomes the supreme leader of Germany by joining the offices of President and Chancellor into Führer.
1936 Jesse Owens wins the 100 meter dash, defeating Ralph Metcalfe, at the Berlin Olympics.
1949 The National Basketball Association is founded in the United States.
1972 The United States Senate ratifies the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.
1975 A privately chartered Boeing 707 crashes into the mountainside near Agadir, Morocco killing 188.
1997 Oued El-Had and Mezouara massacre in Algeria; 40-76 villagers killed.
2004 The pedestal of the Statue of Liberty reopens after being closed since the September 11 attacks.
2005 President Maaouya Ould Sid’Ahmed Taya of Mauritania is overthrown in a military coup while attending the funeral of King Fahd in Saudi Arabia.
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The doctor took Dan into the room and said, “Dan, I have some good news and some bad news.”
Dan said, “Give me the good news.”
“They’re going to name a disease after you.”
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A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well.
The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, “Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?”
The Doctor says, “You’re not drinking enough water.” ~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
ONE-LINERS : Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment:
* I don’t know what we’d do without you … but we’re certainly going to try.
* We told everyone you’re leaving because of illness. And that’s the truth: I’m sick of you.
* Its not that you aren’t a responsible worker. In fact, whenever there’s been a disaster it’s more than likely you were responsible.
* Today I’m going to mix business and pleasure. You’re fired!
* I’ve got good news for you: You won’t have to worry about being late for work ‘ever again’.
* Tell me – how long have you been with us … not counting tomorrow?
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An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”
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pic of the day: Goat Kid
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I was walking down the road with my blonde girlfriend when I saw a dog that only had one eye. I said, “Hey! Look at that dog with one eye!”
My girlfriend covered up one of her eyes and said, “Where?”
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Halfway through a romantic dinner out, my husband smiled and said, “You look so beautiful under these lights.”
I was falling in love all over again when he added, “We gotta get some of these lights.”
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After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. “About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?”
“Neither,” she said. “It’s a fish.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Q: What does a jogger use to wash his track shoes?
A: Running water
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Q: What do you call a cow spying on all the other cows?
A: Steak out.
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Q: Why don’t sheep have much money?
A: They’re always getting fleeced.
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Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone
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Grandiose: He’ll be sorry if he doesn’t pay back the GRANDIOSE.
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Lady Astor: “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
Sir Winston Churchill: “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
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My dog swallowed a quarter. In a panic, I called the vet.
“What should I do?” I pleaded over the phone.
My extremely laid-back vet answered calmly, “Swallowing a quarter is nothing to worry about. But if he does it again and a can of pop shoots out of his rear, give me a call.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: The World’s Largest Flower
FLOWERS are one of the beautiful things God has created. A flower adds color into our lives. When we are sad, look at the flowers it helps us brighten our day. There are flowers that are small and flowers that are big. Wanna know the biggest flower?
It is the Titan Arum. This is not only the world’s largest flower but it is also the world’s smelliest. This native of the central Sumatran rain forests is known affectionately as the Corpse Flower for its heady perfume of rotting flesh. It is 3 meters high (about 9.84 ft). Can you imagine that? Yes, it is big.
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LIFE LESSON: Life is not an easy matter…. You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness. – Leon Trotsky
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Insult of the Day: Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. – Leo Buscaglia
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