Jokes and Trivia for August 19, 2010

If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them. – Dalai Lama

FOR TODAY – AUGUST 19th – THURSDAY

231st day of 2010 with 134 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Aviation Day

*Potato Day

*Hot & Spicy Food Day

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

1646 John Flamsteed, Denby, Derbyshire, England, first English Aronomer Royal
1871 Orville Wright, Dayton OH, aviator (Wright Brothers
1686 Eustace Budgell, St Thomas near Exeter, Devon, England English writer (The Spectator)
1902 Ogden Nash, Rye, NY, humorous poet (I’m a Stranger Here Myself)
1906 Philo T. Farnsworth, Utah, inventor (electronic TV, Farnsworth–Hirsch Fusor)
1909 Joseph G(ilbert) Hoffman, New Haven, Connecticut, England, American physicist and biophysicist (Manhattan Project)
1913 John Argyris, Volos, Greece , Greek aeronautical engineer, one of the creators of the Finite Element Method
1921 Gene Roddenberry, El Paso Texas, executive producer (Star Trek)
1935 F Story Musgrave, Boston, MD, doctor, retired astronaut (STS 6, 51-F, 33, 44, 61, 80) public speaker
1938 Diana Muldaur, NYC, actress (McCloud, Star Trek Next Gen, LA Law)
1939 Alan Baker, London, England, British mathematician (Transcendental Number Theory)
1942 Fred Thompson, Sheffield AL, politician and actor (Senator from TN 1994-2003/ Law & Order, Life on Mars)
1944 Charles Wang, Shanghai, China, Chinese-born philanthropist (co-founder of Computer Associates International)
1946 William Jefferson “Bill” Clinton, Hope Arkansas, 42nd US President (D, 1993-01)
1947 Gerald McRaney, Collins Miss, actor (Simon and Simon, Major Dad)
1952 Jonathan Frakes, Bellefont PA, actor / director (Commander William T Riker-Star Trek NG)
1965 Kyra Sedgwick, New York City, New York, United States, American actress (The Closer, Singles, Something to Talk About , Phenomenon)
1965 Kevin Dillon, Mamaroneck, New York, American actor (Entourage)
1988 Travis Tedford, Rockwall, Texas, U.S., American actor (The Final )
1989 Romeo Miller, New Orleans, Louisiana, U.S., American rapper and basketball player ( 6^th album: Get Low LP)
1998 Ella Guevara, Quezon City, Philippines, Filipino actress (StarStruck Kids)

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I believe in the imagination. What I cannot see is infinitely more important than what I can see. – Duane Michals

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

1612 The “Samlesbury witches”, three women from the Lancashire village of Samlesbury, England, are put on trial, accused for practising witchcraft, one of the most famous witch trials in English history.
1768 Saint Isaac’s Cathedral is founded in Saint Petersburg, Russia.
1848 New York Herald breaks the news to the East Coast of the United States of the gold rush in California (although the rush started in January).
1919 Afghanistan gains full independence from the United Kingdom.
1934 The first All-American Soap Box Derby is held in Dayton, Ohio.
1940 First flight of the B-25 Mitchell medium bomber.
1953 Cold War: the CIA helps to overthrow the government of Mohammed Mossadegh in Iran and reinstate the Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi.
1960 Francis Gary Powers convicted of spying by USSR (U-2 incident).
1960 Sputnik 5 carries dogs Belka and Strelka, 40 mice, 2 rats and a variety of plants into orbit (later recovered alive).
1965 Japanese prime minister Eisaku Sato becomes the first post-World War II sitting prime minister to visit Okinawa.
1990 Leonard Bernstein conducts his final concert, ending with Ludwig van Beethoven’s Symphony No. 7.
1991 Collapse of the Soviet Union, August Coup: Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev is placed under house arrest while on holiday in the town of Foros, Crimea.
1991 Hurricane Bob hits the Northeast, United States.
2003 A car-bomb attack on United Nations headquarters in Iraq kills the agency’s top envoy Sergio Vieira de Mello and 21 other employees.
2005 The first-ever joint military exercise between Russia and China, called Peace Mission 2005 begins.
2009 A series of bombings in Baghdad, Iraq, kills 101 and injures 565 others.

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Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his Mom did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, his Mother said to him, “If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?”

“Oh, yes,” he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. “Now I can eat them all!”

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I had joined a weight loss organization. At one of the first meetings I attended, the instructor held up both a candy bar and an apple. Pointing to the apple, he asked what attributes the apple had that would help us lose weight. “Low in calories,” and “high in fiber” were two of the answers.

He then took comments on what was wrong with the candy bar and concluded the example by saying, “Apples are not only more healthy for you to eat, they are cheaper. Do you know I paid seventy-five cents for this candy bar?”

From the back of the room a small voice said, “I’ll give you a buck for it.”

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ONE-LINERS : Things your Mother would NEVER say…

– Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

– Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

– That outfit isn’t sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.

– Why don’t you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

– The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.

– Don’t clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.

– Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?

– Now, you don’t have to call me, I’ll eventually figure it out if you’re in trouble.

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Recently while we were eating lunch after church one Sunday, my youngest son asked me what the highest number I had ever counted up to was.

I said I didn’t know. Then I asked him how high he has
counted.

5,372,” came the prompt reply.

“Oh,” I said. “Why did you stop there?”

“The sermon was over.”

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pic of the day: Purple Clematis

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One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. “Dear,” said the mother diplomatically, “he doesn’t seem very nice.”

“Oh please, Mom,” replied the daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

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While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started talking.

He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we home-schooled them.

With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family. I said, “No, I also work … out of our home.”

Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in. “He was born at home,” I answered.

The man looked at me, then said, “Wow, you don’t get out much, do you?”

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A religious group opened a florist shop to help with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, so their business flourished. A rival florist, upset that his business was suffering, asked the Friars to cut back their hours or close down.
The Friars refused.
The other florist begged them to shut down.
Again they refused.
So the other florist then hired Hugh MacTaggert, the biggest, meanest thug in town. He went to the Friars’ shop, destroyed their flowers, trashed their shop, and warned, “If you don’t close down, I’ll return and finish the job.”
Totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms.
The moral: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

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Deep In the back woods, a hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

“Whoa there,” said the doctor, “Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. “Hold that lantern up, don’t set it down there’s another one!” said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

“No, don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s yet another one coming!” cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, “You reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ‘em?

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Michael Jordan, having “retired” with $40 million in endorsements annually, makes $178,100 each day, whether he works or not.
If he sleeps seven hours at night, he makes $52,000 while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $10, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
If he decides to have a five-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415 more than minimum wage.
If he wanted to save up for a new Jaguar XKR (app. $90,000), it would take him a little more than 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money together, they would have to do it at the rate of $200 per second.
He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100-meter dash in the Olympics, and $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
This year he’ll make more than twice as much as all the U.S. past presidents, for all of their terms, combined.
Amazing, isn’t it?

However, consider this: if Michael Jordan saves ALL of his income for the next 500 *years,* he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has at this very moment.
Game over. Nerd wins.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: TEA-rrific Benefits

Tea is the agricultural product of the leaves, leaf buds, and internodes of the Camellia sinensis plant, prepared by various methods. Tea is an aromatic beverage prepared from the cured leaves by combination with hot or boiling water, and is the common name for the Camellia sinensis plant itself.

Others make it a habit that after drinking water, tea comes next. This is the most widely consumed beverage in the world. It has a cooling, slightly bitter, astringent flavor which many enjoy. Consumption of tea (Camellia sinensis) has been suggested to prevent cancer, heart disease and other diseases. This also provides more than 15 per cent of our daily requirement of calcium and 10 per cent of folic acid as well as 45 per cent of our manganese requirement. According to others, this is a cheap and safe source for calcium.

Aside from these benefits, tea also is helpful to people who has smelly feet. Yes, tea is big help for this problem. How to do it? Just soak your smelly and tired feet in a tea solution and this helps to rid foot odor and soothes tired feet.

Check out the Advantages of Green Tea for more health benefits!

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LIFE LESSON: Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other. – Abraham Lincoln

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Insult of the Day: Don’t think, it may sprain your brain!

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

THE LAST WORD: A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe. – Wayne Dyer