Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. – Aristotle
FOR TODAY – SEPTEMBER 2nd – THURSDAY
245th day of 2010 with 120 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
*National Blueberry Popsicle Day
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1661 Georg Böhm, Hohenkirchen, Thuringia, Germany, organist, notable for his development of the chorale partita
- 1838 Liliuokalani, [Lydia Paki], Honolulu, Kingdom of Hawaii, last queen of Hawaii (1891-93)
- 1850 Woldemar Voigt, Leipzig, Saxony, German physicist (Voigt notation, Voigt profile, Voigt effect)
- 1850 Albert Spaulding, Bryon, Illinoios, baseball player/founded Spaulding sports company
- 1853 Wilhelm Ostwald, Riga, Russian Empire, Baltic German chemist (Ostwald process, Ostwald viscometer)
- 1913 Israel Gelfand, Krasni Okny, Odessa Oblast, Ukraine, Russian Empire, mathematician (Group Theory, Representation Theory, mathematical analysis)
- 1914 Tom Glazer, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, folk singer and songwriter (Because All Men Are Brothers)
- 1915 Meinhardt Raabe, Watertown, Wisconsin, actor, notable as Munchkin Coroner on The Wizard of Oz
- 1934 Grady Nutt, Amarillo, Texas, USA, American humorist, earned the title as “The Prime Minister of Humor”
- 1939 Sam Gooden, Chattanooga, Tennessee, USA, American singer (The Impressions)
- 1940 Jimmy Clanton, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States, American singer, known as the “swamp pop R&B teenage idol”
- 1948 Sharon Christa Corrigan McAuliffe, Boston, Massachusetts, teacher/astronaut (STS 25/ Challenger disaster)
- 1948 Terry Bradshaw, Shreveport, Louisiana, NFL quarterback (Pittsburgh Steelers)/announcer (CBS, FOX NFL Sunday)
- 1964 Keanu Reeves, Beirut, actor (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Speed)
- 1969 Cedric “K-Ci” Hailey, Charlotte, North Carolina, singer, American R&B duo, consisting of brothers Cedric “K-Ci” Hailey and Joel “JoJo” Hailey
- 1975 MC Chris, Libertyville, Illinois, rapper (Part Six Part Three , apple tummy)
- 1976 Phil Lipscomb, Ann Arbor, Michigan, musician (Taproot)
- 1976 Erin Hershey, Seattle, Washington, actress (Port Charles)
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Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. – Dale Carnegie
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1666 The Great Fire of London breaks out and burns for three days, destroying 10,000 buildings including St Paul’s Cathedral.
- 1752 Great Britain adopts the Gregorian calendar, nearly two centuries later than most of Western Europe.
- 1789 The United States Department of the Treasury is founded.
- 1859 A solar super storm affects electrical telegraph service.
- 1862 American Civil War: President Abraham Lincoln reluctantly restores Union General George B. McClellan to full command after General John Pope’s disastrous defeat at the Second Battle of Bull Run.
- 1901 Vice President of the US Theodore Roosevelt utters the famous phrase, “Speak softly and carry a big stick” at the Minnesota State Fair.
- 1925 The U.S. Zeppelin the USS Shenandoah crashes, killing 14.
- 1945 V-J Day; formal surrender of Japan aboard USS Missouri (WWII ends).
- 1945 Ho Chi Minh declares Vietnam independence from France (National Day).
- 1963 CBS Evening News expands from 15 to 30 minutes.
- 1970 NASA announces the cancellation of two Apollo missions to the Moon, Apollo 15 (the designation is re-used by a later mission), and Apollo 19.
- 1990 Transnistria is unilaterally proclaimed a Soviet republic; the Soviet president Mikhail Gorbachev declares the decision null and void.
- 1991 The United States recognizes the independence of the Baltic states: Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania.
- 1992 An earthquake in Nicaragua kills at least 116 people
- 1998 The UN’s International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda finds Jean Paul Akayesu, the former mayor of a small town in Rwanda, guilty of nine counts of genocide.
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After our friend had been a temporary Bachelor for a few weeks, we stopped by his home to visit him. My wife asked, “Are you eating properly?”
“Well, I do eat a lot of dog food.”
“Dog food! I can’t believe you would be eating anything like that!”
“Come to the kitchen and I’ll show you.” Opening the refrigerator door revealed a row of doggie bags from all the best restaurants in town.
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Ornate sign above a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF
HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.
Hand-printed sign on the door itself: THIS DOOR IS KEPT
CLOSED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.
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ONE-LINERS : THE WIT and WISDOM OF JOHNNY CARSON
~ “I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak out behind the barn and do nothing.”
~ “Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
~ “New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved.”
~ On Los Angeles: “We have two kinds of air: regular and chunky.”
~ “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
~ “Welcome to the Academy Awards, a glittering two hours of entertainment spread out over four hours.”
~ “People will pay more to be entertained than educated.”
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The first carload of Boy Scouts had left my house just minutes ago. As I was putting the finishing touches on packing up my own vanload of Scouts, bound for the wilderness and a three-day camping excursion, I noticed that someone from the first car had left a pair of hiking boots on the back steps and snagged them.
An hour later we caught up with the first car at a rest stop. Just after we figured out that no one had forgotten a pair of boots, my cell phone rang. It was my wife.
“Have you seen the plumber’s boots? They were on the back steps….”
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pic of the day: Cat Walking on Fence
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A dentist a nurse and a army general are flying.
The dentist decides to drop a tooth brush out of the plane. The nurse drops down a medical kit and the army general drops a bomb.
They land the airplane and see what happened…
First they found a guy looking for his false teeth.
Next they found a guy bandaging his wounds.
Lastly they found a young boy laughing his head off.
They asked him what happened and he said, “My grandfather farted and blew up his house.”
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There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman….
One day they came across a ladder and climbed up it… as one does…
At the top of the ladder there was a genie and she said: “As you go down this slide, shout out whatever you want to land in…”
So the Englishman shouted “Beeeeeeer”
The Scotsman shouts “Whisssskey”
And the poor old Irishman shouted”weeeeeeeee!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
“Doctor, Doctor!, you’ve gotta help me! I’ve been feeling very Chinese. I like rice, my face looks Chinese, and I even think in Mandarin!”
“Spin around seventeen times very fast.”
“It didn’t work. I still feel Chinese.”
“Yes, but now you’re disoriented.”
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There were three men on a hill with their watches.
The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke.
The second man threw his watch down the hill and it broke.
The third man threw his watch down the hill, walked all the way to the bottom, and caught it.
The other two men were puzzled and asked the third man how he did it.
The third man said, “Easy. My watch is 5 minutes slow!”
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A warthog hits this lady and the husband calls 911.
The operator asks, “Where are you at”?
The husband replies, “I’m on Eucolipstic Road.”
The operator asks, “Can you spell that for me?”
“Well… I’ll just drag her over to Oak so you can you pick her up there?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: It is all about the HORSE!
The horse is a kind of animal humans love to take care of. Horses and humans act together in ample variety of sport competitions and non-competitive recreational pursuits, as well as in working activities such as agriculture. Horses were historically used in fighting, from which a wide variety of riding and driving techniques developed, using many different styles of equipment and methods of control.
Most of the time, a horse has “monocular” vision. This means a different image is seen by each eye so that a horse is seeing two different pictures at the same time. A horse can also have “binocular” vision. Binocular vision is when both eyes work together to see one picture same as the humans. One important thing when taking care of horse is that we not walk up right behind a horse – you are in its blind spot and if you startle it you may get kicked. Remember, a horse has a wide range of vision. A horse can see completely around its entire body except for small blind spots directly in front of its face, underneath its head, and directly behind itself.
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LIFE LESSON: Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. – Thomas Edison
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Insult of the Day: We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes. – Benjamin Disraeli
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