The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. – Hans Hoffman
FOR TODAY – APRIL 29th – THURSDAY
119th day of 2010 with 246 to follow.
Holidays for Today:
* International Dance Day
* National Shrimp Scampi Day*
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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
1863 William Randolph Hearst, Danish American, publisher (San Francisco Examiner, Seattle P-I)
1893 Harold C Urey, Walkerton IN, physicist (discovered Deuterium, Nobel 1934)
1899 Duke Ellington, Washington DC, bandleader (Take the A Train, It Don�t Mean a Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing))
1908 Jack Williamson, Bisbee AZ, sci-fi author (Dean of Science-Fiction; Firechild, Golden Blood)
1933 Rod [Marvin] McKuen, Oakland CA, singer/composer (Alone, Beatsville)
1951 Dale Earnhardt, Kannapolis NC, NASCAR driver/”The Intimidator”
1954 Jerry Seinfeld, NYC, comedian/actor (Seinfeld)
1955 Kate Mulgrew, Dubuque IA, actress (Captain Kathryn Janeway, ST: VOY; Ryan’s Hope; Mrs. Columbo; Remo Williams)
1958 Michelle Pfeiffer, Santa Ana CA, actress (Scarface, What Lies Beneath, Up Close & Personal, Ladyhawke, Married to the Mob, Grease 2)
1960 Robert J. Sawyer, Canadian writer (Far-Seer, The Terminal Experiment, End of Era, Starplex, Flashforward, Wake)
1970 Uma Thurman Boston MA, actress (Baron Munchausen, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, Dangerous Liasons)
1970 Andre Agassi, Las Vegas NV, tennis player (former World No. 1 pro – won 8t Grand Slam singles & Olympic gold medal in singles. Won 17 ATP Masters Series tournaments, more than any other player. TENNIS Magazine has named him the 7th greatest male player from 1965 through 2005.)
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I have found power in the mysteries of thought. – Euripides, 438 B.C.
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
1429 Joan of Arc leads Orleans France, to victory over English.
1852 1st edition of Peter Roget’s Thesaurus published.
1862 New Orleans falls to Union forces under Admiral David Farragut during Civil War.
1945 Adolf Hitler marries Eva Braun in a Berlin bunker.
1961 ABC’s “Wide World of Sports, debuts.
1974 Watergate Scandal: President Richard Nixon said he will release edited tapes made in White House.
1992 Jury acquits Los Angeles police officers of beating Rodney King, riots begin
2004 Oldsmobile builds its final car ending 107 years of production.
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A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, “That’s not it” and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”
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Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”
“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.
“Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”
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ONE-LINERS : If They Made Toasters, Part II …
~ If Harley Davidson made toasters, they would be noisy and expensive and need frequent repairs, and only the coolest people would buy them.
~ If Apple made toasters, the first year they would cost a lot of money, but every year after a better one would come out for half the price and half the size of the previous year. Everyone would buy one, and by 2011 we would all have personal, hand-held toasters that we couldn’t live without.
~ If Baptists made toasters they’d all be waterproof — for total immersion.
~ If blondes made toasters they would be labeled, “Toast Goes In Here.”
~ If Kellogg made toasters they would snap, crackle and pop.
~ If the military made toasters they would have a 100 year surplus in warehouses throughout the country.
~ If Q (from Bond Movies) made toasters they would look like something else and they would explode in the wrong hands.
~ If the US Airways baggage handlers made toasters, your toast would end up in Cleveland.
~ If Las Vegas mad toasters, you’d have to put in a LOT of bread before any came back.
~ If the Mafia made toasters you would have to give them your bread or you*re toast.
~ If military contractors made toasters, they would coast $18,000 each, weigh 172 pounds, and burn the toast EVERY TIME!
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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me….I know we’ve been friends for a long time…..but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
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pic of the day: Waterlily in Okefenokee Swamp
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The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”
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During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?”
Tommy answered soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!”
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When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.” This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”
She replied, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men.’”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
My husband is always harping on us to stay within our budget, and complaining about our household costs, in general. This situation has only gotten worse since our twin boys were born. Everything is double: food, clothes, pediatrician bills, and lately he has even been griping about the amount of baby powder I’ve been buying. At least until I reminded him that … talc is cheap.
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A wife and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the next door backyard barking for hours and hours.
The husband jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this” and goes downstairs.
The husband finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, “Honey, the dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”
The husband says, “I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how THEY like it!”
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How to Handle Stress . . .
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called “the world.”
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water.
There now……feeling better?
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What does Aphrodite and oysters have in common?
The Greek goddess of love and beauty, Aphrodite was said to have emerged from the sea on an oyster shell. Because of this, oysters are now considered to be linked with eternal love. Roman emperors even traded oysters for gold, and the oyster has long considered a delicacy. They are highly nutritious.
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LIFE LESSON: We play the hands of cards life gives us. And the worst hands can make us the best players. – Doc Searls
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
THE LAST WORD: Nobody believes the official spokesman… but everybody trusts an unidentified source. – Ron Nesen
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