Jokes and Trivia for May 10, 2013

The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul. –  Johann Sebastian Bach

TODAY – MAY 10th – FRIDAY

130th day of 2011 with 235 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

* Golden Spike Day

* Clean Up Your Room Day

* Military Spouses Day (Friday before Mother’s Day)

* National Shrimp Day

* Confederate Memorial Day (North Carolina and South Carolina)

* Mother’s Day (Mexico, El Salvador, & Guatemala)

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ANNULAR ECLIPSE: On May 10th, the South Pacific sun will turn into a ring of fire as the Moon passes directly in front of the solar disk, producing an annular solar eclipse. At maximum, more than 95% of the sun’s diameter will be covered over parts of Australia, eastern Papua New Guinea and the Solomon Islands. Please check http://spaceweather.com for more information, including a live webcast from Cape York, Australia, which begins on May 9th at approximately 5 PM EDT.

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1788 Augustin-Jean Fresnel, French optics pioneer/physicist (theory of wave optics)
  • 1850 Sir Thomas Johnstone Lipton, Glasgow, Scotland, yachtsman/tea magnate (Lipton Tea)
  • 1897 Francis P. Shepard, Marbleheard, Massachusetts, marine geologist (studied submarine canyons, coastal processes, pioneered Pacific marine geology)
  • 1899 Fred Astaire, Omaha, Nebraska, dancer and actor (Top Hat, Easter Parade)
  • 1909 Maybelle Carter, Nickelsville, Virginia, country singer (Johnny Cash Show)
  • 1918 T Berry Brazelton, Waco, Texas, pediatrician (Brazelton Neonatal Behavioral Assessment Scale (NBAS))
  • 1922 Nancy Walker, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actress (Ida Morgenstern/ Mary Tyler Moore Show, Rhoda)
  • 1933 Barbara Taylor Bradford, English writer (Emma Harte saga, DeRavenel trilogy)
  •  1934 Richard Peck, Decatur, Illinois, author (A Year Down Yonder, Father Figure)
  • 1936 Gary Owens, Mitchell, South Dakota, disc jockey/TV host (Laugh In, Gong Show)
  • 1946 Donovan [Leitch], Glasgow, Scotland, guitarist/folk singer (Mellow Yellow)
  • 1947 Caroline Cooney, Geneva, New York, author (Face on the Milk Carton, Losing Cristina, Time Traveler’s Quartet)
  • 1948 Meg Foster, Reading, Pennsylvania, actress (Sunshine, Cagney & Lacey, Scarlet Letter)
  • 1956 Jonathan Roberts, Boston, Massachusetts, writer (co-wrote The Lion King, played Mufasa)
  • 1960 Victoria Rowell, Portland, Maine, actress (Dr Amanda Bentley-Diagnosis Murder, Drucilla-Young and Restless)
  • 1968 Erik Palladino, Yonkers, New York, actor (ER, Over There, U-571)
  • 1969 John Scalzi, Fairfield, California, writer (Old Man’s War, blog “Whatever”, Android’s Dream)
  • 1970 Gina Philips, Miami Beach, Florida, actress (Ally McBeal, Boston Public)
  • 1975 Andrea Anders, Madison, Wisconsin, actor (Joey, The Class, Better Off Ted)
  • 1976 Rob Malda, Holland, Michigan, internet writer/editor (Slashdot founder)

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Luck is merely an illusion, trusted by the ignorant and chased by the foolish. – Timothy Zahn

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1775 2nd Continental Congress convened in Pennsylvania (managed colonial war effort).
  • 1863 Confederate General Stonewall Jackson died 8 days after being shot by his own troops.
  • 1869 The First Transcontinental Railroad, linking the eastern and western United States, is completed at Promontory Summit, Utah (not Promontory Point, Utah) with the golden spike.
  • 1872 The first woman ever, Victoria Woodhull, was nominated for President of the U.S.
  • 1908 First Mother’s Day observed in Grafton, West Virginia.
  • 1924 J. Edgar Hoover appointed Director of the United States’ Federal Bureau of Investigation.
  • 1940 Winston Churchill succeeds Neville Chamberlain as British PM.
  • 1946 American V-2 rocket was successfully launched for the first time at White Sands Proving Ground.
  • 1949 First planetarium in the U.S. owned by a university opened at the University of Chapel Hill, North Carolina
  • 1954 Bill Haley & His Comets release “Rock Around the Clock”, the first rock and roll record to reach number one on the Billboard charts.
  • 1960 US atomic sub USS Triton completes first circumnavigation of globe under water.
  • 1962 The first issue of The Incredible Hulk published by Marvel Comics.
  • 1994 Nelson Mandela becomes the first black president of South Africa.
  • 1996 A “rogue storm” near the summit of Mount Everest kills eight climbers, making this the deadliest day in the mountain’s history. Among the dead are experienced climbers Rob Hall and Scott Fischer, both of whom were leading paid expeditions to the summit.
  • 2002 FBI agent Robert Hanssen is given a life sentence without the possibility of parole for selling United States secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds.
  • 2005 A hand grenade thrown by Vladimir Arutinian lands about 65 feet (20 metres) from U.S. President George W. Bush while he is giving a speech to a crowd in Tbilisi, Georgia, but it malfunctions and does not detonate.

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After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him — and got a woman.   “Is Mike there?” I asked.

“He’s in the shower,” she responded.

“Please tell him his girlfriend called,” I said and hung up.

When he didn’t return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. “This is Mike,” he said.  

“You’re not my boyfriend!” I exclaimed.

“I know,” he replied. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour.”

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ONE-LINERS: Camping Tips

 – Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
– A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
– The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
– When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
– Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
– A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
– A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
– In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

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A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, “Do you believe in the Devil?”

“No,” said Little Johnny. “It’s the same as Santa Claus. I know it’s my daddy.”

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pic of the day: Crab Apple Blossoms

Crab Apple blossoms

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Bee Mine

Q: Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?
     A: Because they kept droning on and on!

Q: What do you call a bee born in May?
     A: A maybe!

Q: What kind of bee can’t be understood?
     A: A mumble bee!

Q: Where do bees keep their money?
     A: In a honey box!

Q: What TV station do bees watch?
     A: Bee bee c one!

Q: What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
     A: Bee-hive yourself!

Q: Why did the bees go on strike?
     A: Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!

Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
     A: Because of the honey combs!

Q: What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet?
     A: A bee is an aeroplane!

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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc can I ask you a question?”
 
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it while it’s running.”

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I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
 
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!”
 
The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. “I don’t know about you, lady,” he said incredulously. “But I usually just put my car in park.”

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A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send your donations to the “Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation,” Dallas, Texas.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Second Continental Congress Facts

 ~ The Second Continental Congress was a convention of delegates from the thirteen colonies that started meeting on May 10, 1775, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, soon after warfare in the American Revolutionary War had begun.

~ It was the Second Continental Congress that adopted the United States Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776.

~ This Congress acted as the de facto national government of the new United States by the raising of armies, directly war strategy, the appointment of diplomats and the signing of treaties.

~ Benjamin Franklin of Pennsylvania and John Hancock of Massachusetts were new arrivals, not having been part of the First Continental Congress.

~ Forced to flee Philadelphia at the end of September 1777 as British troops occupied the city, the Continental Congress moved to York, Pennsylvania.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The five essential entrepreneurial skills for success are concentration, discrimination, organization, innovation and communication. –  Michael Faraday

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