Jokes and Trivia for October 18, 2013

“I try to live life so that I can live with myself.” ― John Green

TODAY – OCTOBER 18 – FRIDAY

291st day of 2013 with 74 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*No Beard Day

*National Chocolate Cupcake Day

*Alaska Day

*Persons Day in Canada

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1893 Georges Ohsawa, Japanese founder of Macrobiotics
  • 1897 Isabel Briggs Myers, American author (co-creator of personality test called Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)
  • 1902 Pascual Jordan, Hanover, German physicist (quantum mechanics and quantum field theory)
  • 1819 Camilla Williams, Danville, Virginia, operatic soprano (1st African American to contract with major American opera company – New York City Opera)
  • 1926 Chuck Berry, St Louis, Missouri, rocker (Roll over Beethoven, Rock and Roll Music)
  • 1927 George C. Scott, Wise, Virginia, actor ( Patton, Dr. Strangelove, The Changeling)
  • 1934 Chuck Swindoll, El Campo, Texas, evangelist (Insight for Living)
  • 1935 Peter Boyle, Norristown, Pennsylvania, actor (Everybody Loves Raymond, Young Frankenstein, Tail Gunner Joe)
  • 1939 Mike Ditka, Carnegie, Pennsylvania, football player, coach, and commentator
  • 1944 Katherine Kurtz, Coral Gables, Florida, sci-fi author (Series: Deryni, Adept, Tales of the Knights Templar)
  • 1949 Gary Richrath, Peoria, Illinois, musician (REO Speedwagon)
  • 1951 Pam Dawber, Detroit, Michigan, actress (Mork & Mindy, My Sister Sam)
  • 1951 Terry McMillan, Port Huron, Michigan, author (Waiting to Exhale, How Stella Got Her Groove Back)
  • 1954 Arliss Howard, Independence, Missouri, actor / director (Full Metal Jacket, Ruby, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Medium)
  • 1956 Martina Navratilova, Czech American tennis player (won 18 Grand Slam titles, 31 major women’s doubles, 10 major mixed doubles, women’s singles at Wimbledon 9 times)
  • 1960 Jean-Claude Van Damme, Brussels, Belgium, actor (Bloodsport, Universal Soldier, Kickboxer, No Retreat)
  • 1962 Vincent Spano, Brooklyn, New York, actor ( The Double McGuffin, Texas Rangers, Nevermore)
  • 1978 Wesley Jonathan, Los Angeles, California, actor (What I Like About You)
  • 1987 Zac Efron, San Luis Obispo, California, actor (High School Musical)
  • 1990 Carly Schroeder, Valparaiso, Indiana, actress ( Lizzie McGuire)

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“It is not the length of life, but the depth.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1648 Boston Shoemakers form first U.S. labor organization.
  • 1767 Mason-Dixon line, survey separating Maryland from Pennsylvania is completed
  • 1867 United States takes possession of Alaska after purchasing it from Russia for $7.2 million. Celebrated annually in the state as Alaska Day.
  • 1898 United States takes possession of Puerto Rico.
  • 1922 British Broadcasting Company formed.
  • 1925 The Grand Ole Opry opens in Nashville, Tennessee.
  • 1936 Adolf Hitler announces the Four Year Economic Plan to the German people. The plan details the rebuilding of the German military from 1936 to 1940.
  • 1945 The USSR’s nuclear program receives plans for the United States plutonium bomb from Klaus Fuchs at the Los Alamos National Laboratory.
  • 1955 New atomic subparticle called a negative proton (antiproton) was discovered at U.C. Berkeley.
  • 1964 The 1964-1965 New York World’s Fair closes for its first season after a six-month run.
  • 1967 Soviet probe Venera 4 reaches Venus and becomes the first spacecraft to measure the atmosphere of another planet.
  • 1968 The U.S. Olympic Committee suspends Tommie Smith and John Carlos for giving a “black power” salute during a victory ceremony at the Mexico City games.
  • 1977 German Autumn: a set of events revolving around the kidnapping of Hanns-Martin Schleyer and the hijacking of a Lufthansa flight by the Red Army Faction (RAF) comes to an end when Schleyer is murdered and various RAF members allegedly commit suicide.

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A cut-rate hair salon opened up across the street from the old established hair cutter’s place. The new salon had a big bold sign advertising “7 DOLLAR HAIRCUTS!”

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: “WE FIX 7 DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!”

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A police recruit was asked on an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”

In the blank, he wrote, “Call for backup.”

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Will Rogers, having paid too much income tax one year, tried in vain to claim a rebate. His numerous letters and queries remained unanswered. Eventually the form for the next year’s return arrived. In the section marked “DEDUCTIONS,” Rogers listed: “Bad debt, US Government — $40,000.”
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ONE-LINERS: Things To Do When Your ISP Is Down

1. Dial 911 immediately.

2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.

3. You mean there’s something else to do?

4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

5. Work.

6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

7. Get that kidney transplant you’ve been putting off.

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PIC OF THE DAY: Mischief in the Making
pic of maremma-pup-and-fowl

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

To make themselves attractive, witches go to the boo-ty parlor to purchase some scare spray and mass-scare-a.
Then they hop on their brooms and sweep through the Halloween skies. They avoid riding their brooms when they’re angry because they tend to fly off the handle. If their broom happens to break, they witch-hike or they
call broom service.

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde managed to break out of jail. They got a short distance from the prison when
the brunette said, “Let’s hide in that barn; they’ll never find us.”

So they climbed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.

The next morning, the cops said, “Come out with your hands in the air!”

The redhead said, “Hide in those baskets; they’ll never find us!” So the brunette got in the first basket, the
redhead got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one.

Meanwhile, the cops were setting up a ladder and climbing up to the barn loft. Once they got up, the sergeant
ordered the men to kick the baskets.

So the cop kicked the first one and a sound came from inside: “RUFF!”

“It’s just a dog!” yelled the cop.

The cop kicked the next one. The sound came: “MEOW!”

“It’s just a stinkin’ cat,” yelled the cop.

The cop kicked the last basket and the blonde yelled, “POTATOES!”

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There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: NO BEARD DAY

~Todays the day those of you who have beards get to shave it right off for a nice smooth clean shave.

~What is Shaving? Shaving is the removal of hair, by using razor or any other kind of bladed implement, to slice it down to the level of the skin. Shaving is most commonly practiced by men to remove their facial hair and by women to remove their leg, underarm, and pubic hair.

~What do you call a man who has no beard? A man is called clean-shaven if he has had his beard part removed.

~ Did you know that head shaving has also been used to humiliate, punish and show submission to an authority.

~Before the advent of razors, hair was sometimes removed using two shells to pull the hair out. Later, around 3,000 BC, when copper tools were developed, copper razors were developed.

~Alexander the Great strongly promoted shaving during his reign in the 4th century BC.

~Today, the average man will shave about 20,000 times between the ages of 15 and 75, which equates to five months.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The two most abundant elements in the universe are: hydrogen and stupidity.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead. Take control and choose to focus on what is important in your life. Those who cannot live fully often become destroyers of life.” ― Anaïs Nin

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