Jokes & Trivia for June 12, 2013

Why do strong arms fatigue themselves with frivolous dumbbells? To dig a vineyard is worthier exercise for men. – Marcus Valerius Martialis

TODAY – JUNE 12th – WEDNESDAY

163rd day of 2013 with 202 follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Red Rose Day

*International Cachaça Day

*National Peanut Butter Cookie Day

*World Day Against Child Labour

*Loving Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1851 Sir Oliver Lodge, Penkhull, Staffordshire, English physicist and writer (involved in the development of key patents in wireless telegraphy)
  • 1899 Fritz Albert Lipmann, Königsberg, Germany, American biochemist (Nobel / co-discoverer in 1945 of coenzyme A)
  • 1924 George H. W. Bush, Milton, Massachusetts, politician, 11th Director of Central Intelligence, 40th Vice President of the United States and 41st President of the United States
  • 1928 Vic Damone, Brooklyn, New York, singer and songwriter
  • 1929 Anne Frank, German-born Dutch Jewish diarist and Holocaust victim
  • 1930 Jim Nabors, Sylacauga, Alabama, actor / singer (Gomer Pyle on The Andy Griffith Show, Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C.)
  • 1937 Vladimir Arnold, Odessa, Soviet Union,  mathematician (Kolmogorov–Arnold–Moser theorem regarding the stability of integrable Hamiltonian systems, he made important contributions in several areas including dynamical systems theory, catastrophe theory, topology, algebraic geometry, classical mechanics and singularity theory)
  • 1953 David Thornton, Cheraw, South Carolina,  actor (The Notebook, 100 Mile Rule)
  • 1958 Rebecca Holden, Dallas,Texas, actor (April Curtis on Knight Rider; General Hospital)
  • 1964 Paula Marshall, Rockville, Maryland,  actress (The Wonder Years)
  • 1970 Rick Hoffman, New York City, New York, actor (Leverage, Knight Rider (2008 TV series))
  • 1974 Jason Mewes, Highlands, New Jersey,  actor (Noah’s Ark: The New Beginning)
  • 1985 Blake Ross, Miami, Florida, software developer, known for his work on the Mozilla web browser
  • 1985 Chris Young, Murfreesboro, Tennessee, musician (Drinkin’ Me Lonely, You’re Gonna Love Me)

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But all endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time. – Mitch Albom

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1864 Ulysses S. Grant gives the Confederate forces under Robert E. Lee a victory when he pulls his Union troops from their positions at Cold Harbor, Virginia and moves south.
  • 1939 The Baseball Hall of Fame opens in Cooperstown, New York.
  • 1942 Holocaust: Anne Frank receives a diary for her thirteenth birthday.
  • 1967 The United States Supreme Court in Loving v. Virginia declares all U.S. state laws which prohibit interracial marriage to be unconstitutional.
  • 1967 Venera program: Venera 4 is launched (it will become the first space probe to enter another planet’s atmosphere and successfully return data).
  • 1978 David Berkowitz, the “Son of Sam” killer in New York City, is sentenced to 365 years in prison for six killings.
  • 1979 Bryan Allen wins the second Kremer prize for a man powered flight across the English Channel in the Gossamer Albatross.
  • 1994 Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman are murdered outside her home in Los Angeles, California. O.J. Simpson is later acquitted of the killings, but is held liable in wrongful death civil suit.
  • 1994 The Boeing 777, the world’s largest twinjet, makes its first flight.
  • 1997 Queen Elizabeth II reopens the Globe Theatre in London.
  • 1999 Kosovo War: Operation Joint Guardian begins when a NATO-led United Nations peacekeeping force (KFor) enters the province of Kosovo in Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.
  • 2000 Sandro Rosa do Nascimento takes hostages while robbing Bus #174 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; the highly-publicized standoff becomes a media circus and ends with the death of do Nascimento and a hostage.

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A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.

The carpenter replied, “Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches.”

“What? How come you are so sure of that distance?” asked the lawyer.

“Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!” replied the carpenter.

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Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what colour are the bus drivers eyes?

A: The same as yours.  Remember, you’re the bus driver!

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Years ago famed Chicago Bears coach George Halas was screaming at a referee from outside the designated coaching area when the ref slapped George with a 5 yard penalty.

Halas threw down his hat and yelled at the referee, “You imbecile, it’s a fifteen yard penalty, not a five yarder for coaching outside the box!”
To which the referee supposedly replied, “I know, but the way you coach George, it’ll only be five”.

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 ONE-LINERS: More New Old Sayings

– Anywhere you hang your @ is home.

– The e-mail of the species is deadlier than the mail.

– A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

– You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.

– Great groups from little icons grow.

– Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

– C:\ is the root of all directories.

– Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.

– Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

– The modem is the message.

– Too many clicks spoil the browse.

– The geek shall inherit the earth.

– A chat has nine lives.

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pic of the day: Red Roses

image of red roses

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

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There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner you find Batman. In the third corner you find Spiderman. And in the fourth corner you find a gorgeous, extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with a ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold. Who gets to the pot of gold first?

A: None, because none of these characters exist.

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Trying to do my share to help the environment, I set up a trash basket at my church and posted above it this suggestion: “Empty water bottles here.”

I should have been a little more specific, because when I went to check it later, I didn’t find any bottles in it. But it was full of water.

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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost $5,000. Because if a bullet cost $5,000, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders. That’d be it. Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, ”Darn, he must have did something. Shoot, they put $20,000 worth of bullets in his butt.”

People would think before they killed somebody, if a bullet cost $5,000.

”Man, l would blow your freaking head off, if l could afford it. l’m gonna get me another job, l’m gonna start saving some money, and you’re a dead man! You better hope l can’t get no bullets on layaway.”

So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you won’t have to go to no doctor to get it taken out. Whoever shot you would take their bullet back. ”l believe you got my property.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Peanut Butter Cookies!

~In 1897 a notice under “Recent Inventions” in Popular Science News said peanut butter could be used as a replacement  for butter and lard in recipes.

~In 1884 Marcellus Gilmore Edson of Montreal, Quebec, Canada invented a new process for milling roasted peanuts. With his new hot grinding method the peanuts were ground into “a fluid or semi-fluid state” that became the “consistency like that of butter, lard, or ointment” when it cooled.

~In 1895 and 1897, J.H. Kellogg of breakfast cereal fame and his brother W.K. Kellogg invented their own process for making a ‘pasty adhesive substance’ that Kellogg called ‘nut-butter’.

~Mrs. Rorer’s New Cook Book (1902, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) published the first cookie recipe with peanut butter.  The “Peanut Wafers” was a recipe for a thin cookie that used “a half cup of peanut meal with a half cup of peanut butter”.  The peanut butter was used as the shortening in this recipe.

~The earliest actual use of the term “peanut butter” in a cookie recipe was for “Prune Peanut Butter Cookies” in the Newark Sunday Call on September 19, 1913.

~The 1933 edition of the Pillsbury’s Balanced Recipes called for cooks to use a fork to press the peanut butter cookie flat, popularizing this method.

~~The type of peanut butter cookie recipes common today were perfected in the 1930’s.

          (info from New England Recipes)

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Purchase not friends by gifts; when thou ceasest to give, such will cease to love. – Thomas Fuller

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