Jokes & Trivia for June 20, 2013

“People are very quick to ridicule others for showing fear. But we rarely know the secret springboards behind human action. The man who shows great fear today may be tomorrow’s hero. Who are we to judge?” – Audi Murphie

TODAY – JUNE 20th – THURSDAY

171st day of 2013 with 194 follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Ice Cream Soda Day

*National Vanilla Milkshake Day

*West Virginia Day

*World Refugee Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1861 Frederick Gowland Hopkins, Eastbourne, Sussex , English biochemist (Nobel / the discovery of vitamins)
  • 1894 Lloyd Hall, Elgin, Illinois,  chemist, contributed to the science of food preservation (amassed 59 U.S. patents)
  • 1909 Errol Flynn, Australian actor (Captain Blood, Robin Hood, Against All Flags)
  • 1924 Audie Murphy, Kingston, Texas, WWII hero/actor (Destry, Joe Butterfly)
  • 1924 Chet Atkins, Luttrell, Tennessee, guitarist (Me & My Guitar) / producer
  • 1928 Martin Landau, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Tucker: The Man and His Dream, Crimes and Misdemeanors)
  • 1936 Billy Guy, American singer (The Coasters)
  • 1942 Brian Wilson, Inglewood, California, musician (The Beach Boys)
  • 1945 Anne Murray, Nova Scotia, Canada, singer (Snow Bird)
  • 1946 Bob Vila, home improvement television show host (This Old House, Bob Vila’s Home Again, Bob Vila)
  • 1950 Lionel Richie, Tuskegee, Alabama, singer (Commodores)
  • 1952 John Goodman, Affton, Missouri, actor (The Big Lebowski, O Brother Where Art Thou?,  Monsters, Inc.)
  • 1952 Vince Gotera, San Francisco, California, poet, best known as Editor of the North American Review
  • 1967 Nicole Kidman, Honolulu, Hawaii, American-born Australian actress (Moulin Rouge!, Batman Forever, Happy Feet, Rabbit Hole )
  • 1971 Josh Lucas, Little Rock, Arkansas, actor (Poseiden, Sweet Home Alabama, A Beautiful Mind, Glory Road)
  • 1986 Dreama Walker, Tampa, Florida, actress (Gossip Girl, The Good Wife, Don’t Trust The B—- in Apartment 23)

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“Let each man hear his own music and live by it. The drums roll one way for one man, I guess, and another way for another. You have to listen to your own.” – Audi Murphy

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1782 The U.S. Congress adopts the Great Seal of the United States.
  • 1787 Oliver Ellsworth moves at the Federal Convention to call the government the United States.
  • 1840 Samuel Morse receives the patent for the telegraph.
  • 1863 West Virginia admitted as 35th US state.
  • 1877 World’s first commercial telephone service in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada by Alexander Graham Bell.
  • 1893 Lizzie Borden is acquitted for the murders of her father and stepmother.
  • 1919 150 die at the Teatro Yaguez fire, Mayagüez, Puerto Rico.
  • 1944 World War II: The Battle of the Philippine Sea concludes with a decisive U.S. naval victory. The lopsided naval air battle is also known as the “Great Marianas Turkey Shoot”.
  • 1948  Toast of the Town, later The Ed Sullivan Show, makes its television debut.
  • 1956 A Venezuelan Super-Constellation crashes in the Atlantic Ocean off Asbury Park, New Jersey, killing 74 people.
  • 1959 A rare June hurricane struck Canada’s Gulf of St. Lawrence killing 35.
  • 1963 “Red telephone” established between Soviet Union and United States following the Cuban Missile Crisis.
  • 1990 Asteroid Eureka is discovered.
  • 1991 The German parliament decides to move the capital from Bonn back to Berlin.
  • 2003 The WikiMedia Foundation is founded in St. Petersburg, Florida.

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I running a tennis camp for little kids. At the beginning, I talked to the campers about good sportsmanship. I asked “Can anyone tell me what a good sport is?”

A cute little 5-year-old raised his hand and said, “Baseball.”

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A four-year-old was showing a little friend the family photos that covered one wall in their basement. Out of sight but not
out of earshot, her mother overheard her say, “Here’s a picture of my mommy when she was a little girl. I wasn’t there, but people say she used to be nice.”

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ONE-LINERS: How To Speak Chinese
It helps if you say each one out loud:

That’s not right…………………. ……Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive?……………Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me asap………………………. …..Kum Hia Nao
Stupid man……………………………..Dum Gai
Small horse…………………………….Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?…………………Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table……………..Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift……………..Chin Tu Fat
It’s very dark in here…………………..Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet………… ….Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week… …Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight…………………. ..Lei Ying Lo
He’s cleaning his automobile……………..Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive…………… .Yu Stin Ki Pu

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While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.”

“It’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”

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pic of the day: An Old Country West Virginia Mail Pouch Barn in Early Winter

Barn with Mail Pouch Tobacco sign

PHOTOGRAPHER: ForestWander Nature Photography

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Boy mushroom to girl mushroom: “Will you go to the movie with me Saturday night?”

“No.”

“Why not? I’m a real fungi.”

“Yes, but you are a morel.”

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Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, “Wait here a minute, I’ll be right back.” He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street.

The other dog says, “What was that about?”

The dog first dog says, “Oh, I was just checking my messages.”

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THE HOKEY POKEY
Original Lyrics

Put your left foot in,
Your left foot out,
Your left foot in,
And shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey
And turn yourself around
That’s what it’s all about.

THE HOKEY POKEY
Shakespearean Style

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven’s yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke — banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, ’tis what it’s all about.

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“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points.  To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both.  The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.”

“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.

“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: West Virginia!

~West Virginia was legally opened to settlement by treaty with the Indians in 1768.

~It  became the 35th state in 1863.  West Virginia is the only state in the Union to have acquired its sovereignty by proclamation by the President of the United States, then Abraham Lincoln.

~The state has a legislature body drawn from 17 senatorial districts and 40 delegate districts.

~West Virginia is divided into 55 counties. All but five of the counties are older than the state.

~West Virginia’s earliest inhabitants were the mound- building Adena Indians, whose artifacts and impressive burial mounds are scattered throughout the Ohio and Kanawha River Valleys.  This includes the Grave Creek Mound located in Moundsville, West Virginia, the largest earth mound east of the Mississippi River and  2,000 years old.

~ The first organized golf club in America is in West Virginia. West Virginia continues that tradition today with 1884 Oakhurst Links in White Sulphur Springs.

~The first rural free mail delivery was started in Charles Town on October 6, 1896, and then spread throughout the United States.

~Organ Cave, near Ronceverte, is the third largest cave in the United States and the largest in the state.

~A variety of the yellow apple, the Golden Delicious, originated in Clay County. The original Grimes Golden Apple Tree was discovered in 1775 near Wellsburg.

~Outdoor advertising had its origin in Wheeling about 1908 when the Block Brothers Tobacco Company painted bridges and barns with the wording: “Treat Yourself to the Best, Chew Mail Pouch.”

~”Paws-Paws,” nicknamed the “West Virginia banana,” originated in the state and took their name from Paw Paw, Morgan County.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Was reviewing my day and realized there was a whole 15 minutes in the middle there that wasn’t wasted. So I
got a Twitter account. – Brad Osberg

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“Seems to me that if you’re afraid or living with some big fear, you’re not really living. You’re only half alive. I don’t care if it’s the boss you’re scared of or a lot of people in a room or diving off of a dinky little board, you gotta get rid of it. You owe it to yourself. Makes sort of a zombie out of you being afraid. I mean you want to be free, don’t you? And how can you if you are scared? That’s prison. Fear’s a jailer. Mind now, I’m not a professor on the subject. I just found it out for myself. But that’s what I think.” – Audie Murphy

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