Jokes & Trivia for September 24, 2013

“The great use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it.” – James Truslow Adams

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 24th – TUESDAY

267th day of 2013 with 98 follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Cherries Jubilee Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1501 Gerolamo Cardano, Pavia, Italian mathematician (His gambling led him to formulate elementary rules in probability, making him one of the founders of the field)
  • 1725 Arthur Guinness, Irish brewer (Founder of Guinness brewery business)
  • 1755 John Marshall, Germantown, Virginia, 4th Chief Justice of the United States (1801-1835)
  • 1801 Mikhail Vasilievich Ostrogradsky, Ukrainian scientist (researches of the motion of an elastic body and the development of methods for integration of the equations of dynamics)
  • 1870 Georges Claude, Paris, France, chemist and inventor ( industrial liquefaction of air, the invention and commercialization of neon lighting)
  • 1896 F. Scott Fitzgerald, St. Paul, Minnesota, author (The Great Gatsby, Tender is the Night)
  • 1912 Donald Porter, Miami, Oklahoma, actor (Gidget, Top Sergeant, Eagle Squadon)
  • 1925 Autar Singh Paintal, Indian medical scientist (made pioneering discoveries in the area of neurosciences and respiratory sciences)
  • 1930 John Young, San Francisco, California, retired NASA astronaut (9th person to walk on moon, 6 spaceflights (Gemini 3, Gemini 10, Apollo 10, Apollo 16, STS-1, STS-9), handled 4 different classes of spacecraft: Gemini, Apollo Command, Apollo Lunar Module, Space Shuttle)
  • 1936 Jim Henson, Greenville, Mississippi, puppeteer (The Muppets, Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, Dark Crystal, Labyrinth)
  • 1945 Lou Dobbs, Childress, Texas, journalist & author (Fox Business Network, CNN’s Lou Dobbs Tonight)
  • 1946 Charles “Mean Joe” Greene, Temple, Texas, football defensive tacker for Pittsburgh Steelers (considered one of the greatest defensive linemen)
  • 1958 Kevin Sorbo, Mound, Minnesota, actor (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Andromeda, Kull the Conqueror)
  • 1958 Steve Whitmire, Atlanta, Georgia, puppeteer (Kermit the Frog, Ernie, etc.)
  • 1965 Robert Irvine, Salisbury, England, celebrity chef (Dinner: Impossible, Worst Cooks in America, Restaurant Impossible)
  • 1969 Megan Ward, Los Angeles, California, actress (Freaked, Party of Five, Dark Skies, Boomtown, The Invited, General Hospital)
  • 1969 Shawn Crahan, Des Moines, Iowa, musician (Slipknot)
  • 1971 Mike Michalowicz, Boonton, New Jersey, entrepreneur and author (small business columnist for The Wall Street Journal, The Pumpkin Plan, The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur)
  • 1979 Justin Bruening, Chadron, Nebraska, actor (All My Children, Knight Rider, Ringer)

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“Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.” – William Shakespeare

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1789 The United States Congress passes the Judiciary Act which creates the office of the United States Attorney General and the federal judiciary system, and orders the composition of the Supreme Court of the United States.
  • 1946 Cathay Pacific Airways is founded in Hong Kong.
  • 1948 The Honda Motor Company is founded.
  • 1962 United States court of appeals orders the University of Mississippi to admit James Meredith.
  • 1968 60 Minutes debuts on CBS.
  • 1968 Swaziland joins the United Nations.
  • 1973 Guinea-Bissau declares its independence from Portugal.
  • 1979 Compu-Serve launches the first consumer internet service, which features the first public electronic mail service.
  • 1852 The first airship powered by (a steam) engine, created by Henri Giffard, travels 17 miles (27 km) from Paris to Trappes.
  • 2007 Between 30,000 and 100,000 people take part in anti-government protests in Yangon, Burma, the largest in 20 years.
  • 2008 The Trump International Hotel and Tower in Chicago is topped off at 1,389 feet (423 m), at the time becoming the world’s highest residence above ground-level.
  • 2009 The G20 summit begins in Pittsburgh with 30 global leaders in attendance. It marks the first use of LRAD in U.S. history.

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“Bubba! Come quicik! Somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”

“Did y’all see who it was?”

“I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

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The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.

“Does the hole go all the way through?” “Yes.”

“Did it hurt?” “Just a little.”

“Did they stick a needle through your ears?” “No, they used a special gun.”

Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, “How far away did they stand?”

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ONE-LINERS: Science by Kids

~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

~ Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

~ Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

~ Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

~ Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

~ The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.

~ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

~ Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.

~ The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

~ The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

~ A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

~ The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

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Greandma was taking her first flight. The plane had only been aloft a few minutes when the old lady complained to
the flight attendant that her ears were popping.

The stewardess smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the
same discomfort.

When they landed, Grandma thanked the flight attendant. “The chewing gum worked fine,” she said. “Now that we’ve
arrived, would you tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?

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pic of the day:Rhododendron Blooms

rhododendron_4390

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A 20-year-old Ohio man has been charged with public indecency after he allegedly streaked at the Cleveland Browns – Detroit Lions contest last month.

What’s the big deal? After all, it was an exhibition game.

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At a restaurant where the walls were plastered with movie memorabilia. I found my 11-year-old daughter staring at a poster of Superman, standing in a phone booth. She looked puzzled.

“She doesn’t know who Superman is?” I whispered to my husband.

“Worse,” he replied. “She doesn’t know what a phone booth is.”

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The flight attendant approached a gentleman who was voicing his complains rather loudly. “Yes, Sir?”

“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie, and
there are no window blinds, so I can’t sleep.”

“Shut up and pretend to be busy, Captain.”

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I called my friend on her 100th birthday. “How are you going to celebrate?” I asked.

“My children are coming for the weekend.”

“You must be looking forward to that!”

“Yes, but it’s a lot of work, washing the floors and making up their beds for them.”

“Why don’t you wait and have the children do it?”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t do that. They’re in their 80s!”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Never judge a book by its movie. – JW Eagan

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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