July 1, 2014

“I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind.” ― John G. Diefenbaker

TODAY – JULY 1st – TUESDAY

182nd day of 2014 with 183 to follow.

Holidays for Today:


*Canada Day
.
.
*Creative Ice Cream Flavor Days

*National Gingersnap Day

*International Joke Day

*International Tartan Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1869 William Strunk Jr., Cincinnati, Ohio, grammarian (Elements of Style)
  • 1903 Amy Johnson, British female aviator who first achieved fame as a result of her attempt (1930) to set a record for solo flight from London to Darwin, Australia, although she missed that record by three days
  • 1912 David Brower, Berkeley, California, environmentalist/president (Sierra Club, Friends of Earth)
  • 1934 Jamie Farr, Toledo, Ohio, actor (Klinger-M*A*S*H, AfterMASH)
  • 1939 Karen Black, Park Ridge, Illinois, actress (Easy Rider, Family Plot, Five Easy Pieces, Firecracker)
  • 1941 Alfred G. Gilman, New Haven, Connecticut, pharmacologist (Nobel / research in G proteins molecules)
  • 1942 Genevieve Bujold, Montreal, Quebec, Canadian actress (King of Hearts, Choose Me, Coma)
  • 1952 Dan Aykroyd, Ottawa, Ontario, Canadiean comedian/actor (SNL, Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters, Dragnet)
  • 1961 Diana, Princess of Wales (d. 1997)
  • 1961 Carl Lewis, Birmingham, Alabama, Olympic track & field star (Gold-1984, 1988)
  • 1962 Dominic Keating, Leicester, UK, actor (Malcolm Reed in Star Trek Enterprise)
  • 1966 Patrick McEnroe, Manhasset NY, tennis star
  • 1967 Pamela Anderson, Canadian model / actress (Baywatch, Home Improvement, V.I.P., Stacked, Dancing with the Stars 10)
  • 1977 Liv Tyler, NYC, actress (Lord of the Rings, The Strangers, Incredible Hulk)
  • 1982 Hilarie Burton, Sterling, Virginia, actress (One Tree Hill, Solstice, White Collar, Grey’s Anatomy)
  • 1988 Evan Ellingson, La Verne, California, actor (CSI: Miama, My Sister’s Keeper, 24, Complete Savages, Titus)

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Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1867 Canadian Confederation formed (New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Ontario & Quebec).
  • 1873 Prince Edward Island becomes 7th Canadian province.
  • 1874 The Philadelphia Zoo, the first zoological gardens in the U.S. opened to the public in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
  • 1886 First Linotype machine to be put into commercial use in the U.S. was installed at the Tribune newspaper of New York
  • 1898 Teddy Roosevelt & his Rough Riders charge up San Juan Hill.
  • 1899 Gideon Society established to place bibles in hotels.
  • 1901 U.S. National Bureau of Standards became effective.
  • 1910 First completely automatic bread baking plant in the U.S. was opened by the Ward Baking Company of Chicago, Illinois.
  • 1934 First X-ray photograph of the whole body using ordinary clinical conditions such as would exist at an average hospital was taken in a one-second exposure at Rochester, N.Y.
  • 1963 US postal service institutes the (Zone Improvement Plan) zip code.
  • 1966 Medicare goes into effect.
  • 1979 Sony introduces the Walkman.
  • 1997 China regains sovereignty of Hong Kong, ending 156 years of British colonial rule.

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A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.

The carpenter replied, “Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches.”

“What? How come you are so sure of that distance?” asked the lawyer.

“Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!” replied the carpenter.

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Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus drivers eyes?

A: The same as yours. Remember, you’re the bus driver!

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The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!”
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: “NOW THERE ARE TWO!”

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ONE-LINERS: The Right Person for the Right Job . . . Looking for just the right employees? Try this simple personnel test. Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

– If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.
– If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.
– If they are waving their arms and talking aloud, send them to consulting.
– If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them.
– If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, computer information systems is their niche.
– If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they’re destined for the help desk.
– If they mention the good price for the table and chairs, put them in purchasing.
– If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, public relations would suit them well.
– If they are sleeping, they are management material.
– If they are writing up the experience, send them to the technical writing team.
– If they don’t even look up when you enter the room, assign them to security.
– If they try to tell you it’s not as bad as it looks, send them to marketing.

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A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.

Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.”

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

“Now what?”, the fellow asked the speechless pro.

“Uh… you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup” the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

The retiree replied, “Oh great! NOW you tell me!”

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pic of the day: Windmill at Steinbach’s Mennonite Village

picture of windmill

in Manitoba, Canada

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

One of the pups in the collie’s litter of had a strange appetite. The odd youngster spurned regular dog food, no meaty tid-bits could tempt him and he hated dog biscuits.
Just in time to save the little dog’s life, the owner found he would eat nothing but cantaloupes. He doted on them. His brother pups couldn’t understand this and they teased him unmercifully. He became the butt of their pranks until his tail would droop and he would whimper and shiver in a corner.
His mother, trying to comfort him, called him to her. She said, “Come to me, my melon collie baby.”
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A friend and I stayed at a Chicago hotel while attending a convention. Since we weren’t used to the big city, we were overly concerned about security.

The first night we placed a chair against the door and stacked our luggage on it. To complete the barricade, we put the trash can on top. If an intruder tried to break in, we’d be sure to hear him.

Around 1 a.m. there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” my friend asked nervously.

“Honey,” a woman on the other side yelled, “you left your key in the door.”

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Rules for Good Housekeeping. . .
1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.
10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

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You might be Canadian if. . .

~ Your municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
~ You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so that you don’t miss Hockey Night.
~ You think Great Big Sea isn’t Atlantic-centric enough.
~ You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
~ You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada
~ You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards.
~ You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternately Gordie and Howe).
~ You know Casey and Finnegan are NOT a Celtic rock band or imported beer.
~ You know that the Canadian Alliance is just the Reform Party with better hair.
~ You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
~ You cried when you heard that “Mr Dress Up” died recently.
~ You brag to Americans: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & more, are Canadians.
~ You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced “Zed”
~ You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
~ You perk up when you hear the theme song from “Hockey Night in Canada.”
~ You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
~ You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores before Christmas.
~ You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
~ The trunk of your car doubles as a freezer.
~ You can play road hockey on skates.

Q: What are the 2 seasons in Canada?
A: WINTER AND JULY!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. – Marilyn Monroe

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. – Jim Rohn

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