July 11, 2014

It is never too late to be what you might have been. –George Eliot

TODAY – JULY 11th – FRIDAY
192nd day of 2014 with 173 to follow.
Holidays for Today: *Cheer up the Lonely Day  *National Blueberry Muffin Day  *World Population Day
. . . The summer of 2014 will be bathed in moonlight as three perigee “supermoons” occur in consecutive months: July 12, August 10, and September 9. Full story here: JULY SUPERMOONS
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1767 John Quincy Adams, Quincy, Maine, 6th President (D) (1825-1829)
  • 1834 James Abbott McNeill Whistler, American-English painter (Whistler’s Mother)
  • 1882 Jim White, Mason County, Texas, cowboy, guano miner, spelunker, park ranger (discover & explorer of Carlsbad Caverns)
  • 1899 E.B. White, Mount Vernon, New York, writer (Charlotte’s Web, Elements of Style)
  • 1920 Yul Brynner, Russian-born actor (The King & I, The 10 Commandments, The Magnificent 7)
  • 1924 Brett Somers, Canadian actress (Match Game, Hollywood Squares, “Siress Belloby” in Battlestar Galactica 1978)
  • 1931 Tab Hunter, New York City, NY, actor and singer (Damn Yankee, The Life & Times of Judge Roy Bean, Polyester, Grease 2, Wild Bill)
  • 1953 Mindy Sterling, Paterson, New Jersey, actress (Frau Farbissina in Austin Powers movies, iCarly, A.N.T. Farm, Legit)
  • 1956 Sela Ward, Meridian, Mississippi, actress (Sisters, Once and Again, CSI: NY)
  • 1963 Lisa Rinna, Medford, Oregon, actress (Days of Our Lives, Host of Soap Talk, Contestant in 2006 Dancing with the Stars, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 5th season)
  • 1966 Greg Grunberg, Los Angeles, California, actor (Felicity, Lost, Alias, Heroes)
  • 1967 Jeff Corwin, Norwell, Massachusetts, conservationist (The Jeff Corwin Experience, Corwin’s Quest)
  • 1970 Justin Chambers, Springfield, Ohio, actor (Grey’s Anatomy, Cold Case, Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox)
  • 1972 Michael Rosenbaum, Oceanside, New York, actor (Lex Luthor on Smallville, Justice League,  Jackie Chan Adventures, Breaking In)
  • 1980 Kevin Powers, Richmond, Virginia, soldier and author (The Yellow Birds)
  • 1990 Connor Paolo, New York City, New York, actor (One Life To Live, World Trade Center, Gossip Girl, Revenge)

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I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse. – Florence Nightingale
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1796 The United States takes possession of Detroit from Great Britain under terms of the Jay Treaty.
  • 1798 The United States Marine Corps is re-established; they had been disbanded after the American Revolutionary War.
  • 1804 Vice President Aaron Burr kills Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton in a pistol duel.
  • 1859 A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens is published.
  • 1859 Westminster’s Big Ben rang for the first time in London.
  • 1914 Babe Ruth debuts in Major league baseball.
  • 1921 Former US President William Howard Taft sworn in as 10th Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, becoming the only person to ever be both President and Chief Justice.
  • 1960 To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee is first published.
  • 1962 First transatlantic satellite television transmission.
  • 1977 Martin Luther King Jr. is posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
  • 1979 The space station Skylab returns to Earth.
  • 2012 Discovery of Styx, the fifth moon of Pluto announced by astronomers.

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David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station.
After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.
Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn’t find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.
Sure enough, he hadn’t been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.
“Great,” David thought, “I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits.
“And this one’s even better because it locks!”
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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!”
“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!”
“I know, I know!” said Joanna. “But what am I going to do with the BODY?”
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ONE-LINERS: Pondering the Imponderable
– What was the best thing before sliced bread?
– One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
– Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
– How is it possible to have a civil war?
– If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
– If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
– Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?
– Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
– Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
– If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
– Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
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A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?”
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?”
“Nine…”
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pic of the day: Tabby Cat


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
  A street performer was taken to the hospital with burns on his face. Using only gestures, he explained to the Doctor that someone in the crowd was unhappy with his act and attacked him with pepper spray, which apparently reacted with his white face paint and caused the burns.
The Doctor shook his head and said, “A Mime is a terrible thing to mace.”
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Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, “A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.”
There was a moment’s silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, “Two thousand five hundred!”
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What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?
They are four ways you can lose your house!
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Wicked Comebacks . . .
– The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
– If you were any more stupid, you’d have to be watered twice a week.
– The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
– When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell.
– You may have a “full six-pack” but lack the plastic thing to hold it all together.
– Your set low personal standards and then consistently fail to achieve them.
– You’re depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
– Were I king I would not allow you to breed.
– You seem to have reached rock bottom and started to dig.
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Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls.
But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give them all a cow.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot (Earl of Rochester)
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “Woo hoo! What a ride!”

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