July 17, 2014

Only a stomach that rarely feels hungry scorns common things. ~Horace

TODAY – JULY 17th – THURSDAY

Holidays for Today:

**International Justice Day

*National Peach Ice Cream Day

*Yellow Pig Day

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1674 Isaac Watts, English hymnwriter (Father of English Hymnody, 650 hymns including Joy to the World and When I Survey the Wondrous Cross)
  • 1839 Ephraim Shay, Huron County, Ohio, inventor (designed the first Shay locomotive and patented the type)
  • 1889 Erle Stanley Gardner, Malden, Massachusetts, lawyer and author (Perry Mason series)
  • 1899 James Cagney, NYC, New York, actor (Penny Arcade, The Public Enemy, Angels with Dirty Faces, Yankee Doodle Dandy)
  • 1917 Phyllis Diller, Lima, Ohio, comedian and actress (Boy Did I Get a Wrong Number!, Eight on the Lam, The Private Navy of Sgt. O’Farrell)
  • 1920 Gordon Gould, New York City, New York, physicist (inventor of the laser)
  • 1921 Louis Lachenal, Annecy, Haute-Savoie, alpinist, one of the first two mountaineers to climb a summit of more than 8,000 meters.
  • 1935 Donald Sutherland, Candian actor (The Dirty Dozen, MASH, Klute, JFK, Commander in Chief, The Hunger Games)
  • 1952 David Hasselhoff, Baltimore, Maryland, actor and musician (Knight Rider, Baywatch, 11th season Dancing w/the Stars)
  • 1954 Joseph Straczynski, Paterson, New Jersey, author & television producer (creator of Babylon 5, Cursade, Jeremiah, Changeling)
  • 1973 Tony Dovolani, Albanian-American ballroom dancer (Dancing with the Stars, Shall We Dance?)
  • 1976 Eric Winter, La Mirada, California, ambassador for Operation Smile, actor (Days of Our Lives, Single with Parents)
  • 1978 Katharine Towne, Hollywood, California, actress (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
  • 1979 Mike Vogel, Abington Township, Pennsylvania, actor (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants )
  • 1986 Brando Eaton, Los Angeles, California, actor (Dexter)
  • 1987 Jeremih Felton, Sherman, Texas, R&B singer
  • 2000 Maria Aragon, Winnipeg, Manitoba, singer (YouTube video of her performing Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

When general observations are drawn from so many particulars as to become certain and indisputable, these are jewels of knowledge. – Isaac Watts

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1717 King George I of Great Britain sails down the River Thames with a barge of 50 musicians, where George Frideric Handel’s Water Music is premiered.
  • 1856 The Great Train Wreck of 1856 in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania, kills over 60 people.
  • 1867 Harvard School of Dental Medicine was established in Boston. It was the first dental school in the U.S.
  • 1938 Douglas Corrigan takes off from Brooklyn to fly the “wrong way” to Ireland and becomes known as “Wrong Way” Corrigan.
  • 1944 Port Chicago disaster: Near the San Francisco Bay, two ships laden with ammunition for the war explode in Port Chicago, California, killing 320.
  • 1955 Disneyland is dedicated and opened by Walt Disney in Anaheim, California.
  • 1975 Apollo-Soyuz Test Project: An American Apollo and a Soviet Soyuz spacecraft dock with each other in orbit marking the first such link-up between spacecraft from the two nations.
  • 1996 TWA Flight 800: Off the coast of Long Island, New York, a Paris-bound TWA Boeing 747 explodes, killing all 230 on board.
  • 1998 A diplomatic conference adopts the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court, establishing a permanent international court to prosecute individuals for genocide, crime against humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression.
  • 2007 TAM Airlines (TAM Linhas Aéreas) Flight 3054 crashes upon landing during rain in São Paulo. This is Brazil’s deadliest aviation accident to date with an estimated 199 deaths.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

“Reverend,” said the young man, “Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”

The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night’s sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me.”

“Why not?” he asks.

She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”

The husband says, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”

She says, “No, I’m definitely dead.”

He insists, “You’re not dead. What in the world makes you think you’re dead?” “Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: TOP 9 SIGNS YOU’RE AT A BAD BAPTISM SERVICE

9. The Coast Guard is involved.

8. The service is held at Splash Mountain Water Parks.

7. Pastor wears scuba gear.

6. As the baptism begins, the organist plays the theme from “Jaws.”

5. The preacher uses a “Billy the Bass” singing “Take Me to the River” instead of the traditional “Shall We Gather at the River?”

4. You keep hearing the pastor saying, “Oops! Honestly, sister; I didn’t know about that drop-off!”

3. The deacon board shows up with fishing gear.

2. Just as the choir starts to sing, Paul Hogan jumps out of the water and wrestles the preacher into submission.

1. Two words: Alka Seltzer
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”

“Yes”, the wife answers, “why do you ask?”

Frustrated, the man answered, “Put that darned cat on the phone. I’m lost and need directions!”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Black & White Cat

picture of black cat with white paws
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

GOLDEN OLDIE THE PUN ZONE!
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

“Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'”

One of the women spoke up immediately. “Does she cook?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the sunny Caribbean. They were discussing their great vacations when the lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

That is quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

The lawyer, quite puzzled, asked, “How DO you start a flood?

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A man happened upon a friend of his while walking down a suburban street. The man noticed that his friend’s car was total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. So, the man asked his friend, “What in the world happened to your car?”

“Well,” the friend said, “I ran into a lawyer.”

“Okay,” said the man, “that explains the blood. But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and all of the dirt?”

His friend replied, “Well, I had to chase him all through the park.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
QUIP OF THE DAY: Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *