July 18, 2014

Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality. ~ Alfred Painter

TODAY – JULY 18th – FRIDAY

199th day of 2014 with 166 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Caviar Day

*Nelson Mandela International Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1635 Robert Hooke, Isle of Wight, England, scientist (Hooke’s Law, Microscopy, applied the word ‘cell’)
  • 1811 William Makepeace Thackeray, England, Victorian novelist (Vanity Fair)
  • 1853 Hendrik Lorentz, Arnhem, Netherlands, physicist (Nobel / discovery& theoretical explanation of the Zeeman effect)
  • 1909 Harriet Nelson (Peggy Lou Snyder), Des Moines, Iowa, actress (The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet)
  • 1913 Red Skelton, Vincennes, Indiana, comedian (Clem Kadiddlehopper, Freddie the Freeloader)
  • 1918 Nelson Mandela, Union of South Africa, President of South Africa from 1994-1999, imprisoned for 27 years, winner of Nobel Peace Prize
  • 1921 John H Glenn Jr, Cambridge, Ohio, Col USMC astronaut (Mercury 6, Sen-D-OH) oldest person in space (1998, Discovery STS-95)
  • 1923 Jerome H. Lemelson, Staten Island, New York, inventor (famous for his submarine patents)
  • 1926 Margaret Laurence, Manitoba, Canada, author (The Stone Angel, The Diviners, A Jest of God)
  • 1929 Dick Button, Englewood, New Jersey, commentator/figure skater (Olympic gold-1948, 1952)
  • 1937 Roald Hoffman, Złoczów, Poland, Polish-born chemist (reaction mechanisms)
  • 1938 Ian Stewart, Fife, Scotland, musician (keyboardist, co-founder of The Rolling Stones)
  • 1940 James Brolin, Los Angeles, California, actor (Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, Westworld, Capricorn One, Dr. Steven Kiley on Marcus Welby, M.D., The West Wing)
  • 1941 Martha Reeves, Eufaula, Alabama, singer (Martha and the Vandellas)
  • 1947 Steve Forbes, Morristown, New Jersey, entrepreneur and politician (Forbes magazine)
  • 1948 Hartmut Michel, Ludwigsburg, German chemist, known for crystallisation of membrane proteins
  • 1954 Ricky Skaggs, Lawrence County, Kentucky, country & bluegrass singer and musician (Toy Hearts, 2 Different Worlds)
  • 1961 Elizabeth McGovern, Evanston, Illinois, actress (Ordinary People, Ragtime, Johnny Handsome, Downton Abbey)
  • 1967 Vin Diesel, New York City, New York, actor (The Fast and the Furious, Pitch Black, Chronicles of Riddick, Saving Private Ryan, Babylon AD)
  • 1979 Jason Weaver, Chicago, Illinois, actor (The Jacksons: An American Dream )
  • 1980 Kristen Bell, Huntington Woods, Michigan, actress (Polish Wedding, Veronica Mars, Gossip Girl, Heroes)

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“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” ― Nelson Mandela

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1914 The U.S. Congress forms the Aviation Section, U.S. Signal Corps, giving definite status to aircraft within the U.S. Army for the first time.
  • 1925 Adolf Hitler publishes his personal manifesto Mein Kampf.
  • 1955 The first Disneyland theme park, in Anaheim, California, officially opens to the public.
  • 1965 Russian satellite Zond 3 launched.
  • 1966 Gemini 10 launched.
  • 1968 The Intel Corporation is founded in Santa Clara, California.
  • 1984 McDonald’s massacre in San Ysidro, California: in a fast-food restaurant, James Oliver Huberty opens fire, killing 21 people and injuring 19 others before being shot dead by police.
  • 1986 A tornado is broadcast live on KARE television in Minnesota when the station’s helicopter pilot makes a chance encounter.
  • 1992 The ten victims of the La Cantuta massacre disappear from their university in Lima.
  • 1994 The bombing of the Asociación Mutual Israelita Argentina (Argentinian Jewish Communal Center) in Buenos Aires kills 85 people (mostly Jewish) and injures 300.
  • 1995 On the Caribbean island of Montserrat, the Soufriere Hills volcano erupts. Over the course of several years, it devastates the island, destroying the capital and forcing most of the population to flee.
  • 1996 Storms provoke severe flooding on the Saguenay River, beginning one of Quebec’s costliest natural disasters ever.
  • 2013 The Government of Detroit, with up to $20 billion in debt, files for the largest municipal bankruptcy in U.S. history.

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How do you know you’ve met a good tax accountant?

He has a loophole named after him.
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A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came to a tour in Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district. When they arrived to Battery Park the guide showed him some nice yachts anchoring there, and said, “Here are the yachts of our bankers and stockbrokers.”

“And where are the yachts of the investors?” asked the naive visitor.

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A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank God,” returned the taxpayer. “I thought you were going to want cash.”

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ONE-LINERS: Just Thinking. . .

My friend had the 24 hour bug for three days; go figure!

if at first you don’t succeed, go back and destroy all evidence that you even tried!

Just great! I finally get a genuine idea, and someone else thought of it first.

I am having an out of money experience.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.

I chose the path less traveled by, but only because I was lost.

If you throw a cat out your car window is it kitty litter?

I distinctly remember forgetting that.

The best things in life are free, but unfortunately that’s not the way the law sees it.

If at first you don’t succeed, try playing second base.

Success is not access to excess.

Great minds think like ME.

Two rules of success in life: 1. Don’t tell people everything you know.
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The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became the chauffeur for all and sundry. Every Saturday she would drive Reverend Mother into town for the shopping.

All went well till Bank Holiday weekend when the town was so packed with people and cars that it became evident that there was no earthly place to park.

‘Don’t worry, Mother,’ said Sister Lucy. ‘You go into the supermarket and I’ll drive round the block until you come out.’

Off sped the car, and Reverend Mother bustled round the store quickly, picking up all the necessary goods and then rushing back to the kerbside. There she stood for five minutes, ten, fifteen, twenty. No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could she be?

Eventually Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman.

‘Excuse me, officer,’ said she, ‘have you seen a nun in a red Mini?’

‘No,’ replied the policeman, ‘but these days nothing would surprise me!

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pic of the day: Dogs Resting in Grass

picture of 2 dogs
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. “I know that smart aleck Tex,” said the first. “He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.”

“Not Tex,” the second cowboy replied. “He’ll always be just a good ol’ boy. When he walks in, I’m sure all he’ll say is hello.”

“I know Tex better than either of you,” said the third. “He’s so smart, he’ll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now.”

Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, “Audi, partners!”
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The manager of a large corporation had a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go to a farm for several weeks to relax. After a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him something to do.

The farmer told him to clean the manure from the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working his whole life sitting in an office, it would take him over a week to finish the job, but to his surprise the manager finished the job in less than a day.

The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads off of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager would not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.

The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes.

At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty. The farmer asked the manager: “How is it that you so easily did such difficult jobs during the first two days, and now you cannot do this simple job?”

The manager answered: “Listen, all my life I’m cutting heads and dealing with manure, but now you ask me to make decisions.”

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A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors.

Satan explains, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice.”

So, the man opened the first door and saw a room full of people, standing on their heads on a concrete floor. Not very nice, he thought.

Opening the second door, he saw a room full of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Better, he thought, but best to check the last door.

Upon opening the last door, he saw a room full of people, standing waist-deep in excrement and sipping coffee.

“Of the three, this one looks best,” he said and waded in to get something to drink while Satan closed the door.

A few minutes later the door opened, Satan stuck his head in and said, “Ok, coffee break`s over, back on your heads!”

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The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”

The apprentice did just as he told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: A filing cabinet is a place where you can lose things systematically. – T. H. Thompson

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The number one reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbors. -Napoleon Hill

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