July 21, 2014

If you can dream it, you can achieve it. – Zig Ziglar

TODAY – JULY 21st – MONDAY

202nd day of 2014 with 163 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*I Forgot Day

*National Junk Food Day

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

  • 1620 Jean Picard, French astronomer (first person to measure the size of the Earth to a reasonable degree of accuracy)
  • 1810 Henri Victor Regnault, Aachen, French chemist, best known for his careful measurements of the thermal properties of gases
  • 1816 Paul Julius Baron von Reuter, German-born British journalist (founded Reuters news service)
  • 1864 Frances Clara Folsom Cleveland Preston, Buffalo, New York, 27th First Lady of the United States (1886-1889; wife of Grover Cleveland)
  • 1899 Ernest Hemingway, Oak Park, Illinois, writer and journalist (Nobel 1954 / The Sun Also Rises, A Farewell to Arms, The Old Man and the Sea)
  • 1920 Isaac Stern, Russia, violinist (debut SF Symphony)
  • 1923 Rudolph A. Marcus, Montreal, Quebec, chemist, known for electron transfer
  • 1924 Don Knotts, Morgantown, West Virginia, actor (Barney on Andy Griffith Show, The Apple Dumpling Gang, Three’s Company)
  • 1948 Garry Trudeau, New York City, New York, cartoonist (Doonesbury comic strip)
  • 1951 Robin Williams, Chicago, Illinois, actor and comedian (Mork and Mindy, Good Will Hunting, Good Morning Vietnam, Dead Poets Society, The Fisher King, Aladdin, Jumanji, Patch Adams, Robots, Night at the Museum, Happy Feet, The Crazy Ones)
  • 1956 Michael Connelly, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, author (detective novels and other crime fiction – (Harry Bosch series, Mickey Haller series, Jack McEvoy series, Blood Work, Void Moon)
  • 1957 Jon Lovitz, Los Angeles, California, comedian (Saturday Night Live )
  • 1960 Lance Guest, Saratoga, California, actor (Alex Rogan in The Last Starfighter, Jaws: The Revenge, The Jennie Project)
  • 1969 Godfrey, Lincoln, Nebraska, comedian (Soul Plane, Original Gangstas, Zoolander, and Johnson Family Vacation)
  • 1975 Christopher Barzak, Warren, Ohio, teacher & author (One for Sorrow (filmed as Jamie Marks is Dead), Wonders of the Invisible World)
  • 1978 Josh Hartnett, Saint Paul, Minnesota, actor (Pearl Harbor, Black Hawk Down, 40 Days and 40 Nights, and 30 Days of Night)
  • 1980 Sprague Grayden, Manchester, Massachusetts, actress (John Doe, Six Feet Under, Jericho, Sons of Anarchy, 24, Parnormal Activity, The Following)
  • 1983 Olamide Faison, New York City, NY, actor (Miles Robinson on Sesame Street)
  • 1989 Chelsie Hightower, Las Vegas, Nevada, dancer and choreographer (Dancing with the Stars)

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Dream big and dare to fail. – Norman Vaughan

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1861 American Civil War: First Battle of Bull Run – at Manassas Junction, Virginia, the first major battle of the war begins and ends in a victory for the Confederate army.
  • 1865 In the market square of Springfield, Missouri, Wild Bill Hickok shoots and kills Davis Tutt in what is regarded as the first western showdown.
  • 1873 At Adair, Iowa, Jesse James and the James-Younger Gang pull off the first successful train robbery in the American Old West.
  • 1877 After rioting by Baltimore and Ohio Railroad workers and the deaths of nine rail workers at the hands of the Maryland militia, workers in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania stage a sympathy strike that is met with an assault by the state militia.
  • 1904 Trans-Siberian railway completed which opened Siberia to colonization.
  • 1918 U-156 shells Nauset Beach, in Orleans, Massachusetts.
  • 1919 The dirigible Wingfoot Air Express crashes into the Illinois Trust and Savings Building in Chicago, killing 12 people.
  • 1925 Sir Malcolm Campbell becomes the first man to break the 150 mph (241 km/h) land barrier at Pendine Sands in Wales. He drove a Sunbeam at a two-way average speed of 150.33 mph (242 km/h).
  • 1949 The United States Senate ratifies the North Atlantic Treaty.
  • 1959 Elijah Jerry “Pumpsie” Green becomes the first African-American to play for the Boston Red Sox, the last team to integrate. He came in as a pinch runner for Vic Wertz and stayed in as shortstop in a 2-1 loss to the Chicago White Sox.
  • 1969 Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin become the first men to walk on the Moon, during the Apollo 11 mission.
  • 1997 The fully restored USS Constitution (aka Old Ironsides) celebrates her 200th birthday by setting sail for the first time in 116 years.
  • 2000 International group of scientists at Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced evidence for subatomic particle named tau neutrino.
  • 2007 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the fastest-selling novel ever, is published. It sold 15 million copies in the first 24 hours of its release.
  • 2011 NASA’s Space Shuttle program ends with the landing of Space Shuttle Atlantis on mission STS-135.

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A woman arrived at her local police department to report the disappearance of her husband.

“Do you have a photograph of him?” the desk sergeant inquired.

“Yes, I do,” the woman replied and handed one over.

The officer took a good look at it and then asked, “If we find him, is there a message you’d like us to give him?”

“Yes. Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”

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On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, “Are there any friendly bears listening?”

After a moment, another voice replied, “Yes, I’m a friendly bear,” and then another voice, “I’m a friendly bear too!”

At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link.

When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, “You’re not a very friendly bear, are you?”

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ONE-LINERS: Pet Care . . . Customer service representatives answer straightforward pet care and nutrition questions, however some calls can be quite unconventional as follows:

– “My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering…how many calories are in a mouse?”

– “I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?”

– “What should I feed a borderline collie?”

– “What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?”

– “Is it normal for a dog to shed?”

– “How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband’s toothbrush?”

– “My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it’s stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any suggestions?”

– “How can I get the secret recipe for your special dog food?”

– “How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?”

– “Your food turned my dog into a stud. Now what do I do?”

– “I have three cats. Is it true that a special brand of cat food makes the poop smell better?”

– “Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy’s teeth?”

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A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with the old rancher. “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”

“Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

“See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land! No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”

The rancher nodded politely. “I’m sorry,” and with that he went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams. He looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life with the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull in hot pursuit. The bull was gaining ground on the officer with every step and it seemed just a matter of a few more steps before the officer would be gored.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs: “Your badge! Show him your BADGE!!”

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pic of the day: Fringed Daisies

Fringed Daisies picture
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A little pig walks into a bar. He has a couple of beers, then asks the bartender, “Which way to the bathroom?”

“Down the hall, first door on your left.”

The pig visits the bathroom and leaves the bar.

Then another little pig comes into the bar. He also has a few beers, uses the bathroom leaves.

Later, another little pig follows the same ritual, and then another. The bartender thinks, “I’m beginning to see a pattern here.”

Finally, yet another little pig walks in. He has a few beers, gets up and starts to walk out. The says, “Aren’t you going to use the bathroom?”

“No, I’m going wee wee wee all the way home.”

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A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker.

“I win!” said Johnson.

Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!”

“How can you tell?” Phillips asked.

“Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”

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The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.

“Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘Why?’ She replied, ‘Because I love you.'”

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My wife and I were at my high school reunion.

As I looked around, I swept my fellow classmates with a critical eye, taking note of all the men in their expensive suits tailored over bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact I now weighed just five more pounds than I did in high school – mostly the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm – I leaned over and whispered to my wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore at graduation.”

My wife also gave the crowd a discerning look and then whispered back, “You’re the only guy who has to.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. – Dave Barry

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. – Leonardo da Vinci

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