July 22, 2014

If the wind will not serve, take to the oars. – Latin Proverb

TODAY – JULY 22nd – TUESDAY

203rd day of 2014 with 163 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Pi Approximation Day

*Hammock Day

*Ratcatcher’s Day

*Spoonerism Day

*National Penuche Fudge Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1844 Rev William Archibald Spooner, London, England, priest and scholar, invented “spoonerisms”
  • 1849 Emma Lazarus, New York City, New York, poet (“The New Colossus”- base of Statue of Liberty)
  • 1882 Edward Hopper, Nyack, New York, painter (House by the Railroad)
  • 1887 Gustav Hertz, German quantum physicist (Nobel 1925/inelastic electron collisions in gases)
  • 1890 Rose Kennedy, Boston, Maine, Kennedy family matriarch
  • 1893 Karl Menninger, Topeka, Kansas, psychiatrist (Dean of American Psychiatry)
  • 1898 Alexander Calder, Lawnton, Pennsylvania, sculptor (Invented the mobile, a kinetic sculpture with balanced or suspended parts)
  • 1898 Stephen Vincent Benet, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, writer/poet (John Brown’s Body, The Devil & Daniel Webster)
  • 1908 Amy Vanderbilt, NYC, New York, authority on etiquette (Complete Book of Etiquette)
  • 1914 Edward (Rolke) Farber, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, pioneer in electronic lighting (inventor of flash for cameras)
  • 1923 Robert Dole, Russell, Kansas, attorney and politician (Kansas Senator, Gerald Ford’s running mate in 1976 presidential election, Republican nominee in presidential election 1996)
  • 1928 Orson Bean, Burlington, Vermont, actor/comedian (I’ve Got a Secret, To Tell the Truth)
  • 1934 Louise Fletcher, Birmingham, Alabama, actress (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Picket Fences, Kai Winn Adami in Star Trek: Deep Space 9)
  • 1936 Tom Robbins, Blowing Rock, North Carolina, author (Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Another Roadside Attraction)
  • 1940 Alex Trebek, Sudbury, Ontario, Canada, TV game host (High Rollers, Jeopardy)
  • 1946 Danny Glover, San Francisco, California, actor (Lonesome Dove, Predator 2, Lethal Weapon, The Prince of Egypt, Fallen Angel)
  • 1955 William Dafoe, Appleton, Wisconsin, actor (Platoon, Roadhouse 66, Mississippi Burning)
  • 1965 Patrick Laborteaux, Los Angeles, California, actor (Little House on Prairie, JAG, 3 Ninjas)
  • 1967 Irene Bedard, Anchorage, Alaska, actress (Lakota Woman: Siege at Wounded Knee, Pocahontas, Into the West, Greasewood Flat)
  • 1972 Colin Ferguson, Montreal, Quebec, Canada, actor (Eureka, Lake Placid 3, Then Came You)
  • 1996 Skyler Gisondo, Palm Beach County, Florida, actor (The Bill Engvall Show, Halloween, B-Dawg voice on Air Buddies series)

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“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1587 An attempt to re-establish the deserted Roanoke colony on Roanoke Island (off North Carolina) is made as a second group of English settlers arrive.
  • 1686 Governor Thomas Dongan formally charters Albany, New York as a municipality.
  • 1796 Connecticut Land Company surveyors named an area in Ohio “Cleveland” after Gen. Moses Cleaveland, the superintendent of the surveying party.
  • 1894 In France the first ever motor race is held between the cities of Paris and Rouen. The fastest finisher was the Comte Jules-Albert de Dion, but The ‘official’ victory was awarded to Albert Lemaître driving his 3 hp petrol engined Peugeot.
  • 1916 A bomb exploded on Market Street in San Francisco, California, during a Preparedness Day parade killing 10 and injuring 40.
  • 1933 The first person to fly solo around the world was Wiley Post. He traveled 15,596 miles (25,099 km) in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes.
  • 1934 “Public Enemy No. 1” John Dillinger is mortally wounded outside Chicago’s Biograph Theater by FBI agents.
  • 1937 President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s proposal to add more justices to the Supreme Court of the United States is voted down by the United States Senate.
  • 1942 Compulsory civilian gasoline rationing due to the wartime demands starts in the United States.
  • 1942 As part of the Holocaust, the systematic deportation of Jews from the Warsaw Ghetto begins.
  • 1952 Patent for “Self-propelled sprinkling irrigating apparatus” to water large circles of crops issued to Frank L. Zyback of Strasburg, Colorado.
  • 1983 First solo helicopter flight around the world completed by Dick Smith.
  • 1989 Tony Aliengena became youngest pilot to complete flight around the world at age 11 years.
  • 1991 After police discover human remains in Jeffrey Dahmer’s apartment in Milwaukee, he is arrested.
  • 2003 Members of 101st Airborne of the United States, aided by Special Forces, attack a compound in Iraq, killing Saddam Hussein’s sons Uday and Qusay, along with Mustapha Hussein, Qusay’s 14-year old son, and a bodyguard.
  • 2005 Jean Charles de Menezes is killed by police as the hunt begins for the London Bombers responsible for the 7 July 2005 London bombings and the 21 July 2005 London bombings.

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Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman.

“Hey, aren’t you those three escaped convicts?”, asked the policeman.

Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said “no, I’m Mark, Mark Spencer.”

“The second followed his lead and said “My names is William, W H Smith.”

The third said “My name is Ken… Ken Tuckyfriedchicken!”

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My father, an Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.

When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook my father’s hand. “Don’t congratulate me, sir,” my father said modestly as he pointed to his driver. “It was all the sergeant’s doing.”

The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. “Congratulations,” he said. “The major’s wife just had a baby girl.”

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ONE-LINERS:
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you’re doing.
Defeat is worse than death, because you have to live with defeat.
It is incredible how much intelligence is used in this world to prove nonsense.
It is okay to be ignorant in some areas, but some people abuse the privilege.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Help! My Reality Check bounced.
How can there be self-help “groups”?
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
what kind of cruel, demented person put an “s” in lisp?
Just because I have a short attention span doesn’t mean I
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A lawyer charged a man $1,000 for legal services. The man paid him in cash with crisp new $100 bills. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that two bills had stuck together — he’d been overpaid by $100. The ethical dilemma for the lawyer:

Should he tell his partner?
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No matter how much the government fights it, organized crime just seems to get more organized every day. The police pulled in a Mob kingpin recently and reminded him he had the right to make a phone call.

“Just fax the arrest report to my lawyer,” the mobster said calmly.

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pic of the day: Here’s Your Sign…

picture of sign
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ How do you know policemen are strong?
Because they can hold up traffic.
~ Where did the little king keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!
~ Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Lemonade.
Lemonade Who?
Lemonade me introduce you to my friend!
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The Third Biggest Lie – Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the world’s third-biggest lie — right after “The check is in the mail” and “I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.” Here is a sampling from the thousands she received:

– “It’s a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock.”

– “Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height.”

– “You made it yourself? I never would have guessed.”

– “Of course I’ll respect you in the morning.”

– “You don’t look a day over 40.”

– “Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study.”

– “It’s delicious, but I can’t eat another bite.”

– “The new ownership won’t affect you. The company will remain the same.”

– “The puppy won’t be any trouble, Mom. I promise I’ll take care of it myself.”

– “Your hair looks just fine.”

– “Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there.”

– “You don’t need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee.”

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A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, “Who am I? ”
Ready to play the game she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?”
“WOW!” cried the child. “Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognize me!”

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GOLDEN OLDIE. . . I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. – Ronald Reagan

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . First, have a definite, clear practical ideal; a goal, an objective. Second, have the necessary means to achieve your ends; wisdom, money, materials, and methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end. – Aristotle

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