July 23, 2014

You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing, no one to blame. – Erica Jong

TODAY – JULY 23rd – WEDNESDAY

204th day of 2014 with 161 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Hot Enough For Ya Day

*National Hot Dog Day

*National Vanilla Ice Cream Day

*Gorgeous Grandma Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1775 Étienne-Louis Malus, Paris, France, physicist and mathematician (known for polarization of light Malus’ law)
  • 1885 Georges Matchabelli, Georgian prince (immigrated to America), diplomat & perfume manufacturer (Wind Song, Ave Maria, Princess Norina)
  • 1888 Raymond Chandler, Chicago, Illinois, author (The Big Sleep, The Long Goodbye, Farewell My Lovely, The Lady in the Lake)
  • 1901 Hank Worden, Rolfe, Iowa, cowboy turned actor (The Lone Ranger, The Searchers, The Alamo, McLintock, Rio Lobo, Big Jake, Twin Peaks)
  • 1906 Vladimir Prelog, Herzegovina, Austria-Hungary, Croatian chemist (organic chemistry, biochemistry)
  • 1928 Hubert Selby, Jr., Brooklyn, New York, author (Last Exit to Brooklyn, Requiem for a Dream)
  • 1929 Danny Barcelona, Filipino-American drummer with Louis Armstrong’s All-Star band
  • 1933 Bert Convy, St. Louis, Missouri, actor, singer, and game show host (Super Password; Win, Lose or Draw)
  • 1943 Randall Forsberg, Huntsville, Alabama, scientist (founder of Institute for Defense & Disarmament Studies and Nuclear Weapons Freeze Campaign)
  • 1947 Gardner Dozois, Salem, Massachusetts, author & editor (Founding editor of The Year’s Best Science Fiction anthologies)
  • 1960 Susan Graham, Roswell, New Mexico, mezzo-soprano
  • 1961 Michael Durant, Berlin, New Hampshire, Army pilot (captured by Somali; held for 11 days) and author (In the Company of Heroes)
  • 1961 Woody Harrelson, Midland, Texas, actor (A Prairie Home Companion )
  • 1962 Eriq La Salle, Hartford, Connecticut, actor (Coming to America, ER)
  • 1967 Philip Seymour Hoffman, Fairport, New York, actor (Scent of a Woman, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Cold Mountain, Charlie Wilson’s War, Mission: Impossible III)
  • 1970 Charisma Carpenter, Las Vegas, Nevada, actress (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
  • 1971 Alison Krauss, Decatur, Illinois, singer-songwriter and fiddler (Alison Krauss and Union Station)
  • 1974 Kathryn Hahn, Westchester, Illinois, actress (Crossing Jordan)
  • 1982 Paul Wesley, New Brunswick, New Jersey, actor (The Vampire Diaries, Fallen)
  • 1983 Andrew Eiden, La Mirada, California, actor (Movie Surfers, Outward Bound, Complete Savages)
  • 1996 Rachel G. Fox, Lawrenceville, Georgia, actress (Desperate Housewives, The Ant Bully, Spork)

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“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.” – Maurice Switzer

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1829 In the United States, William Austin Burt patents the typographer, a precursor to the typewriter.
  • 1833 Cornerstones are laid for the construction of the Kirtland Temple in Kirtland, Ohio.
  • 1840 The Province of Canada is created by the Act of Union.
  • 1903 The Ford Motor Company sells its first car.
  • 1926 Fox Film buys the patents of the Movietone sound system for recording sound onto film.
  • 1927 The first station of the Indian Broadcasting Company goes on the air in Bombay.
  • 1940 The United States’ Under Secretary of State Sumner Welles issues a declaration on the U.S. non-recognition policy of the Soviet annexation and incorporation of three Baltic States: Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania.
  • 1942 The Holocaust: the Treblinka extermination camp is opened.
  • 1961 The Sandinista National Liberation Front is founded in Nicaragua.
  • 1962 Telstar relays the first publicly transmitted, live trans-Atlantic television program, featuring Walter Cronkite.
  • 1962 The International Agreement on the Neutrality of Laos is signed.
  • 1967 12th Street Riot: in Detroit, Michigan, one of the worst riots in United States history begins on 12th Street in the predominantly African American inner city. It will leave 43 killed, 342 injured and 1,400 buildings burned.
  • 1972 Landsat 1, the first Earth-resources satellite, is launched by the United States.
  • 1984 Vanessa Williams becomes the first Miss America to resign when she surrenders her crown after nude photos of her appeared in Penthouse magazine.
  • 1986 In London, Prince Andrew, Duke of York marries Sarah Ferguson at Westminster Abbey.
  • 1988 General Ne Win, effective ruler of Burma since 1962, resigns after pro-democracy protests.
  • 1992 A Vatican commission, led by Joseph Ratzinger, establishes that it is necessary to limit rights of homosexual people and non-married couples.
  • 1992 Abkhazia declares independence from Georgia.
  • 1995 Comet Hale-Bopp is discovered; it will become visible to the naked eye nearly a year later.
  • 2005 Three bombs explode in the Naama Bay area of Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt, killing 88 people.

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“I thought I told you to keep an eye on your cousin,” the mother said. “Where is he?”

“Well,” her son replied thoughtfully, “if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he’s out canoeing. If he knows as little as I think he does, he’s out swimming.”

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“No,” the second guy says.

“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the first guy says.

“Oh,” says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, “Did you see that?”

“See what?” the second guy asks.

“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.”

“Oh.”

A few minutes later the first guy says: “Did you see that?”

By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, “Yes, I did!”

And the first guy says: “Then why did you step in it?”

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ONE-LINERS: Animal Truisms. . .
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

Dogs may shed, but cats shred.

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful
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There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, “Oh God! Save me!”

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, “You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?”

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can’t lie the man replies, “Well, that’s true I don’t believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?”

The Lord replies, “As you wish,” and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, “Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive…”

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pic of the day: Chick peeking out from under hen

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A woman went on a tour of the White House. As the guide led her down one of the historic halls, a door burst open and a large aquatic sea mammal, balancing a beach ball on its nose, scurried past.
“My, what was that?” exclaimed the woman.
“Oh, that’s just the Presidential Seal,” replied the guide.
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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he had bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage.

A police spokesperson said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motorhome’s sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

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Vermont Dumb Laws
– Whistling underwater is illegal

– At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.

– Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

– It is illegal to deny the existence of God

– Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week- – on Saturday night.

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A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained.

“He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. – Robert Wilensky

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe

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