July 3, 2014

There is NO chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. – Ella Wheeler Wilcox

TODAY – JULY 3rd – THURSDAY

184th day of 2014 with 181 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Eat Beans Day
*Disobedience Day
*Stay out of the Sun Day
*Dog Days of Summer Begin (July 3 through August 11)
*Compliment Your Mirror Day
*National Chocolate Wafer Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1935 Harrison ‘Jack’ Schmitt, Santa Rita, New Mexico, geologist / retired NASA astronaut / senator (last of astronauts to set foot on the moon – Apollo 17)
  • 1945 Michael Cole, Madison, Wisconsin, actor (The Mod Squad )
  • 1947 Betty Buckley, Big Spring, Texas, actress (Eight is Enough, Carrie, Oz)
  • 1947 Dave Barry, Armonk, New York, author / humor column
  • 1949 Johnnie Wilder, Jr., Dayton, Ohio, singer (Heatwave)
  • 1954 Franny Billingsley, American children’s book author (Well Wished, The Folk Keeper, Big Bad Bunny, Chime)
  • 1956 Montel Williams, Baltimore, Maryland, talk show host (The Montel Williams Show )
  • 1962 Tom Cruise, Syracuse, New York, actor (Born on the Fourth of July, Jerry Maguire, Magnolia, Top Gun, Mission: Impossible)
  • 1962 Thomas Gibson, Charleston, South Carolina, actor (Chicago Hope, Dharma & Greg, Aaron Hotchner on Criminal Minds)
  • 1970 Audra McDonald, Berlin, Germany, actress and singer (Ragtime, A Raisin in the Sun)
  • 1970 Shawnee Smith, Orangeburg, South Carolina, actress (Becker)
  • 1973 Patrick Wilson, Norfolk, Virginia, actor (Angels in America )
  • 1976 Andrea Barber, Los Angeles, California, actress (Full House)

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Don’t let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning. – Robert Kiyosaki

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1775 George Washington takes command of the Continental Army at Cambridge, Massachusetts during the American Revolutionary War.
  • 1778 American Revolutionary War: British forces kill 360 people in the Wyoming Valley massacre.
  • 1819 The Bank of Savings in New York City, the first savings bank in the United States, opens.
  • 1839 The first state normal school in the United States, the forerunner to today’s Framingham State College, opens in Lexington, Massachusetts with 3 students.
  • 1844 The last pair of Great Auks is killed.
  • 1852 Congress establishes the United States’ 2nd mint in San Francisco, California.
  • 1884 First stock average published by Dow Jones and Company.
  • 1886 The New York Tribune becomes the first newspaper to use a linotype machine, eliminating typesetting by hand.
  • 1890 Idaho is admitted as the 43rd U.S. state.
  • 1938 World speed record for a steam railway locomotive is set in England, by the Mallard, which reaches a speed of 126 miles per hour (203 km/h).
  • 1938 Eternal Light Peace Memorial dedicated by President Franklin D. Roosevelt as he lights the eternal flame at Gettysburg Battlefield.
  • 1979 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signs the first directive for secret aid to the opponents of the pro-Soviet regime in Kabul.
  • 1988 United States Navy warship USS Vincennes shoots down Iran Air Flight 655 over the Persian Gulf, killing all 290 people aboard.
  • 1988 The Fatih Sultan Mehmet Bridge in Istanbul, Turkey is completed, providing the second connection between the continents of Europe and Asia over the Bosporus.
  • 1994 The deadliest day in Texas traffic history, according to the Texas Department of Public Safety. Forty-six people are killed in crashes.
  • 1996 Stone of Scone (also known as Stone of Destiny) is returned to Scotland.
  • 2001 A Vladivostok Avia Tupolev Tu-154 jetliner crashes on approach to landing at Irkutsk, Russia killing 145 people.
  • 2005 Same-sex marriage in Spain becomes legal.

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** Dentist Jokes **
Patient: How much will it cost me to have this tooth extracted?
Dentist: $300
Patient: $300 for just a few minutes work, that expensive.
Dentist: O.K. I’ll pull it out slowly if you prefer.

—–
When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the ‘Painless’ dentist. However a local little girl called Sarah disputed his claim.
‘He’s a fake!’ Sarah told her friends. ‘He’s not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him – and he screamed like anyone else.’

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I was in the ten item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked, “So which ten items would you like to buy?”

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ONE-LINERS: NEW MEDICINES APPROVED BY THE FDA
~ Histalavista: Say bye-bye to those allergies.
~ Milk of Amnesia: Infant formula to help babies forget birth trauma.
~ Non-Interferon: Black market drug often slipped to unsuspecting in-laws.
~ Testsoteroni: A hormonal supplement eaten as pasta.
~ Aesthetominophen: You don’t feel any better, but you look fabulous.
~ Elmer’s Aspirin: Half aspirin and half glue, for those splitting headaches.
~ Preparation H with Aspirin: Offers relief from people who are a pain in the posterior.
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One year, Johnny’s family was having the “extended family” 4th of July cookout at their home. One of the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought out of state (they’re illegal in their state, of course!)
Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying their neighbor’s plans had just fallen through, and could they bring them along to the picnic – they even had extra food to bring…”Sure, the more the merrier!”
Upon arrival and meeting of their cousin’s neighbor, it is discovered that he’s a police officer. The father turns as innocently as he can to Johnny, and whispers to him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly. Johnny disappears, and the father changes the topic to food for the day. This family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells them the gas grill is all set to use out back – just turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid still closed.
They head out to the back as Johnny comes back in through the front door. The father hurries to him and says “Whew, that was close! That man’s a police officer, and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?”
“Oh, yeah, nobody will ever think to look in the grill!”

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pic of the day: Fireworks

picture of fireworks
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WARNING! GOLDEN OLDIE PUN ZONE!

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, “Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?”

Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV-‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'”

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Two cows are grazing in a pasture enjoying their grass. At around noon they decide to lay under a tree, chew their cud, and talk for awhile.

The first cow says to the other, “Have you heard about that awful new Mad Cow Disease?”

The second cow, chewing her cud says, “Yeah, I heard about.”

The first cow says, “Well, I’m really worried! I heard that a lot of the cows in the pasture down the road have caught it!”

The second cow says, “Yeah I heard.”

The first cow says, “Well you don’t seem to worried about it!”

The second cow says, “I’m Not worried.”

Irate now, the first cow says, “How can you just lay there, and not worry about such a horrible Disease!?”

The second cow says, “Easy, because I can’t catch it”

The first cow says, “And Just What Makes Think That!!!”

The second says, “Because you stupid Cow, Can’t you see I’m a Duck!!!”

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What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
“Why does it work?”

What does a grad student with an engineering degree ask?
“How does it work?”

What does a grad student with an accounting degree ask?
“How much will it cost?”

What does a grad student with a liberal arts degree ask?
“Do you want fries with that?”

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A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.
The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?”
“Absolutely,” the lawyer responded.
The butcher immediately shot back, “Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning.”
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents read “Consultation: $25.00.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!
~ Dog days of summer: “Dog Days” are the hottest, most sultry days of summer. In the Northern Hemisphere, the dog days of summer are most commonly experienced in the months of July and August, which typically observe the warmest summer temperatures. In the Southern Hemisphere , they typically occur in January and February, in the midst of the austral summer. The name comes from the ancient belief that Sirius also called the Dog Star, in close proximity to the sun was responsible for the hot weather

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead. – Bill McGlashen

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live. – Mae Jemison

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