July 30, 2014

Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. – Babe Ruth

TODAY – JULY 30th – WEDNESDAY

211th day of 2014 with 154 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Cheesecake Day

*Father-in-Law Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1818 Emily Bronte, British novelist and poet (Wuthering Heights)
  • 1863 Henry Ford, Greenfield Township, Michigan, businessman (founded the Ford Motor Company)
  • 1890 Casey Stengel, Kansas City, Missouri, baseball player and manager (mostly associated with New York Mets)
  • 1922 Henry W. Bloch, Kansas City, Missouri, banker and businessman (co-founder of H&R Block)
  • 1926 Christine McGuire, Middletown, Ohio, singer (The McGuire Sisters)
  • 1940 Sir Clive Sinclair, Richmond, Surrey, entrepreneur and inventor (consumer electronics)
  • 1941 Paul Anka, Canadian-American singer-songwriter (Lonely Boy, Put Your Head On My Shoulder) and actor
  • 1947 Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austrian-American bodybuilder, actor (Predator, Terminator), and politician (38th Governor of California)
  • 1948 Otis Taylor, Chicago, Illinois, musician
  • 1950 Frank Stallone, New York City, New York, singer and actor (Rocky Balboa )
  • 1956 Delta Burke, Orlando, Florida, actress (Designing Women, What Women Want)
  • 1961 Laurence Fishburne, Augusta, Georgia, actor (Matrix, What’s Love Got To Do With It, CSI, Deep Cover, The Tuskegee Airmen)
  • 1962 Alton Brown, Los Angeles, California, chef, author, and producer (Good Eats, Iron Chef America)
  • 1964 Vivica A. Fox, South Bend, Indiana, actress (Independence Day, Set It Off, Soul Food, Kill Bill, 1-800-MISSING, 3rd season Dancing with the Stars)
  • 1970 Dean Edwards, The Bronx, New York, comedian (The Sopranos )
  • 1977 Jaime Pressly, Kinston, North Carolina, actress (Joe Dirt, DOA: Dead or Alive; I Love You, Man; My Name is Earl)
  • 1984 Gabrielle Christian, Washington, D.C., actress (Drake & Josh, Windfall, Without a Trace)

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People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is convenient, and then repent. – Bob Dylan

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1733 The first Masonic Grand Lodge in the future United States is constituted in Massachusetts.
  • 1756 In Saint Petersburg, Bartolomeo Rastrelli presents the newly-built Catherine Palace to Empress Elizabeth and her courtiers.
  • 1865 The steamboat Brother Jonathan sinks off the coast of Crescent City, California, killing 225 passengers, the deadliest shipwreck on the Pacific Coast of the U.S. at the time.
  • 1866 New Orleans’s Democratic government orders police to raid an integrated Republican Party meeting, killing 40 people and injuring 150.
  • 1871 The Staten Island Ferry Westfield’s boiler explodes, killing over 85 people.
  • 1916 Black Tom Island explosion in Jersey City, New Jersey.
  • 1930 In Montevideo, Uruguay wins the first Football World Cup.
  • 1932 Premiere of Walt Disney’s Flowers and Trees, the first cartoon short to use Technicolor and the first Academy Award winning cartoon short.
  • 1971 Apollo program: Apollo 15 Mission – David Scott and James Irwin on the Apollo Lunar Module module Falcon land on the Moon with the first Lunar Rover.
  • 1971 An All Nippon Airways Boeing 727 and a Japanese Air Force F-86 collide over Morioka, Japan killing 162.
  • 1974 Watergate Scandal: U.S. President Richard M. Nixon releases subpoenaed White House recordings after being ordered to do so by the United States Supreme Court.
  • 1990 George Steinbrenner is forced by Commissioner Fay Vincent to resign as principal partner of New York Yankees for hiring Howie Spira to “get dirt” on Dave Winfield.
  • 2003 In Mexico, the last ‘old style’ Volkswagen Beetle rolls off the assembly line.
  • 2006 The world’s longest running music show Top of the Pops is broadcast for the last time on BBC Two. The show had aired for 42 years.

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A pastor was doing his children’s sermon with all the youngsters down front to hear the lesson.

He was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah 1 and 2: “And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying ‘I called to the Lord our of my distress and He answered me.’ … and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land” (Jonah 1:17; 2:2, 10).

When the pastor finished the quotation, he started trying to solicit input from the youngsters to help him complete his mini-sermon. He asked thoughtfully, “What does the fish vomiting Jonah out on dry land indicate to us today?”

One of the youngsters spoke with great enthusiasm for the entire congregation to hear, “It proves that even a fish can’t stomach a bad preacher!”

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The scientist asks, “Why does it work?”

The engineer asks, “How does it work?”

The accountant asks, “How much does it cost?”

The Liberal Arts major asks, “You want fries with that?”
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Since I had been selling water beds for years, I thought I’d heard every question imaginable. But then a customer
asked me, “Can you deliver it filled with water?”

Stunned, I replied, “Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!”

After a short pause, she said, “Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?”

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ONE-LINERS: Personalized Plates
These are purported to be real personalized license plates for cars in the United States.

WUF WUF – On a Brown Rover

2QT4U – 2 Cute for you

TUSKY – To ski

TIHS O – This one that works in the rear view mirror. This guy fooled the Ontario authorities.

4MYEGO – On a Porsche.

BSSCLRNT – On a professional bass clarinetist’ car.

BANDLADY – On a high school band teacher’s car.

ORFFAN – On a car of music educator, who teaches using methods developed by Carl Orff.

SEWBIZ – On the car owned by a sewing machine dealership.

IDUNTOLU – Seen on a school principal’s car. He was in charge of discipline.

GGR OOM – On a Horse Grooming Company car.

PN DCTR – On acupuncturist’s car.

6UL DV8 – Sexual Deviate

JUNK – On a 1993 GMC (jimmy). On a recycler of junk metals in Maryland.

ML8ML8 – I’m late, I’m late {for a very important date}, On a white Volkswagen Rabbit.

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Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always old me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide With Bleach Alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you once again for having a great product. Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

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pic of the day: The Elk River in West Virginia

Elk River

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

For many generations the family had raised cotton in a lush southern valley. Unfortunately, the boll weevil came to call and for three seasons their crop was wiped out.
The younger members of the family urged their patriarch to leave the cursed valley which was driving them to ruin.
He refused, saying, “Though I live in the valley in the shadow of debt, I shall fear no weevil!”
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A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.
“D’ ye smell that food?” she asked. “It’s Incredible!”

Being a kind-hearted guy, the Scotsman thought, “What the heck, I’ll treat her!”

So, they walked past the restaurant again.

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Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times three?”

“274,” came the reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?”

“Tuesday,” replies the second man.

The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three?”

“Nine,” says the third man.

“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”

“Simple,” he says, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”

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Paddy read an article about fathers and sons. Memories came flooding back of the time his Dad took him out for his first pint.

Off he went to the local pub with his son in tow. He got a Guinness. The son didn’t like it, so Paddy had to drink it. Then he got his son a Harp, he didn’t like it, so Paddy drank it. It was the same with the Kilkenny Irish Cream Ale and Smithwick’s.

By the time Paddy got down to the Jameson he could hardly push the stroller back home.

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Several women are talking. One says, “My husband never goes to church. I think he’s going to hell.”

“My boyfriend steals papers from the newsstand. He’s going to hell for sure.”

“My husband does unethical things at work. I’m certain he’s going to hell.”

The last woman says, “I’m going to hell.”

The others turn to her incredulously and ask, “Why?!?”

“You don’t expect me to live in a place without men, do you?”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.” – Robert Frost

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. – Ancient Indian Proverb

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