July 8, 2014

Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. – Teddy Roosevelt

TODAY – JULY 8th – TUESDAY

189th day of 2014 with 176 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Video Games Day

*National Sugar Cookie Day

*National Chocolate with Almonds Day

*National Hot Dog Month

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

  • 1831 John S. Pemberton, Knoxville, Georgia, pharmacist, invented Coca-Cola in 1885 (Originally meant as a cure for headaches)
  • 1838 Ferdinand von Zeppelin, Baden-Württemberg, German inventor (founder of the Zeppelin Airship company)
  • 1839 John D. Rockefeller, Richford, New York, oil magnate (Standard Oil Company founder) and philanthropist (founder University of Chicago and Rockefeller University)
  • 1857 Alfred Binet, French experimental psychologist (produced tests for scoring intelligence, the basis for the Stanford-Binet Tests)
  • 1895 Igor Tamm, Vladivostok, Russian physicist (Cherenkov–Vavilov effect, Tamm–Dancoff approximation)
  • 1908 Nelson Rockefeller, Bar Harbor, Maine,41st Vice President of the United States, 49th Governor of New York
  • 1926 Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Swiss-American psychiatrist (best known for studies on the psychology of dying)
  • 1932 Jerry Vale, The Bronx, New York, singer (Have You Looked into Your Heart, Tears Keep on Falling, You Don’t Know Me)
  • 1935 Steve Lawrence, Brooklyn, New York, singer and actor (Tonight Starring Steve Allen)
  • 1944 Jeffrey Tambor, San Francisco, California, actor (Hill Street Blues, Arrested Development, City Slickers, Hellboy, The Shadow King)
  • 1947 Kim Darby, Los Angeles, California, actress (starred w/John Wayne & Glen Campbell in True Grit; “Miri” episode of original Star Trek, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, The People)
  • 1949 Wolfgang Puck, Austrian-American celebrity chef, restaurateur, tv personality (Top Chef, Iron Chef)
  • 1951 Anjelica Huston, Santa Monica, California, actress (Prizzi’s Honor, The Grifters, The Addams Family, Tinker Bell)
  • 1958 Kevin Bacon, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor (Animal House, Diner, Footloose, Flatliners, A Few Good Men, Apollo 13, Mystic River, The Woodsman, Friday the 13th, Hollow Man, Tremors, X-Men, The Following)
  • 1959 Robert Knepper, Fremont, Ohio, actor (Prison Break, Transporters, Heroes 4th season, Mob City, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay)
  • 1961 Toby Keith, Clinton, Oklahoma, country music singer/songwriter
  • 1968 Michael Weatherly, New York City, actor (Tony on NCIS, Logan Cale on Dark Angel )
  • 1982 Sophia Bush, Pasadena, California, actress (One Tree Hill ,The Hitcher, John Tucker Must Die ,The Narrows, Chicago P.D. )
  • 1998 Jaden Smith, Malibu, California, actor (The Pursuit of Happyness, The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Karate Kid, After Earth)

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Education costs money. But then so does ignorance. – Sir Claus Moser

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1663 Charles II of England grants John Clarke a Royal Charter to Rhode Island.
  • 1680 The first confirmed tornado in America kills a servant at Cambridge, Massachusetts.
  • 1879 Sailing ship USS Jeannette (1878) departs San Francisco carrying an ill-fated expedition to the North Pole.
  • 1889 The first issue of the Wall Street Journal is published.
  • 1892 St. John’s, Newfoundland is devastated in the Great Fire of 1892.
  • 1896 William Jennings Bryan delivers his Cross of Gold speech advocating bimetalism at the 1896 Democratic National Convention in Chicago.
  • 1948 The United States Air Force accepts its first female recruits into a program called Women in the Air Force (WAF).
  • 1969 IBM CICS is made generally available for the 360 mainframe computer.
  • 1970 Richard Nixon delivers a special congressional message enunciating Native American Self-Determination as official US Indian policy, leading to the Indian Self-Determination Act.
  • 1997 NATO invites the Czech Republic, Hungary, and Poland to join the alliance in 1999.
  • 1999 Allen Lee Davis is executed by electric chair by the state of Florida, the last use of the electric chair for capital punishment in Florida.
  • 2007 Boeing unveiled its first 787 in a roll-out ceremony at its Everett assembly factory.
  • 2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis is launched in the final mission of the U.S. Space Shuttle program.

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My husband Ed and our grandson, Eddy, were digging up a corner of my garden one fine Saturday morning, on the hunt for bait so they could go fishing.
Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy held it up proudly for his Grandpa to see.
“No, Eddy, that won’t do,” says Ed, “he’s not an earthworm.”
“He’s not?” asked Eddy, eyes wide. “What planet is he from?”

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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

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ONE-LINERS: Life’s Crazy Rules

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary – If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.

* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

* Quile’s Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.

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While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. ‘Good lord!’ he screamed, ‘one of the engines just blew up!’

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn’t maintain order.

Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

‘Say,’ spoke up an alert passenger, ‘aren’t those parachutes?’

The pilot said they were.

The passenger went on, ‘But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?’ ‘

There isn’t,’ replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. ‘We’re going to get help.’

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pic of the day: Seattle, Washington

Seattle Washington image
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WARNING! MUSICIAN’S PUN ZONE!

Q: How do you know if a viola section is at your front door?
A: No one knows when to come in.

Q: What’s the difference between a violist and a dog?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.

Q: What do a bad airplane mechanic and a violist have in common?
A: Both screw up Boeings.

Q: What’s the difference between a cello and a viola?
A: The cello burns longer.

Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?
A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell him which one.
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In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury of which to be proud.
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defence’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”
The jury foreman replied, “Yes, we did look, but your client didn’t.”
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This man just could not remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided him with the dates and instructions to send flowers along with an appropriate note signed, “Your loving husband.”

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, many bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, “Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”

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Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.

“It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out, “that every time there’s a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”

“You know you’re right, sir,” exclaimed Smith. “I didn’t realize it. You don’t suppose she’s faking, do you?”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Virtue means doing the right thing, in relation to the right person, at the right time, to the right extent, in the right manner, and for the right purpose. Thus, to give money away is quite a simple task, but for the act to be virtuous, the donor must give to the right person, for the right purpose, in the right amount, in the right manner, and at the right time. — Aristotle

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