June 11, 2014

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day. – Bill Vaughan

TODAY – JUNE 11th – WEDNESDAY

162nd day of 2014 with 203 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National German Chocolate Cake Day

*Kamehameha Day (Hawaii)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1864 Richard Strauss, German composer and conductor (Salome, Four Last Songs, An Alpine Symphony, Metamorphosen)
  • 1867 Charles Fabry, Marseille, France, physicist (discovered the ozone layer)
  • 1910 Jacques-Yves Cousteau, French marine biologist and inventor (co-developed the Aqua-Lung)
  • 1913 Vince Lombardi, Brooklyn, New York, football coach (Green Bay Packers / 5 league championship s in 7 years, 2 Super Bowls)
  • 1915 Nicholas Metropolis, Greek-American mathematician, physicist and computer scientist
  • 1933 Gene Wilder, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, actor (The Producers, Young Frankenstein, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, Stir Crazy, The Woman in Red)
  • 1937 Johnny Brown, St. Petersburg, Florida, comedian (Laugh-in )
  • 1945 Adrienne Barbeau, Sacramento, California, actress (Grease, Maude, The Fog, Swamp Thing, voice of Catwoman on Batman: The Animated Series)
  • 1950 Graham Russell, Melbourne, Australia, guitarist and vocalist (Air Supply)
  • 1956 Joe Montana, New Eagle, Pennsylvania, football player (quarterback for San Francisco 49ers and Kansas City Chiefs;started in 4 Super Bowl games & won all of them)
  • 1959 Hugh Laurie, English actor and comedian (Fry and Laurie, House)
  • 1960 Mehmet Oz, Cleveland, Ohio, television host (The Dr. Oz Show), cardiothoracic surgeon, author (YOU: The Owner’s Manual, YOU: On a Diet)
  • 1969 Matt McGrath, New York, New York, actor (The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy)
  • 1970 Chris Rice, Clinton, Maryland, singer and songwriter (Christian contemporary, sound similar to James Taylor)
  • 1973 Dana Brunetti, film producer
  • 1977 Ryan Dunn, Medina, Ohio, actor (Jackass 3.5)
  • 1985 Chris Trousdale, New Port Richey, Florida, pop singer and dancer (Dream Street )
  • 1986 Shia LaBeouf, Los Angeles, California, actor (Even Stevens, Holes, Disturbia, Transformers movies, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Grace isn’t a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It’s a way to live. – Attributed to Jacqueline Winspear

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1184 BC Troy is sacked and burned during the Trojan War, according to calculations by Eratosthenes.
  • 1770 Captain James Cook runs aground on the Great Barrier Reef.
  • 1775 First naval engagement during The American Revolutionary War, the Battle of Machias, results in the capture of a small British naval vessel.
  • 1776 Continental Congress appoints Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Roger Sherman, and Robert R. Livingston to the Committee of Five to draft a declaration of independence.
  • 1805 A fire consumes large portions of Detroit in the Michigan Territory.
  • 1825 The first cornerstone is laid for Fort Hamilton in New York City.
  • 1837 The Broad Street Riot occurs in Boston, fueled by ethnic tensions between Yankees and Irish.
  • 1892 The Limelight Department, one of the world’s first film studios, is officially established in Melbourne, Australia.
  • 1898 U.S. war ships set sail for Cuba during the Spanish-American War.
  • 1919 Sir Barton wins the Belmont Stakes, becoming the first horse to win the Triple Crown.
  • 1920 During the U.S. Republican National Convention in Chicago, U.S. Republican Party leaders gathered in a room at the Blackstone Hotel to come to a consensus on their candidate for the U.S. presidential election, leading the Associated Press to first coin the political phrase “smoke-filled room”.
  • 1935 Inventor Edwin Armstrong gives the first public demonstration of FM broadcasting in the United States at Alpine, New Jersey.
  • 1936 The International Surrealist Exhibition opens in London, England.
  • 1944 USS Missouri (BB-63) the last battleship built by the United States Navy and future site of the signing of the Japanese Instrument of Surrender, is commissioned.
  • 1962 Frank Morris, John Anglin and Clarence Anglin allegedly become the only prisoners to escape from the prison on Alcatraz Island.
  • 1963 American Civil Rights Movement: Alabama Governor George Wallace stands at the door of Foster Auditorium at the University of Alabama in an attempt to block two black students, Vivian Malone and James Hood, from attending that school. Later in the day, accompanied by federalized National Guard troops, they are able to register.
  • 1970 Anna Mae Hays and Elizabeth P. Hoisington become the first women to officially receive their ranks as U.S. Army Generals.
  • 1981 A Richter Scale 6.9 magnitude earthquake at Golbaf, Iran, kills at least 2,000.
  • 1982 The Sentosa Musical Fountain was officially opened as part of the second phase of construction on the island of Sentosa, Singapore.
  • 1998 Compaq Computer pays $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corporation in the largest high-tech acquisition.
  • 2001 Timothy McVeigh is executed for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.
  • 2002 Antonio Meucci is acknowledged as the first inventor of the telephone by the United States Congress.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it.

The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline “Valiant Student Saves Boy From Fearsome Dog.”

The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.

The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, “Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.”

“I’m surprised,” said the owner. “I’ve never taught that bird to swear.”

“Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor. “But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: Random Thoughts . . .

~ Even a mosquito doesn’t get a slap on the back until it starts to work.

~ The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.

~ When your only tool is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

~ It isn’t that they can’t see the solution, it’s that they can’t see the problem.

~ People who claim they don’t have the time to do things right somehow find the time to do them over.

~ A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

~ He who will not forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.

~ You can have anything in life you want if you help enough other people get what they want.

~ Even a woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head.

~ Just when you think you’ve won the rat race along come faster rats.

~ How does the snowplow driver get to work on a snowy day?

~ If you strap a slice of buttered bread (butter side up) to the back of a cat and drop the cat from a ladder, what would happen?

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A cat died and went to heaven.

God met her at the gates and said, “You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”

The cat thought for a minute and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.”

God replied, “Say no more.” Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.

The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.”

God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?”

The cat replied, “Oh, it is WONDERFUL! The Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Goose & Duck


~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The Founding Fathers were sitting around a table sometime in 1776, working on the constitution. It had been a long day.

Father1: Whew! It’s getting rather warm in here, isn’t it?

Father2: Shall I open the window?

Father1: No, that’s alright. I’ll just take off my jacket, and roll up my sleeves.

Father2: Hey, that’s a good idea. Why don’t we include that in the constitution?

Father1: What? That we’re allowed to take our jackets off and roll up our sleeves while at work?

Father2: Yeah, but that doesn’t sound very smooth. How about “Everyone shall have the right to bare arms?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.

An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.

“How did you know I was speeding?” the frustrated driver asked.

The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

“You mean,” asked the motorist, “that even He is against me?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HR Consultant: “Here’s my final consulting report on your company. I’ve listed all the dead-weight employees who should be fired.”

Boss: “This is the company directory.”

HR Consultant: “Finding that was a huge time-saver.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

At their high school reunion Sarah and Esther meet up for the first time in fifty years.

Sarah begins to tell Esther about her children: “My son is a doctor and he’s got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?”

Esther replies, “Unfortunately, Morty and I don’t have any children and so we have no grandchildren either.”

Sarah says, “No children…. and no grandchildren! So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. – Oscar Wilde

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *