June 13, 2014

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. – Amelia Earhart

TODAY – JUNE 13th – FRIDAY

164th day of 2014 with 201 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Sewing Machine Day

*Blame Someone Else Day (First Friday the 13th of the year)

*National Weed Your Garden Day

*Kitchen Klutzes of America Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1595 Jan Marek Marci, Bohemian doctor and scientist (crater Marci on the far side of the Moon is named after him)
  • 1822 Carl Schmidt, German chemist (determined typical crystallization patterns of many important biochemicals such as uric acid, oxalic acid and its salts, lactic acid, cholesterin, stearin)
  • 1831 James Clerk Maxwell, Edinburgh, Scotland, physicist (formulated classical electromagnetic theory)
  • 1865 William Butler Yeats, Ireland, poet (Nobel 1923 /Wild Swans at Coole)
  • 1870 Jules Bordet, Belgian immunologist/microbiologist (Nobel – immunity discoveries)
  • 1892 Basil Rathbone, South Africa, British actor (Sherlock Holmes)
  • 1893 Dorothy Sayers, English author (Lord Peter Wimsey mysteries)
  • 1903 Harold “Red” Grange, Forksville, Pennsylvania, “Galloping Ghost” of football (Illinois Bears)
  • 1911 Luis Alvarez, San Francisco, California, physicist (one of the most brilliant and productive experimental physicists of the twentieth century)
  • 1918 Ben Johnson, Foraker, Oklahoma on Osage Indian Reservation (Cherokee & Irish ancestry), actor (Mighty Joe Young, Rio Grande, Shane, Cheyenne Autumn, Red Dawn, Breakheart Pass, The Monroes, Then Undeated, Chisum, The Last Picture Show, The Sacketts)
  • 1926 Paul Lynde, Mt. Vernon, Ohio, comedian (Uncle Arthur-Bewitched, Hollywood Squares)
  • 1928 John Forbes Nash, Bluefield, West Virginia, mathematician (his theories are used in market economics, computing, evolutionary biology, artificial intelligence, accounting, politics and military theory, Nash is the subject of the Hollywood movie A Beautiful Mind)
  • 1943 Malcolm McDowell, English actor (Dr.Soran/Star Trek Generations, Heros, Hildago)
  • 1951 Richard Thomas, New York City, New York, actor (The Waltons, Last Summer, Johnny Belinda )
  • 1953 Tim Allen, Denver, Colorado, comedian/actor (Home Improvement, Toy Story, Wild Hogs)
  • 1962 Ally Sheedy, New York City, New York, actress (The Breakfast Club, St Elmo’s, Short Circuit, Maid to Order, Kyly XY, Citizen Jane)
  • 1964 Kathy Burke, London, England, actress (Nil by Mouth, Perry in Kevin and Perry Go Large, Linda La Hughes in Gimme Gimme Gimme, Love Honour and Obey)
  • 1981 Chris Evans, Sudbury, Massachusetts, actor (Not Another Teen Movie, Fantastic Four , Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Captain America: The First Avenger. )
  • 1986 Kat Dennings, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actress (The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Big Momma’s House 2, Charlie Bartlett, Raise Your Voice, The House Bunny, Defendor and Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist )
  • 1986 Ashley Olsen, Sherman Oaks, California, actress (The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley, Two of a Kind, So Little Time )
  • 1986 Mary-Kate Olsen, Sherman Oaks, California, actress (Factory Girl, Weeds, Samantha Who? )
  • 1989 Lisa Tucker, Anaheim, California, singer, tenth-place finalist on the fifth season of American Idol

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We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. – Bertha Calloway

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1777 Marquis de Lafayette lands near Charleston, South Carolina, in order to help the Continental Congress to train its army during the American Revolutionary War.
  • 1798 Mission San Luis Rey de Francia is founded.
  • 1805 Meriwether Lewis and four companions sight the Great Falls of the Missouri River.
  • 1898 Yukon Territory of Canada organized, Dawson chosen as capital.
  • 1920 United States Postal Service rules that children may not be sent via parcel post.
  • 1927 Aviator Charles Lindbergh receives a ticker-tape parade down 5th Avenue in New York City.
  • 1935 In one of the biggest upsets in championship boxing, the 10 to 1 underdog James J. Braddock defeats Max Baer in Long Island City, New York, and becomes the heavyweight champion of the world.
  • 1942 The United States opens its Office of War Information.
  • 1942 The United States establish the Office of Strategic Services.
  • 1966 The United States Supreme Court rules in Miranda v. Arizona that the police must inform suspects of their rights before questioning them.
  • 1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson nominates Solicitor-General Thurgood Marshall to become the first black justice on the U.S. Supreme Court.
  • 1969 Governor of Texas Preston Smith signs a bill into law converting the former Southwest Center for Advanced Studies, originally founded as a research arm of Texas Instruments, into the University of Texas at Dallas.
  • 1970 “The Long and Winding Road” becomes the Beatles’ last Number 1 song.
  • 1983 Pioneer 10 becomes 1st man-made object to leave Solar System.
  • 1997 A jury sentences Timothy McVeigh to the death penalty for his part in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing.
  • 2000 Italy pardons Mehmet Ali Agca, the Turkish gunman who tried to kill Pope John Paul II in 1981.
  • 2002 The United States of America withdraws from the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.
  • 2002 Two 14-year-old South Korean girls are struck and killed by a United States Army armored vehicle, leading to months of public protests against the US.
  • 2005 A jury in Santa Maria, California acquits pop singer Michael Jackson of molesting 13-year-old Gavin Arvizo at his Neverland Ranch.
  • 2010 A capsule of the Japanese spacecraft Hayabusa, containing particles of the asteroid 25143 Itokawa, returns to Earth.

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I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.” The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”

“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”

“It’s even worse than that,” he confided. “I crashed my wife’s hard drive!”

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“Hello, Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.”

“Would you spell that, please?”

“Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.”

“Just a minute, sir. I’ll connect you with my supervisor.”

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ONE-LINERS: Real Funny News Headlines . . .

– Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

– Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

– British Left Waffles on Falkland islands

– Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

– Eye Drops off Shelf

– Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

– Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

– Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
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A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed; however, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman asked.

“Uhhh, yeah…” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch ALL the fish?”

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pic of the day: Mimosa or Silk Tree (Albizia julibrissin)

Albizia julibrissin bloom picture
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WARNING! PUNNY Southerner’s Medical Dictionary

Artery………………………… The study of paintings

Bacteria…………………….. Back door to cafeteria

Barium………………………. What doctors do when patients die

Benign………………………. What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section…… A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan…………………… Searching for Kitty

Cauterize………………….. Made eye contact with her

Colic………………………….A sheep dog

Coma………………………. A punctuation mark

Dilate……………………….. To live long

Enema……………………….Not a friend

Fester………………………. Quicker than someone else

Fibula………………………. A small lie

Impotent……………………Distinguished, well known

Labour Pain…………….. Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff…………… A Doctor’s cane

Morbid……………………… A higher offer

Nitrates…………………….. Cheaper than day rates

Node………………………….. I knew it

Outpatient………………… A person who has fainted

Pelvis…………….. ………. Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative………… A letter carrier

Recovery Room………. Place to do upholstery

Rectum…………………….. hit his car

Secretion………………….. Hiding something

Seizure…………………… Roman emperor

Tablet……………………… A small table

Terminal Illness………. Getting sick at the airport

Tumor……………………… One plus one more

Urine……………………….. Opposite of you’re out

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After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. “Make three wishes,” she told her mother, “and I’ll grant them.”

Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled.

Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged.

The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, “I wish to have a trim figure again.”

The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly.

“I’ll need more power for this!” she exclaimed.

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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door, as he always is, to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

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A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, “What in the world are you doing?”

He replied, “I’m waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. – Dave Barry

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. – John Fitzgerald Kennedy

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